


a kiss (i belong to)

by cyjchillmyg



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Jackson Wang, Bottom Park Jinyoung | Jr., Domestic Fluff, Family Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Heavy Angst, I AM SORRY FOR THE ENDING OKAY, Idols, M/M, Park Jinyoung | Jr.-centric, Pre-Idol, Romantic Fluff, THEY ARE SWITCHES OKAY, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Top Jackson, Top Park Jinyoung | Jr., YES OLD AGE DEATH, dm on twitter or comment for tag ideas, enjoy, idk what else to tag, jinson journey from trainee days to old age
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 03:32:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 45,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19164958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyjchillmyg/pseuds/cyjchillmyg
Summary: The first time Jackson kissed Jinyoung was when they were still trainees.The last time Jackson kissed Jinyoung was when it was bright.----small(ish) snippets from moments that jinson experienced over their years together





	1. part one

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [accent](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18577567) by [radiantarrow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/radiantarrow/pseuds/radiantarrow). 



> HI OKAY SO  
> this is a 4 part one shot. It is going to be V E R Y long, yes. I do not know when it will be completed but I am always working on it. Please enjoy and hmu on twitter @ prdssuga
> 
> inspired by the fic Accent 
> 
> title from Something To Hold Onto by Jonathan Tilkin

**• PART ONE •**

 

The first time Jackson kissed Jinyoung was when they were still trainees.

Jackson had just turned 19, Korean age but 18 international age. Jaebeom had made an offhand comment about how Jackson shouldn't act like a woman lover now that he could legally scout them in clubs and bars now. Jackson had laughed along but Jinyoung noticed there was something off with his laugh. It wasn't as high pitched as usual and lasted much shorter than usual.

Jinyoung had started to get close to Jackson after the Chinese man had been a trainee for about eight months. JJ Project plans of being debut were being discussed and Jinyoung felt so damn happy. He had been working for three years to get this and it was all about to happen. Jaebeom and Jinyoung were getting closer than ever before. Their brotherhood growing stronger as they practised more and more as a duo. Jinyoung had made a few trainee friends that looked like they were going to become long long friends - yes, that included Wonpil and his bad jokes too. The singer wasn't a bad friend and Jinyoung found him easy to get along with. Both were equally easily entertained (or dorky as Jaebeom said). Another was Mark Tuan, the handsome American who was training in martial arts and tricks. The last one was Jackson Wang. The ex-Olympic fencer from Hong Kong. Jinyoung thought he was an actor at first because of how good looking he was. But he wasn't an actor, he was a trainee, at JYP like Jinyoung. Jackson had a weird need to get along with everyone. It was like he didn't want anyone to be alone and he wanted to be everyone's friend. At first, Jinyoung didn't like that. It was too overbearing, too stifling for Jinyoung. It took a few arguments, some fights and many conversations just between the two of them for Jinyoung to learn that he actually liked Jackson. He liked that Jackson could befriend anyone, could make anyone smile. Jackson _wanted_ people to be happy. Maybe it was because he was a foreigner. Maybe it was just who he was. Either way, Jinyoung found his chest constricting, his stomach flying and his ears burning every time Jackson hugged him a bit longer than usual. Every time Jackson stuck by his side when new trainees came and old ones went. Every time Jackson asked Jinyoung for help with his Korean lessons or to translate whatever Jaebeom was cursing out now. Their friendship was one Jinyoung could never have expected and maybe that's why Jinyoung felt the need to protect it. To keep away extra eyes and unnecessary comments. Maybe that's why Jinyoung stayed behind in Jackson's room once everyone had gone to own respective rooms, leaving Jackson alone with his cupcake of a birthday cake. At least it was chocolate. Small victories count.

"Jinyoung? Why are you still here? Everything okay?" Jackson asked as he placed his cake on his bed stand.

"Are you okay? You seem weird." Jinyoung spoke straight. It was a terrible habit of his that he had since he was a kid. He often spoke with little care of how to delicately say his words - his sisters had tried to beat this courtesy into him since they started puberty.

"I normally seem normal?" Jackson asked amused with an eyebrow raised.

"Well, no. But you're a different weird." Jinyoung took the liberty to sit on the foot of Jackson's bed, crossing his legs.

"A different weird?" Jinyoung nodded. "I know my Korean isn't that good but I don't understand."

Jinyoung sighed. He didn't know what was weird about Jackson, he just felt like something was. "I don't know how to explain it."

Jackson eyed him for a moment before crawling onto the bed to sit next to him. He mirrored the younger's position, nudging Jinyoung's left shoulder with his right. "Try."

"You seem off? Quieter? Are you homesick?"

"A little, yeah. It's my first birthday without my parents around and it hurts. Especially since it's a milestone birthday. I spoke to them a little this morning but then Mark and I had to go to our martial arts lesson. I just wish they were here. My mum waking me up with a chocolate cake instead of my usual porridge and fruit for breakfast. My dad scolding me for eating the whole cake first. Their happy smiles, my happy smile. Their warm hugs."

The more Jackson talked, the more his voice got wetter and tighter. Jinyoung remembered his first birthday without his parents and sisters. It hurt loads and he had hated the whole day. But unlike Jackson, at least his family was only a six-hour train journey away. Jinyoung's heart clenched at what Jackson could be feeling. He wanted to help the older but he knew he couldn't. He just wanted to comfort the older.

Unsure of what to say, Jinyoung wrapped his arms around Jackson's chest and leaned his head on Jackson's right shoulder. It was a bit awkward considering they were sitting side by side. But it was warm, comforting.

Jackson had frozen at first, his words dying in his throat as Jinyoung settled himself around Jackson.

"Keep talking," Jinyoung told him, his fingers playing with the stretch of Jackson's black, oversized hoodie.

Jackson didn't say anything, he was still frozen. Until he leaned back against the wall, wrapped his right arm around Jinyoung's thin waist tentatively while his left went to hold one of Jinyoung's hands.

"You know, I didn't like B-Boy King's comment," Jackson whispered softly and despite the old nickname for Jaebeom, Jinyoung knew he was being serious.

"Don't listen to Jaebeom hyung. He just thinks he's cool."

"Isn't he?"

"A little, yeah. But so are you."

"You think I'm cool?" Jackson leaned away from Jinyoung slightly, causing the younger to lift his head from Jackson's shoulder. They made direct eye contact, brown gazed into brown and both saw their honesty, their vulnerability.

"Yeah, I think you're cool." Jinyoung kept the low voice, matching the softness of the room that had now arrived out of nowhere.

"I think you're cool too." Jackson breathed out gently, his warm breath travelling the short distance to Jinyoung's face.

The atmosphere changed suddenly. From being soft and gentle, it was now filled with this weird tension that Jinyoung had never experienced before. It made Jinyoung's stomach flutter, his heart race and suddenly he wanted Jackson closer. Close enough for their bodies to press against each other. He wanted Jackson to hold him in his strong arms, to bury his head in Jinyoung's neck and to just feel the older's body heat against him.

Jinyoung had no idea how to act. This new atmosphere was completely different from everything he had ever known. He didn't know what it was. Was it like what he had felt with his few, short-lived school sweethearts? But it was stronger than that. So much better than that. So much more appealing than that. This filled his senses, overwhelming him in a way he had never known. He wanted the heat, the tension, to escalate so it could break. But he wanted the softness, the sincerity, to grow and to never stop growing.

"Jinyoung, I'm going to kiss you now. If you don't want me to, say anything." Jackson looked at Jinyoung with this dark sweetness in his eyes as he held the younger's face in his hands.

Jinyoung had never kissed a guy. He had barely considered it. Yet he couldn't bring himself to say anything. He wanted to feel Jackson's lips against his own. He felt more of want towards Jackson than any of his past relationships, past girlfriends.

Jackson stared at Jinyoung's face for a few seconds before he leaned in, so slowly - too slowly. Jinyoung licked his lips, apprehensively waiting. Both their eyes fluttered shut at the same time their lips touched. It was nothing more than a simple touch of lips. Jinyoung felt Jackson's lips against his own and he instantly craved _more_. He wanted to feel those dry and plump lips on every part of his body. He felt Jackson move his lips the tiniest bit and Jinyoung immediately followed. Their lips grooved together in a slow, careful way. Jinyoung was tingling with excitement when he felt Jackson's stubble on his upper lip brushing against his skin.

Jinyoung wrapped his arms around Jackson's neck. His hands ran through Jackson's dark hair. Jackson held Jinyoung by his waist, pushing the younger. Jinyoung laid flat on his back with Jackson above him. Jackson was holding his face with both hands, the softness of the cradle matching with the slow pace of the kiss. Their legs were a tangled mess, Jinyoung's barely still crossed while Jackson kneeled around them.

Jackson pulled away to breathe, much to Jinyoung's dismay. Jinyoung made a soft whine, pulling Jackson back against his mouth. Jackson chuckled, the sound getting lost against Jinyoung's mouth. Their second kiss was just as slow and even sweeter. Jackson still cradled Jinyoung's face, his thumbs stroking against the younger's soft cheeks.

Jinyoung wanted more of Jackson's mouth though. The younger barely thought his actions through before he peeked his tongue out and swiped it against Jackson's bottom lip. The older instantly pulled away - not what Jinyoung was hoping for.

"Jinyoungie, are you sure?" Jackson puffed against Jinyoung's lips. His eyes searched Jinyoung's face and his hands continued to stroke.

"Yes. Now, please, hurry up," Jinyoung pleaded shamelessly in a gasp for air. Not that he cared since he just wanted Jackson, _now_. Any embarrassment was not even registering in the younger’s mind.

Jackson grinned widely. He whispered between the two of them, "Sure."

Jinyoung felt his heart falter at the sight of Jackson smiling because of _him_. Jinyoung made Jackson happy the same way Jackson made him happy. Jinyoung smiled back, equally as wide and completely uncovered for one of the first times ever.

"Smile again," Jackson said, his eyes softening like melted chocolate and his hands lifted Jinyoung's face up.

Jinyoung felt his cheeks burn red with shyness. He moved his hands away from Jackson's neck to cover his smile.

"No, you're not allowed your hands." Jackson was grinning. He took Jinyoung's hands in his own, interlacing their fingers as he held them in the centre of his broad chest.

Jinyoung let out a few small giggles despite his shyness. He wanted to hide his face somewhere, _anywhere_. Again, Jinyoung barely thought out his actions before he completed them. He used their close proximity to his advantage. The Korean leaned slightly forward, aiming to burrow his face into the crook of Jackson's neck. He felt Jackson chuckle, the soft rumbles of his throat vibrating against the younger’s temple.

“You’re cute,” Jackson declared. He let go of their combined hands to wrap his arms around the younger’s shoulders. He pulled Jinyoung further into him.

Jinyoung relished in the way Jackson held him tight and protective. He snuggled further into the Chinese man's neck, discretely sniffing his distinct designer cologne - burnt wood, like a fireplace - and the distinct lemon body wash. His back carefully met the soft blankets on Jackson's bed again. Jackson hugged close, planting a kiss on the younger's head. That made Jinyoung's heart race. Jinyoung used his free hands to hold onto the older's hoodie, pulling the older close so their chests were flushed together. The Korean heard the Chinese man hum softly and contently, his arms squeezing the younger once. Jinyoung uncrossed his legs, stretching them out as Jackson tangled his own legs with them. Jinyoung smiled, truly happy in that moment.

"Thank you," Jackson whispered above him. The older shifted them slightly to tug out the blanket to drape it across them.

"Happy birthday, Jacksonie." Jinyoung kissed the older's neck tentatively. He let himself be embraced by the older and the blanket.

"Night." Jackson kissed the younger's head again. He settled them on their side. Jinyoung was still buried into the older and their bodies were close together under the blanket.

"You know the pillows are on the other side of the bed," Jinyoung giggled.

"Night, Jinyoung," Jackson repeated in a dry tone before his voice softened. "I can't wait until your birthday so I can shower you with kisses." Then he drifted off to sleep.

Jinyoung knew that he had to understand what happened between him and Jackson. What it meant for them. What it meant for him. Was he gay? Had he always been gay? And what about Jackson? Was he gay too? Was he open and accepting about it? Jinyoung knew that he had a lot to consider and to think through. But he couldn't bring himself to do so. Not when he felt like his life was going good. He was getting his dream career. He had friends and family. He had a romantic interest. All that was left was the character development. The perfect story.

•••

Okay, so maybe Jinyoung _should_ have focused on answering his questions since that night with Jackson. If he did, he wouldn't be like this two months later. He wouldn't be staring at Jackson across the canteen. His food was going cold. His precious, yummy food. All for that guy across the room. The guy who was taking goddamn food pictures to probably post on that Western social media app - insta-something. The guy who looked up at Mark and cracked a joke in English or Chinese (Jinyoung wasn't good at lip-reading, let alone lip-reading another language). If only he had asked Jackson straight what it meant. What cuddling each other all night and waking up together meant. What kissing each other like that meant. What still doing that occasionally meant. What they were. Friends? Did friends do this? Jinyoung didn't do any of this with Jaebeom, Wonpil or even Mark. So, maybe it was a Chinese thing? Because Jackson had acted casual about it after. Sure, he approached Jinyoung more often and conducted more skinship that the two have ever before. But Jackson never acted as something significant happened.

But then why did Jinyoung's stomach flutter when Jackson looked at him? Why did his heart race when Jackson hugged him? Why did he feel so light when the older laugh? Why didn't he like the fact that Jackson was across the room rather than next to him? What did all that mean? Jinyoung had no fucking clue and he _hated_ it.

"Bad math lesson or something?"

Wonpil slid into Jinyoung's view, blocking Jackson. Jinyoung had to blink a few times to refocus his eyes on his friend.

"Something," Jinyoung muttered. He poked his food, mixing the rice around for a bit. Once again, Jinyoung didn't think before he spoke (something that _everyone_ had told him was a bad habit of his). "Hyung, can you- is it okay to like _people_?"

"Jinyoung, if you want to make other friends, just tell me. I promise I won't miss you," Wonpil grinned back cheekily.

"No, I didn't mean that. I meant, _like_ ," Jinyoung bit his tongue as he looked at Wonpil carefully.

Wonpil slowed down his actions. He put his chopsticks down carefully. He looked Jinyoung in the eyes, trying to find something (Jinyoung didn't know what). He was quiet. Too quiet. Wonpil was never this quiet. Jinyoung was nervous. This is why he should word his words more eloquently. Jinyoung slapped himself mentally.

"Who told you?" Wonpil whispered. His voice was defensive and scared. It made Jinyoung scared.

"Told me what? Hyung, I'm asking because I think I might like Jackson in _that_ way," Jinyoung rushed out in his words in a fast whisper. The way Wonpil was acting was worrying Jinyoung and he wasn't sure why Wonpil was acting like that. It made Jinyoung nervous and scared to share his feelings. What was Wonpil hiding from him? They were close friends. They told each other practically everything. Right?

"Oh. _Oh,_ " Wonpil breathed out. He looked confused yet he understood what was happening. Unlike Jinyoung. "Like, _like like_?"

Jinyoung nodded. He was scared. What if Wonpil thought he was weird? Maybe he should have gone to Jaebeom about this. But then, he didn’t know how Jaebeom would react. At least, Wonpil is a _bit_ more soft-spoken.

"Jinyoung, have you thought about your sexuality?" Wonpil asked the question carefully. His voice was lowered, hinting to Jinyoung that he too should be quiet.

Jinyoung shook in his head in response. It wasn't expected of him to think differently. No one else seemed to think differently. No one else stayed up all night questioning why he felt like this over a _guy_ and not a _girl_.

"Jinyoungie, you know that there are other sexualities than heterosexuality? Not everyone is straight, yeah? And you know that it's okay to not be straight? It's perfectly fine and just as good," Wonpil was being so patient and understanding with Jinyoung. His words made sense. He was like he _knew_ what Jinyoung was feeling.

"Hyung, am I- is this-?" Jinyoung felt overwhelmed. Did this make him gay? Was Jinyoung gay? That would explain that one-time Jinyoung couldn't stop thinking about the cute boy in his new class in middle school. And that boy in his maths tuition class - Jinyoung had actually briefly liked maths for a while. And that boy who worked at the convenience store who always gave Jinyoung an extra packet of ramen.

“Jinyoungie, have you ever felt this way before?”

“Not to this level. It’s much more intense with Jackson. There were a few crushes before. But, it’s different when I’m with Jackson. He’s different,” Jinyoung answered honestly. Wonpil looked like he knew more than he was saying.

“I’m gay. You know you can talk to me, right?”

Jinyoung blinked at Wonpil, lost for words. Then, it was like it just clicked in Jinyoung’s head. He _was_ gay. And his friend Wonpil was gay too. Wonpil was scared of someone telling JYP. Scared of the public knowing. Scared of his career stopping before it had even started. Jinyoung knew he had to be careful with this. He couldn’t tell just anyone.

“Hyung, you’re the best. You know that, right?” Jinyoung said sincerely to Wonpil. “Can you help me?”

“Eh, I try. Eat and then I’ll think about helping you,” Wonpil nodded at Jinyoung, a warm smile on his lips. The younger beamed at the older before he started eating.

“Hyung. Wonpil hyung. I think I am gay,” Jinyoung started the second he finished chewing his last bite. “Which means that I’m crushing big time on Jackson. We kissed, hyung. What does that mean?”

“You’re not that innocent, are you?” Wonpil smirked at Jinyoung.

“I am not." Jinyoung rolled his eyes. "But what does it mean?” Jinyoung took Wonpil’s tray as they both finished to avoid the soft look the older gave him, similar to one may give a baby taking its first steps.

They stood up together, Wonpil wrapping his arm around Jinyoung’s shoulders. The older leaned towards Jinyoung’s ear to whisper, “It means he likes you too.”

“Oh,” Jinyoung felt his ears heat up and his eyes involuntarily wondered to Jackson who was already looking at the two. Jinyoung watched Jackson stare at them with something indecipherable in his eyes and his jaw was clenched. Wonpil started laughing next to him, finding a shy Jinyoung amusing. Jinyoung took the opportunity to hide his insecurity. “I mean, obviously he likes me. Who doesn’t? Hyung, what do I do?”

Jinyoung let himself be steered out by Wonpil’s arm on his shoulders after they dumped their trays. He knew what he wanted to ask Wonpil - could him and Jackson date? Would it be possible? Would it be wise? Jinyoung had only fully understood and accepted (because it really cleared up a lot for the younger and made complete sense) his sexuality. He hadn’t told his parents, his sisters, Jaebeom. Could he tell them? Should he tell them? He knew the Korean culture wasn’t so advanced in their opinion but surely they would still see Jinyoung as Jinyoung.

“Listen, Jinyoung,” Wonpil said as he sat the two of them down on a bench just outside the instruments room. “I know there’s a lot to think about. I recommend telling those who you trust. Once you tell those who won’t see you differently, who won’t hold it against, then I’d say be in a relationship with Jackson hyung. It won’t be easy telling people. My dad took a while to accept it, unlike my mum. It might be the same for you. It might not. Just don’t jump into the deep end, okay? I’m always if you need to talk about anything. I mean it. I’ll look after you.”

Wonpil held eye contact with Jinyoung, both of them tearing up slightly. Jinyoung nodded gratefully for Wonpil’s sincerity and honesty. No one could compete with what these two had. Jinyoung pulled the older Korean in for a hug. Both of them wrapped their arms tightly around each other, burying their heads into each other’s shoulders.

“Thank you,” Jinyoung whispered softly. “Thank you so much.”

Jinyoung let Wonpil go to his piano lesson after teasing him that Jinyoung could still play better than him. Wonpil had reminded Jinyoung that he was the one who taught the younger.

Laughing to himself, Jinyoung walked aimlessly around the hallways. He supposed he could go find an empty dance room and practice that bit in Bounce since they did have a fan meet in Busan coming up. Maybe Jinyoung could tell his family then… But that would mean he’d tell Jaebeom before, in case he needed someone on his side. Assuming Jaebeom wouldn’t hold it against him. Maybe he should tell Mark first - Americans are very open culturally - and he could help the younger?

Jinyoung was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice the person walking closely behind him. The said person grabbed Jinyoung and pulled him into a storage cupboard.

Jinyoung yelped, “What the hell?”

The cupboard was dark until Jinyoung heard a switch flip. Jackson was standing by the door, arms by his sides and hands fisted. He had a heavy gaze directed towards Jinyoung, his eyebrows were furrowed and his jaw was clenched.

“Jackson, what are you doing?” Jinyoung was confused and too aware of the fact that Jackson was an _athlete_ \- the most exercise Jinyoung did was dance practice. Jinyoung was skinny and barely built to defend himself. Still, he wouldn't go down that easily. He'd take his chances against an athlete.

“What are _you_ doing?” Jackson flipped the question, tension clear in his demeanour.

Jinyoung blinked confused for a second before Jackson continued.

"You're all friendly with that _guy_ \- I don't even know who he is! You can't be going around like that. Not when, when we're like..."

"That guy? Wonpil hyung? Jackson, he's my friend. And what are we? Because I've been trying to figure it out for months and I still don't know!"

Jinyoung was confused and annoyed. What did Jackson think they were? He wanted to know so he could actually understand. But he doesn't get why Jackson knew before him.

"Aren't we dating?" Jackson's voice was soft like he was almost scared of getting it wrong.

"Are we? Because we never defined exactly what we are. I've been talking to Wonpil hyung for lots of reasons - he's helped me figure some stuff out."

Jackson's face merged into a confused expression and Jinyoung found it cute how easily his face mirrored his emotions. Especially his eyes. The brown orbs acted as a seeing-glass into Jackson’s emotions and his heart, all of it so genuine and honest that it hurt Jinyoung to see them sad.

"Helped you with what? I thought you knew I liked you. Do you not like me?"

"I like you, I like you a lot. It's just," Jinyoung sighed heavily. Maybe the first person he'd tell would be Jackson by the looks of it. "It's just that I hadn't fully realised I was gay before this, before today. I haven't even told my family or Jaebeom hyung. It makes sense. It clears up so much. But I didn't know."

Jinyoung felt himself tear up and he didn't even know why. It felt like a boulder moved off his chest only to be placed on his head. His heart felt light and happy but his brain worked itself over and over, thinking of everything that could go wrong. Jinyoung focused on the floor in front of him. The tears threatened to spill any moment.

"Hey," Jackson whispered. He took a step closer, reaching out carefully towards Jinyoung. "It's okay. I know it's hard. I'm bisexual and my parents just about get it."

Jinyoung looked up at Jackson who was much closer than Jinyoung realised. Jackson had his arms open, ready to hug the younger when he wanted to be hugged. Jinyoung leaned forward slightly, the tears finally making the way down his cheeks. Jackson hugged him tightly. He tucked the younger into his chest. Jinyoung's head rested in the crook of Jackson's neck and his own hands covered his face. Jackson had an arm around his waist while the other stroked his nape soothingly.

"It's okay. It's going to get better. I promise. Stop thinking of all the negative outcomes because they won't happen. Your parents are still going to love you. Your sisters are still going to love you. Jaebeom hyung is still going to love you. All of them, they'll be there still. They won't let this get in the way of being with their son, their brother.”

Jinyoung let the tears fall, not even trying to act like these weren’t his worries. He didn’t want his mum to stop sending him food. He didn’t want his dad to disown because his son didn’t match his religion. Jinyoung could still be Christian and be gay. He didn’t want his sisters and him to stop having coffee lunches so they could catch up with each other. He didn’t want Jaebeom to not want to work with him, to not want to be a part of JJP. Jinyoung didn’t want any of that. He also didn’t want other trainees to know or the staff to know. He certainly didn’t want JYP to know because who knew how the CEO would react? Jinyoung wanted to be with Jackson but could he? Should he?

Jackson let the younger cry, silent in his overthinking. He held the younger, waiting for him to talk to Jackson. He embraced the younger, stroking his nape and kissing his head softly.

When Jinyoung had calmed down enough, he reluctantly pulled out of Jackson's embrace. "I need to know what we are. What we could be."

Jackson's eyes softened as he held the younger close by his waist. Jackson took a small breath. "I like you a lot, Jinyoung. I would like to date you. I know that we have to be careful and a bunch of other things but I think you're worth the risk. You're one of a kind and you're sweet and thoughtful and kind even though you hide it with sly remarks. And you're confident and awkward but it's a part of your charm. You're really cute, especially your little eye smiles." The older pinched the sides of his eyes gently. "They're really cute. You're really cute. And hot at the same time. And you always look after everyone. Even if you're not close to them. Like the other day when BamBam didn't understand the vocal coach. You stayed behind and sat with him, going through it. You were patient and you tried to talk to him in English which was even cuter. He came to me right after and told me that he made a Korean friend. He was so happy - it was nice seeing him happy. Or with Mark, he tells me all the time how you just sit with him so he isn't lonely. And then with Jaebeom hyung, you and he have one of the best friendships I've ever seen. It's like you guys are puzzle pieces and it's so _warm_ watching you act like a kid with him because he's the only one you feel comfortable to do that with. And when you're with me, it's totally different. You're so open and raw and you just say it how it is. You don't try to sugarcoat it because you know that's pointless. You _get_ it, you get me. God, you're just so beautiful and amazing." The older stumbled through the Korean words but Jinyoung felt his sincerity, he heard his genuine attraction to the younger.

Jinyoung felt his face burn. He didn't even know that Jackson had noticed all of that. Nor did he know that BamBam appreciated his help that much that day - though it would explain the random hug and kiss on the cheek the younger gave him after. He hadn't known that he stood out so much to Jackson. He did like Jackson, he would love dating Jackson. It was just the risks. The risks with his family, his career, his friends. Could he stand proudly like he had no worries? He knew Wonpil would stand by him and he knew that Jackson would be helping him as well. Jinyoung wasn't sure if the risk was worth it but something told that Jackson was worth it.

"I like you too," Jinyoung whispered. He covered his face in embarrassment and he heard Jackson squeal, embracing him again.

"So, are we dating? Are you okay with the risks?" Jackson was serious now. Jinyoung knew the older would understand if he said no and if he didn't want to act on his feelings. But Jinyoung felt like he _had_ to act on his feelings like he wouldn't be able to be without Jackson.

"We're dating," Jinyoung whispered again as a smile took over his face. He uncovered his face, wrapping his arms around Jackson's waist as he ducked his head to Jackson's chest.

"Cute," Jackson declared and Jinyoung laughed loudly.

•••

"The fucking cunt."

"You shouldn't swear. Not when we're still in the building."

"I'd apologise if I actually cared, Jirongie."

While the old nickname hinted that Jaebeom was more hurt than angry, Jinyoung still wanted to ease the older's anger.

"You should, Jaebongi hyung. We're still a part of the company, even if it's back as trainees again," Jinyoung spoke softly, trying to clear the fog of emotions that Jaebeom was lost in. "We could always debut again. Maybe with more members. You know how hard it is to be a duo."

At this point, the two of them were standing outside the JYP building in the middle of the pavement. Jinyoung watched as Jaebeom considered his words and the younger swore he could see his eyes clear from a fog.

"You're right," The older groaned in frustration. He swung an arm over Jinyoung's shoulders, pulling him close as they walked down the street. "It might be better. Less harsh attention on you which means you don't have to worry as much."

Jinyoung had told Jaebeom he was gay the evening after he and Jackson became official. The older had nodded then asked if the younger one or two eggs with his ramen. Jinyoung had to ask a few questions (Jaebeom would call it endless interrogating) just to know exactly how the older felt. Which was unbothered. He wasn't affected by Jinyoung's sexuality nor his relationship with Jackson. Although Jinyoung did see Jaebeom talking to Jackson with his chin out and he was the one doing all the talking - Jackson later told Jinyoung that Jaebeom threatened to kill him if he ever hurt the younger. Jinyoung was happy to know that it didn’t affect their close friendship. Jinyoung felt like Jaebeom was in sync with his thoughts like right now as he too had been worried about whether the harsher attention on a duo would be harder for Jinyoung to keep up with.

“Maybe,” Jinyoung hummed in thought. Maybe it would be better, maybe it wouldn’t. “Still, this is the worst thing I have experienced.”

Jaebeom chuckled, always amused with Jinyoung’s theatrics. “We’re not done with this yet, you know. We could always debut again. Besides, I heard the company is having some money issues which is probably why they pulled us back. Fuckers can’t even manage themselves.”

Jinyoung looked up slightly to see his older brother. His best friend. The best hyung he's ever had. The person who told 15-year-old Jinyoung that getting the top grade for everything wasn't imperative. The person who taught Jinyoung how to live. The person who took Jinyoung out for walks where they would just _talk_ about everything and Jinyoung would just relax. The person showed him how to be a teenager and just that. Jinyoung was grateful to have Jaebeom in his life. He doesn't know what he would do without the older. The nights spent crying - either homesick or lost in his negativity and his perfectionism - where Jaebeom would hold him. He wouldn't promise intangible things. He would sit there, be a warm presence for the younger. Jinyoung knew he had to have Jaebeom for the rest of his life. And he was never going to let him go.

"Why are you staring at me?" Jaebeom pushed his face away, using his two forefingers as leverage on the younger's forehead.

Jinyoung let out a happy laugh which had Jaebeom joining in. Jinyoung felt himself calm down from the earlier news. He still had Jaebeom, regardless of being a public duo or not. They would always be JJP and they would always be a duo.

"Come on, I'll treat you."

"To what? Store brought kimbap?"

"Listen here, kid, I'm your _hyung_. You need to stop being so troublesome. You and your cheeky antics," Jaebeom huffed out, acting annoyed though Jinyoung saw the smile on his face.

"I am not troublesome," The younger protested. He turned on his _agyeo_ just to irritate his hyung. "I'm cute." Jinyoung pouted, sticking out his lips dramatically.

"Ah, seriously." Jaebeom pinched his lips and pulled them out further. Jinyoung grimaced and starting to pull at Jaebeom's hand on his lips. The older used the arm around Jinyoung's shoulders to put him in a headlock. "What I am going to do with you?" Jaebeom sighed. He let go of Jinyoung's lips and ruffled his hair, keeping him in a headlock.

"Buy me ramen with egg." Jinyoung grinned cheekily, wanting to be fed. "I worry your bank account won't be able to afford meat."

"Oh, at least you care about my wallet."

"It's the only thing I care about."

"Oi!" Jaebeom tightened the headlock and Jinyoung was trying to elbow the older.

The two were in the middle of the streets in central Seoul, lost in their brotherly fights. They kept teasing each other and when Jaebeom brought Jinyoung ramen, the younger brought an extra packet for his hyung. They eventually made it back to the dorms where they were _discussing_ which parts of JJP they wouldn't miss.

"I won't have to wear that stupid choker." Jinyoung cheered loudly. "And my hair! I won't have to walk around with _that_ mohawk!"

Jaebeom was clutching his stomach laughing as Jinyoung let loose an ugly celebratory dance.

"Hyung, maybe you'll get to dye your hair all one colour!" Jinyoung added on as he pulled at the older's orange and blonde hair.

"Hey! I chose the colours!" Jaebeom tackled Jinyoung again.

"Oh, hyung, _why_ would you do that?" Jinyoung looked at Jaebeom as if he was a child who just put PVA glue on his hands and stuck them together. Jinyoung laughed as Jaebeom gritted his jaw, causing his jaw to pop out.

"You guys are back!"

The two boys turned to find the owner of the voice appearing out of the shared trainee dorm bathroom. Jackson was in a pair of boxers and a towel was slung over his shoulders. He gestured for them to wait five minutes in which he had dressed into a pair of tracksuit bottoms and a tank top. He grinned at Jaebeom and Jinyoung, gesturing for them to enter the kitchen after him.

Jinyoung smiled back and was about to follow him when Jaebeom pulled him back by his arm.

"You need to tell him. We're going to be moving back into here so you two have to hide it even more." Jaebeom's tone was firm, clear in what Jinyoung had to do but his eyes were soft. Soft like he was doing this to help them, to protect them - which he really was.

"I will. Later," Jinyoung promised, his eyes pleading to just let him spend time with Jackson.

"Fine," Jaebeom sighed and Jinyoung let out a little cheer. The older put him in another headlock, covering his mouth. "Why are you so loud and annoying?"

Jinyoung licked Jaebeom's hand which made Jaebeom let go of him in disgust. He stuck his tongue out at the older before running to hide behind Jackson in the kitchen.

"Jinyoung!" Jaebeom was yelling but Jinyoung had already pulled Jackson in front of him under the guise of back hugging him.

"I made tea," Jackson smiled at Jaebeom and Jaebeom narrowed his eyes at the Chinese man.

"He's using you as a shield," Jaebeom pointed out as he took his mug and sat down at the extremely small table.

"And I'll be his shield forever." Jackson rubbed Jinyoung's hands that sat on his stomach.

"And that was terribly cheesy." Jinyoung frowned against Jackson's beautiful back muscles. He subtlety pecked the muscles before letting go to sit at the table. He grabbed a triple chocolate chip cookie to eat while his tea cooled.

"Jinyoungie, you shouldn't eat that. Your next comeback could be soon." Jackson joined them at the table, unaware of the tension his comment caused.

"Just tell him now," Jaebeom told Jinyoung. His eyes watched how Jinyoung quickly stuffed as much of the cookie as he could into his mouth. "Seriously?"

Jinyoung widened his eyes innocently while shrugging as he gestured at his full mouth, indicating how he couldn't talk.

"Tell me what? What happened? What did JYP say?" Jackson's eyebrows were tensed in concentration and his back was straight as he leaned forward slightly to focus on the duo.

"JJP is over." Jaebeom kept his face neutral even though both of the younger two saw the slight jutting of his jaw.

"Over? What do you mean?" Jackson looked between the two, trying to understand what happened and trying to gauge their feelings.

"Over as in that was it. We're not going to have another comeback. Ever." Jinyoung finally piped up and he hated how small his voice sounded. He focused on the brown tea in front of him rather than the two closest people in his life opposite him.

"That's really fucking stupid. You guys are brilliant! And that new trainee - Yug-something, the tall one - he really loves Bounce. It's all he sings!"

"Yeah, well, we're done and who knows when we'll next debut?" Jinyoung knew he was sounding bitter but he couldn’t help it. His dream had finally been reached after three years only to be snatched back. Would he have to wait another three years?

“It won’t be long until you two next debut. I doubt they’re going to hold you guys back. You’re too powerful not to be out there.” Jackson reassured them.

Jaebeom let out a deep sigh. “Maybe. I don’t know, I just want to make music, man.”

To hear his hyung speaking in such a desolate manner made Jinyoung want to cry but he wanted to fight everything that made Jaebeom sad.

No more words were said until Jackson changed the topic. He made the duo laugh as he told them how he tried to buy pork bibimbap without spice only for the vendor to misunderstand him and put too much spice on it. His exaggerated actions and high pitched cackles made Jinyoung incredibly fond. He watched how Jaebeom started to explain the whole _hyung_ thing again to Jackson who just kept repeating _‘you’re only a month and a half older than me though’_.

Soon, it got late enough to call it a night. They told Jaebeom goodnight and Jinyoung walked to Jackson’s room with him. Once they were inside and the door was shut, Jackson instantly pulled Jinyoung in for a comforting hug. Jinyoung accepted the warm embrace as Jackson nuzzled into his neck, kissing the soft skin to comfort Jinyoung.

They stayed like that for a long while before Jinyoung broke away and went to look out the small window.

"I might just leave," Jinyoung whispered with his back to Jackson.

"Why? So what if you're a trainee again? There's still a chance of debut again." Jackson stepped forward, placing a hand on Jinyoung's shoulder only to be shrugged off.

"But for how long? I waited for three years to be JJP. How long do I have to wait now?" Jinyoung felt the tears slowly building up in his eyes so he brought his hands up to dig his palms into his eyes.

"Jinyoungie, it's okay to feel discouraged right now but don't let it stop you. You said that to me the first time I couldn't find the correct rhythm in a rap. Remember?" Jackson took the chance to wrap his arms around Jinyoung's waist. "Do you remember that? I was so ready to go back to Hong Kong, grovel to my dad and become a fencer again. If I had given up, I'd be on my way to London at this very moment. But I didn't. You didn't let me. Remember all of that?"

"Of course I remember," Jinyoung croaked out. The tears had gone from his eyes only to find refuge in his throat. He wrapped his arms around himself, hugging himself even though Jackson was already there.

"So, you know that I'm not going to let you give up. If you do, you might regret it. Say Jaebeom hyung stays and debuts, won't you hate how you gave up? Yeah, you'll become a teacher and you'll tell the kids that you know him but don't you want to be with him? With me?"

"What do you mean _with me_? I'll still be with you. Jackson, we don't have to be in the same company to be together." Jinyoung turned around in Jackson's arms, placing his hands on either side of the elder's face.

"It won't be easy. You and I both know how hard it is to be in this type of relationship in cultures like this."

"Yeah but that won't stop us."

"But with you back in Busan -"

"Jinhae."

"- and me in Seoul, how often are we going to see each other? And what about if I finally debut? Is it worth losing your dream? Losing me?"

"How can you say I'm going to lose you?"

"We have to consider every outcome."

“So, consider this. You debut. Jaebeom hyung debuts. Wonpil hyung debuts. Mark hyung debuts. Everyone debuts but I’m still here. Just stuck here because I don’t have what it takes. Because I’m not an idol. That’s considering every outcome. If I quit while I’m ahead, at least it will hurt less.” Jinyoung closed his eyes and dug his palms into them.

Jackson nudged the younger’s head so it rested on his shoulder. He rubbed Jinyoung’s back, waiting for him to stop shaking before he talked. “I know what you’re scared of. But you should know that no one is going to leave you. No matter what you decide. Everyone, friends, family, me. We will always be right next to you, always. We won’t leave you. _I_ won’t leave you, Jinyoungie. I just don’t want you to give up out of fear.”

Jinyoung didn’t say in response but he solemnly took in Jackson’s words. He needed to think. He knew he was considering something massive. While he appreciated talking with Jackson since he had helped him, he still needed to think. By himself. He slowly lifted himself out of the older’s arms, humming slightly when Jackson kissed his forehead gently. Then, Jinyoung exited the room. He walked past Yugyeom - a new trainee who was overgrown and yet still growing, the one that was a massive fan of Bounce. Jinyoung had taken a liking to him when he saw the younger accidentally start a dance battle with Jaebeom. The younger Korean had gotten so flustered and apologised non-stop even though no one had taken it seriously. Yugyeom was studying in the kitchen, drinking chocolate milk (maybe that contributed to his growth?) and completing his maths homework. Jinyoung barely spared him a nod as he walked out of the trainee dorms. He had taken a scarf, some loose change and his heavy thoughts.

Jinyoung didn't know where he was going but he knew he just wanted to think. Eventually, he ended up in a children's park - similar to the one he always went to with Mark. He wondered if Mark would still continue this tradition if he left. He wondered who would look after Mark when the older didn't want to speak. He wondered who would look after BamBam. Who would stop the fights between him and Yugyeom by trying to explain why the other was hurt. He wondered who would pack Yugyeom's lunch and ask him school was. He wondered who Jackson would turn to when he felt homesick and disappointed in himself. Would the older find a new person to talk all night to? He wondered who would laugh at Jackson's jokes and hug him when he was feeling down. He wondered if Jaebeom would find someone better than Jinyoung. If Jaebeom would miss him. If Jaebeom and Mark could reign in his short temper. He wondered if Jaebeom would find another younger brother than him. If Jaebeom would miss him.

The younger stayed on the swings, looking up at the dark sky, city lights and aeroplane stars. He started swinging, trying to reach the sky as if being there would help him. He wondered if he could touch the sky, he would remember why he chose to do this. Why he wanted it. Why he was here. Why he left home, his beautiful hometown, to move to a giant city where he knew no one and nothing. He remembered forcing himself not to talk in his dialect while finishing high school and training. He wondered if he could see who he was by reaching the sky. His memories, the good parts. Who he was as a singer, as a rapper, as an actor and as a _person_.

Before Jinyoung knew it, the sun was rising. The sky was painted in warm oranges and passionate reds. Hints of pink painted themselves around clouds. Jinyoung kept swinging, hoping the light would let himself see what he should do. He squinted as the sun burned his tired eyes. He slowed his swinging as he realised something. He finally realised something in the middle of a kid's playground at 4-something in the morning. He realised that this _is_ what he wants. He wanted to be on stage. He wanted to perform. He wanted to have fans. He wanted it all. Just because he didn't get that this time doesn't mean he won't get it another time. There must be something bigger and better for him.

Jinyoung stood from the swing, a bit wobbly since had been swinging for some hours nonstop. He checked his pocket, counting the change before he decided on what exactly to do. He walked to the nearest convenience store and brought three boxes of chicken. He made his way back to the trainee dorm where he met Jaebeom in the kitchen.

"Jinyoung? Did you only just get back? Jackson was worried about you," The older spoke rushed. He had walked over to the younger, checking him for any injuries.

"I'm fine, hyung. I've never been better. It’s going to be okay," Jinyoung smiled at the older before hugging him tightly. "I brought you chicken."

"You spent money on me? And you're sure you're okay?" Jaebeom asked again and Jinyoung could hear his smile. "Seriously though, don't ever do that again. I won't let you go so easily, okay? I'm selfish, I need you here."

They broke apart, laughing softly with fondness warming their eyes. Jinyoung handed over the box before informing Jaebeom he was going to wake Jackson up.

Jinyoung knocked on the door softly before walking in. As expected, Jackson was asleep in bed. He had a small frown on his face and he was hugging a hoodie tight. Jinyoung walked in, carefully shutting the door behind him. He tiptoed to Jackson's bed where he placed the food bag on the bedstand. Jinyoung sat on the edge of the bed by Jackson's legs.

"Hey, Jackson," Jinyoung murmured, shaking the older's legs slightly. "Jackson, time to wake up."

Jackson groaned and his eyes scrunched up before he moved to lie on his side. Only he couldn't fully move because Jinyoung was sitting in the way. The Chinese man opened his eyes and squinted blearily at Jinyoung.

Jinyoung smiled, his hand stroking the older's legs. "Morning."

Jackson shot up. He adjusted himself so that he was close to Jinyoung. He pulled Jinyoung in for a hug, resting his head on the younger's shoulders. He sighed relaxed, "You're back."

"I'm back and here to stay." Jinyoung petted Jackson, loving the way the older hugged him tighter.

"Thank God." Jackson breathed out, kissing the younger's shoulder. He pulled back, cupping Jinyoung's face. "Where were you? I was so worried. Did you stay out all night? Did you sleep at all?"

"I was in a park," Jinyoung smiled because it was one of the best nights he's ever had. He felt like he connected with himself again like he finally understood the person he had become. He wasn't the kid hiding his dialect in a foreign city anymore. He was a performer, a strong and talented one and he was going to debut again. His dreams weren’t over yet. "I was on a swing all night, just looking at the sky."

"Are you mad? You could've been seriously hurt! Kidnapped! I'm never letting you out alone," Jackson pulled the younger to his neck, squeezing him tight.

Jinyoung giggled. His own arms came up to hug Jackson. "I brought you chicken."

"Chicken for breakfast?" Jinyoung nodded in response. "You're amazing."

Jinyoung tapped the older's lips with his own in response.

"I'm going to go get ready and then we can eat together." Jackson decided. He climbed off the bed and held a hand out to help Jinyoung up. The younger grabbed his hand. He wobbled slightly, his legs slowly feeling the burn from swinging. Jackson quickly wrapped an arm around his waist, supporting him. His face was covered in worry and concern. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Swinging for some hours straight was bound to have some kind of effect on my legs," Jinyoung teased, cupping the older's face. Jackson still looked worried so Jinyoung pecked his lips. "I am fine." He declared strongly.

Jackson decided to let it go though Jinyoung had a feeling he would tell Jaebeom. The two of them always seemed to work against Jinyoung for some weird reason - Mark once said it wasn't working against him, it was looking after him. Mark was just as much of a traitor when it came to that.

The two went to go freshen up before meeting back in the kitchen. Jinyoung warmed up their food and sat with Jackson on the floor as the table was packed with food containers.

“Can you not to take a photo for once?” Jinyoung complained as he watched Jackson rearrange the food for his food picture.

“It’s 5 am and my boyfriend brought me breakfast. Let me take my picture,” Jackson pouted at Jinyoung who simply rolled his eyes.

“Hey, who got food?” BamBam exclaimed, suddenly appearing with his nose in the air like a hound.

“Back off, it’s mine,” Jackson protected his food, leaving his phone on the floor besides Jinyoung.

“But it’s so early and I'm so hungry!”

While Jackson tackled BamBam, Jinyoung took the older’s phone. It was loaded on that western social media app - Instagram. It looked like it was ready to post but it needed a caption. Jinyoung tapped the screen, switching the keyboards so the Korean one appear. He typed out the caption before clicking post. He smiled proudly of his caption despite struggling with the layout of the keyboard (he wasn't used to these fancy phones).

_5 am in the morning… I cannot stand it_

**(A/N it’s an actual post on Jackson’s page, 25th April 2013)**

•••

It was a Wednesday. Mark and Jinyoung had made a silent agreement. Every Wednesday, after dance practice but before vocal practice, the two would grab an ice cream and sit in the park across the building together. Most times, they said nothing, just ate their ice cream together. Sometimes, Mark would point at things and Jinyoung would say what they were in Korean. Other times, Jinyoung would rant in his dialect about this annoying kid at school or how Jaebeom is being mean again or how much he misses his family and Mark would listen. Mark would nod, hum, pat Jinyoung's back and hug the younger before they made their way back. Jinyoung was unsure just how much Mark understood. He knew Mark found it hard. A different language, a different country, a different culture. Mark was literally on the other side of the world and he constantly called his family, talking in English in the middle of the night.

That Wednesday was slightly different, however. That Wednesday would always be marked in Jinyoung's calendar.

Jinyoung paid for the ice cream Mark had chosen before the two started the short walk to the park. The two sat down on their usual swings.

Normally, Jinyoung would be the one to initiate any conversation if there was going to be one. That Wednesday was different because Mark spoke first. He had stuttered and pronounced the words very very slowly. He was careful in how he said the words, not with what he said.

"Jinyoung, are you dating someone? Someone that is Jackson?"

Jinyoung froze his ice cream just in front of his mouth. He whipped his head to look at Mark who was still eating his ice cream and looking at the blue sky above them. How did he know? Wasn’t he already meant to know? Didn’t Jackson tell Mark?

“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me. I just noticed something between you and him. Besides, he hasn’t told me anything.” Mark stayed facing forward, bending his knees so he swung slowly. “If you are, well, I want to say that I fully support you guys and will do my best to look after you two. You work really well together, it’s like you’re made for each other. Soulmates, kind of.”

Jinyoung decided then that he would die for Mark. No questions asked and no reasons given.

Jinyoung stood up from his swing and walked over to Mark. He squeezed his way in between the American's legs and hugged the older tight. He whispered gently, "Thank you so much."

“So, you guys are dating.” Mark hugged Jinyoung tight, letting the younger sit on his thigh as he continued to softly swing them. “I told Jackson I would figure it out. He owes me dinner.”

Jinyoung chuckled softly before saying, “I thought you already knew. Thank you, hyung, for being you.”

Mark chuckled, patting the younger’s back like he was a child. He didn't say anything more. Instead, he bent his knees to rock the swing. Jinyoung stayed hugging him and Mark let him until they had to go back to the building.

•••

It was Jackson's 20th birthday and their first year anniversary. Jinyoung was shitting himself nervously. He remembered the brief _debate_ that had ensued as the couple had to decide when exactly was their anniversary. When they first kissed on Jackson's birthday or when they officially decided to date that June. In the end - with help from Jaebeom and Mark - they decided on the first date, the 28th of March.

Now, however, Jinyoung was worried that he hadn't chosen a good enough gift. Or that Jackson didn't really remember since it was his birthday. Which would mean that the older would be more busy getting birthday wishes from his friends all over the world (a _slight_ exaggeration) and that would mean that he wouldn't remember their anniversary and Jinyoung would be the fool.

Why did Jinyoung decide to date Jackson? When he was an absolute idiot when it came to conveying feelings?

"Jinyoungie!"

Jinyoung paused his pacing that he was doing in the small space between his and Jaebeom's bunk beds and their wardrobes. He turned to look at his now opened door that had Jackson standing in the frame. The older had his hands behind his back and he was rocking on the balls of his feet. Jinyoung frowned at Jackson, curious as to why the fellow trainee hadn't jumped to hug him like always.

"Anything for me?" Jackson asked slyly, turning his head to the side so his cheek was facing the younger.

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. Of course, Jackson wasn't even ashamed to ask for birthday kisses. Jinyoung let out an amused huff of air before he walked over to Jackson. The birthday boy was practically gleaming as Jinyoung settled his hands on his shoulders. The younger carefully leaned forward to plant his lips in the centre of Jackson's round cheek. He let his lips linger for a few seconds before pulling away to say happy birthday. He whispered the words gently against Jackson's cheek before pecking the soft skin quickly once more.

He planned to pull away, go back to his furious worrying and to get the gift out for Jackson. Only, Jackson wrapped his arms around Jinyoung's waist and pulled him close to rest their foreheads against each other.

"You forgot to say happy anniversary," Jackson whispered with his stupid cheeky grin still there.

"Did I?" Jinyoung teased as his own cheeky fond smile made its way on his face.

"Yep." Jackson popped the P. He pushed his face even more forward, making their noses touch in a small Eskimo kiss.

"Well, then, let me say it now." Jinyoung watched how Jackson's eyes softened slightly like melted chocolate and Jinyoung knew he could get lost in them forever. Which he wanted to do. Jinyoung smiled softly and in an almost shy way. "Happy an-"

Jackson cut him off by placing his lips over Jinyoung's parted ones. He pushed his slightly chapped lips against Jinyoung's soft ones. Jinyoung immediately pushed back, slotting their lips together in a short dance that they had perfected.

Jackson nudged at Jinyoung to walk backwards, into the room so they could close the door behind them. Jinyoung hooked his arms over Jackson's shoulders to pull the older close to him. He was leaning against the small space of wall between the wardrobes and the door. Jackson was pushing up against Jinyoung, his hands automatically falling from the younger's waist to slither into his pants and grab his ass. The kiss was still soft even if it had deepened as their tongues caressed one another. They broke apart with their foreheads touching as they panted softly. Their grins mirrored each other and Jackson couldn't help himself from placing small kisses all over Jinyoung's face, making the younger giggle.

"Happy anniversary, babe."

"Happy anniversary, _Sseunie_." Jinyoung rarely called Jackson by the private nickname. He often stuck to it in moments where he would be coming in Jackson's hand or mouth. But the grin that made its way on Jackson's face was worth it.

A knock interrupted their chance of their mouths having a second reunion.

Jackson let out a muffled groan of annoyance, burying his head into the crook of Jinyoung's neck. His hands squeezed Jinyoung's cheeks to prompt the younger to reply. Jinyoung cleared his voice as he absentmindedly stroked Jackson's nape.

"Who is it?"

"Jaebeom. Just let me in for two seconds, okay?"

Jinyoung rolled his eyes but tapped Jackson to release him. Jackson pecked his neck before climbing the small ladder to Jinyoung's top bunk. Jinyoung paid no attention to the older who began to rearrange the pillows for his own comfort.

"Hyung, what do you need?" Jinyoung finally opened the door to a surprisingly patient Jaebeom.

"I forgot my book." The older immediately went to the small, overflowing bookcase the two had stuffed in the corner of their room. "I know you guys are kicking me out for the night so I'll be out here soon. Then, you guys can hump each other until the morning, okay. Just remember, nothing visible." His last words were directed towards Jackson who held up his hands innocently. Though, the massive hickie after Jinyoung's birthday _celebration_ that had Jaebeom watching YouTube videos to help the younger cover it was far from innocent.

"Hyung, please just go," Jinyoung let out in an embarrassing whine.

"You guys are lucky Mark doesn't mind me listening to his private conversations with his parents while I bunk with him."

"That's 'cause you don't understand English." Jinyoung was close to physically pushing the older out. He wanted to be alone with Jackson so he could awkwardly give his gift. With no other witnesses that Jackson. Which was already embarrassing enough.

"Hey, I understand it enough, okay." Jaebeom paused, turning around to direct his conversation at Jackson. The Chinese man was watching amused as Jaebeom asked in English, "My English is okay?"

"Sure, Jaebeom, it's okay," Jackson replied in English and a cheeky grin that had Jaebeom's chin tensing up.

Just as the older opened his mouth to protest, Jinyoung cut him off. "Hyung, you've got your book. You can go."

He glared at Jackson and indicated slitting someone's throat before he left. Jinyoung locked the door and let out a tense sigh. Why was his life so stressful? He was only 19, for god's sake.

"Babe, I want birthday cuddles."

Right, Jackson. Birthday gift. Anniversary gift. Jinyoung could feel his anxiety drown him as he remembered the gift stuffed in the crack between his bed and the wall, right by the pillows. Oh my god, the pillows! Jackson was rearranging them. What if he found the gift before Jinyoung could give it? What if he had already opened it and didn't like it? What if he was going to pretend to like when Jinyoung gave it to him? What if-?

"Jinyoungie, are you okay?"

Jinyoung blinked at Jackson's voice. He had been staring at the door while his mind ran away with his confidence. But he didn't have the time to chase after that, he had to go give his boyfriend birthday cuddles.

Jinyoung mustered up a small smile as he turned around, looking up at Jackson who was already looking down at him. "I'm fine, just caught up thinking for a minute."

Jackson squinted his eyes at the younger as if he was trying to decide whether or not to push the topic. Or he could just be struggling to see Jinyoung since he wasn't wearing his glasses. Jinyoung was going to go with the second option.

The younger went up to his ladder and climbed it carefully. When he was nearing the top and could crawl on his bed, Jackson's arms came up to wrap around his middle. He blinked unexpectedly due to Jackson's actions.

"You mean a lot to me," Jackson said as he looked up through his eyelashes, his arms tightening around Jinyoung slightly.

Jinyoung's heart melted. There he had the best man alive kneeling before him in his bed, wearing scruffy sweatpants and a loose tank top with his dark hair messily falling in front of his eyes. His eyes were shining with adoration, awe and something so pure that Jinyoung swore that even the richest person couldn't buy that. The wide eyes matched the relaxed but sincere expression he wore. Jackson Wang was saying that Jinyoung meant a lot to him when Jinyoung was sure he would trade every star in the galaxy if it meant one last moment with this man.

Jinyoung wore a silly smile filled with all the things Jackson made him feel. He moved his hands from the ladder (he was sure Jackson was holding him strong enough to not let him fall) and cupped the older's face. He had the most precious treasure in his hands and he was going to treat Jackson the way he deserved. He pursed his lips, leaning to kiss Jackson's forehead softly. The older closed his eyes, a sweet smile on his mouth. Jinyoung kissed Jackson's nose, cheeks, eyelids, temples and every other part of his face.

Jinyoung retreated, lost in the beauty that was Jackson. He stroked the older's cheeks with his thumbs, whispering softly. "Beautiful."

"Why, thank you."

Jinyoung flicked the older's forehead gently before climbing over him to settle on his bed. He leaned against the pillows that Jackson had rearranged to create a cosy corner between the walls. He stretched, acting like it was just a simple movement when really he was trying to check to see if his gift was still hidden. It was, thankfully.

"Ow." Jackson pouted before he crawled over to Jinyoung. He straddled the younger, grabbing Jinyoung's ear teasingly. "And to think I was going to give you your gift."

Jinyoung loved getting gifts. He admired the thoughts that were behind it and he just loved being spoiled to death. Jackson, of course, knew this. He also knew how whipped Jinyoung is for him. The younger pouted since he wanted to his gift.

"Nope, that pout won't work." Jackson twisted his ear just to further tease the younger.

"Jackson," Jinyoung whined. He grabbed the front of Jackson's black shirt. He pulled the Chinese man close so that their faces were centimetres apart. Jinyoung gave a quick Eskimo kiss before pecking his forehead. "There. Does it still hurt?"

Jackson squinted in faux thought. "My lips hurt." He pressed his lips together in another pout while sticking them out.

Jinyoung sighed exaggeratingly as he grabbed the older's face. He cupped Jackson's face again before leaning in to give a small kiss. The kiss was short and once they had pulled away, Jinyoung squashed the other's cheeks so Jackson's lips stayed out in a cute pout. Jinyoung demanded teasingly, "I want my gift now."

"Yes, sir." Jackson winked and tried to smirk in hopes of being sexy. But with his face squished, he looked very cute instead. Jinyoung let out a loud laugh, letting go of Jackson's face to cover his laugh. Jackson merely smiled at him before turning around to grab something from the other end of the bed.

Jinyoung's laughter died down as Jackson turned to face with a small gift wrapped in paper that had love hearts. Jackson was so cringingly soft that it was cute.

"Please don't make fun of it. Mark and BamBam helped me with the idea and Jaebeommie hyung helped me after. And you're not allowed to use it when I'm with you. Or near you. In fact, only use if we're away from each other, okay?" Jackson was seldom as he told Jinyoung.

The younger nodded before reaching out for the gift. Jackson hesitated before handing it over. He grabbed a pillow and hugged it to his chest, keeping it close to his face so he could hide behind it.

Jinyoung ruffled Jackson's hair as his behaviour. His boyfriend was very cute.

Jinyoung focused on the gift. It was light, a small box that had Jinyoung wondering what he could be. He opened it up carefully so it would easy to collect the paper and recycle it later. He opened the box, very aware of Jackson's heavy gaze. Jinyoung pulled out an iPod which confused him since he already had one. Before he even looked at Jackson, the older told him what to do.

"Unlock it."

Jinyoung followed Jackson's direction and found a few racing games on the home screen alongside some reading apps and the music app. He clicked a reading app and found it filled with his favourite books. Jinyoung looked up at Jackson, his heart running at the shy and embarrassed look the older wore. Jinyoung smiled warmly before going into the music app. He was expecting to find some of his favourite albums on there. What he found instead was so much better. He hadn't heard of some of these songs before and they looked to be in English. After the songs, there were some audio books of a few books. He hadn't known that those books had an audible version.

"Jackson, how did you get these audio books? And these songs? They're Western ones?" Jinyoung felt touched that Jackson had got him a whole new iPod filled with everything he needed.

"Um, yeah, I, um, kind of covered the songs and read the books and then recorded them for you." He hid his face in the pillow before letting out a scream.

Jinyoung's eyes widened. He had songs filled with Jackson's voice? His deep, husky voice? The voice that sent pleasurable chills down his spine? His boyfriend gave him an iPod filled with love songs that he sang? Fuck, Jinyoung thought he was in a dream because there's no way Jackson could actually exist.

"So, that's what all those extra vocal lessons were about with hyung? And why my books went missing? You recorded everything?" Jinyoung was going to die if Jackson gave him another cute smile.

The older nodded, head still buried in the pillow.

Jinyoung clicked on the first song that he didn't recognise, _I Swear_. The first few chords were played and just as the verse started, Jackson threw his pillow aside and sped-crawled to Jinyoung.

"I said play when we're apart! We're not apart!" Jackson complained, trying to grab the device off Jinyoung.

"Let me listen!" Jinyoung held the device out of Jackson's reach.

The older crawled into Jinyoung's lap again, reaching up to grab Jinyoung's outstretched hand. Jinyoung squirmed under him, trying to flip the older onto his back so he couldn't get the iPod. He succeeded and Jinyoung turned off the music anyway.

"I love it. Thank you so much. It's perfect." Jinyoung was truly speechless at how much this gift was amazing. He leaned down to kiss Jackson, trying to tell him without words. He touched Jackson's lips softly and passionately. Jackson deepened the kiss, his tongue swiping across Jinyoung's bottom lip. The younger opened his mouth and their tongues danced together. Jackson held Jinyoung close, hands on the younger's back had him melting into Jackson's chest. The kiss wasn't hurried. It was slow, more about saying _thank you_ without words.

Jackson pulled away first. He made to sit up and Jinyoung helped him while resettling on Jackson so he was straddling him. Jackson rested his hands on Jinyoung's hips while Jinyoung fiddled with his new iPod, before placing it on the small basket he had hanging off the side of his bunk.

"My turn." Jackson reminded Jinyoung.

Jinyoung thought back to his gift. It was total shit compared to what Jackson got him. He really managed to mess up this time.

"You can't open it in front of me." Jinyoung began his bargaining. "And you can never mention it to me. Ever."

"Jinyoungie, don't be shy about it. I'm sure I'm not going to stop talking about how great it is."

"It's rubbish compared to what you got me." Jinyoung couldn't help the little pout that appeared on his face.

"Listen here, I am going to love regardless of what it is. If you gave me an old hat of yours, I'm going to treasure it forever, okay?" Jackson squeezed Jinyoung's hips as if to physically say that he wouldn't mind anything Jinyoung gave him.

Jinyoung bit the inside of his lips before he reached to grab the gift. It was bigger than the one Jackson gave him. Jackson's eyes lit up with glee and immediately reached out for it. Jinyoung handed it to him and then proceeded to hide behind his hands.

He listened out for Jackson's reaction. When he heard a shocked gasp, he let out a small embarrassed whine.

"Jinyoung, did you really-?" Jackson cut off his words to pull Jinyoung's hands away from his face so he could look into the younger's eyes.

Jinyoung wanted to scream at the level of embarrassment he felt.

"Never call this rubbish again." Jackson's voice was stern but dripping in amazement. "You don't give someone a songbook half filled with songs and a Squirtle plushie and call it rubbish."

"It's only half filled so you could write some of your own songs," Jinyoung mumbled shyly as he purposely only wrote half a song or a few verses or an acrostic poem on every couple of pages to act as inspiration for Jackson.

"You are amazing," Jackson gasped in awe. He grabbed Jinyoung's neck so he could smash their mouths together. Jackson actions were harsher than his lips. He took his time to thank Jinyoung, slowly caressing the younger's mouth as he seemed to want to savour the taste of Jinyoung.

Jinyoung hummed against his mouth, pulling away to speak. "That's your birthday gift. I've got to give your anniversary gift."

"I get more than this?" Jackson touched Jinyoung's forehead with his lips, mumbling against it. "I really am so lucky."

Jinyoung squished Jackson's cheeks to make his lips stick out. He planted a quick kiss before speaking. "You're so cute."

With that, he climbed off Jackson and down the ladder. This second gift was the one Jinyoung was more worried about. It was a bit more sentimental and Jinyoung hoped that Jackson wouldn't make fun of him when Jinyoung explained it. The second gift was hidden in Jaebeom's clothes since Jackson loved to leave notes randomly with Jinyoung's clothes and this was the only other place that he wouldn't look. He quickly searched through it, finding the wrapped gift in seconds.

"You know, I was looking through your clothes the other day trying to find some sort of hint as to what my gift was."

Jinyoung tutted as he turned away to climb the ladder again. "You're actually a nuisance."

"I wanted to know," Jackson shrugged as he helped Jinyoung back into his lap.

"Didn't anyone teach you patience?"

"What's that?" Jackson grinned cheekily and Jinyoung had to refrain from hitting him with his own gift.

"Open it." Jinyoung handed over the present. This time he watched Jackson's face, needing a reaction.

Jackson gave him a confused one. The older held the body wash in one hand and cologne in the other. He looked up at Jinyoung. "I haven't used either of these in months."

Jinyoung knew that. Jackson had changed his warm smell from burnt wood, lemons and _Jackson_ to a strong mix of leather, ginger and peppermint that hid that distinct _Jackson_ more. Jinyoung actually missed the original smell. It was softer and lighter for his nose. It reminded Jinyoung of his first kiss, their first kiss. He missed it. He missed the simple, less layered scents of Jackson. Now, he had to tell Jackson exactly that and hope the older wouldn't laugh.

"I know. I prefer these on you though. You know, those scents mixed together is what you smelled like -"

"When we first kissed." Jackson finished for him. Jackson was looking at Jinyoung like he was the world. Like Jinyoung was the hidden treasure that everyone had been searching for but only Jackson had found him. Like Jinyoung was a dream and that all of this was just a fantasy in his head that he knew he wanted to be real forever. Like Jinyoung was the only thing in the world that could shock him in the best way. Like Jinyoung was his oxygen.

Jinyoung nodded in agreement, torn between hiding away from all these vulnerable emotions or grabbing Jackson's hands and running head first into the mess that always came with emotions. Jackson decided for him which way to go. The older dropped the gifts to the side before jumping up to kiss Jinyoung. He pushed Jinyoung backwards, causing himself to kneel between Jinyoung's legs.

The kiss was passionately and needy. Jackson touched Jinyoung like the younger would disappear any second. His thick hands left small fires on every silver on skin. Jinyoung's own hands immediately slid under Jackson's top, seeking those hard muscles. Tops were discarded and trousers went until the two rolled against each other in their boxers.

It wasn't long before Jackson started to slither down towards Jinyoung's groin. He kissed and bit every millimetre of the younger's skin on his journey. Open-mouthed kisses and heavy breaths made Jinyoung moan though it was muffled in case anyone in the small trainee dorm heard. Jinyoung's hips bucked up the second he felt Jackson stretch his mouth over the wet spot on his boxers. Jackson was kissing every bit of Jinyoung's throbbing erection as he slid the boxers down. He licked and nipped Jinyoung's balls, hands holding onto the younger's hips to stop his movements. Jinyoung was panting, his body shivering with pleasure as Jackson sucked on his tip and swallowed every bit of precome.

Jackson took him into his mouth slowly, stopping every other second to swirl his tongue around what was already in his mouth. He bobbed his head back before he went deeper. Jinyoung was practically close to screaming - other trainees be damned - when he hit the back of Jackson's throat and the older _moaned_ around him. He cradled Jackson's head flushed to his groin and Jackson held his thighs tightly as he sucked Jinyoung.

Jinyoung felt himself nearing his climax so he tugged on Jackson's hair to warn him since Jinyoung couldn't bring himself to say words. Jackson only hummed, taking Jinyoung deeper than ever and the younger moaned feverishly.

" _Sseunie_ ," He cried before coming hot and fast down Jackson's throat. Jackson milked him dry, swallowing and sucking everything down.

Jackson slowly released Jinyoung from his mouth. He let the Korean man recover from his climax as Jackson left small kisses and bites on his thighs. Jinyoung pulled Jackson up, immediately pushing the older to lie down as he climbed atop him. Jinyoung kissed Jackson's neck, knowing where the older was sensitive and licking there. He made his way slowly down to the older's nipples, sucking and rolling each one before he made his own way down. Jinyoung kissed Jackson's happy trail before he reached the band of Jackson's boxers. He shimmed them down and Jackson let out a shallow gasp as his dick was freed. Jinyoung wasted no time as he sucked lightly at each one of Jackson's balls while moving a hand up and down his thick length.

Jackson was groaning, his hands gripping Jinyoung's hair messily. Jinyoung kissed his way up to Jackson's crown. He licked the tip, looking up through his lashes to see Jackson panting with his mouth open, eyes already fixated on Jinyoung. Jinyoung held eye contact as he slowly swallowed all of Jackson in one go. Jackson's head lolled back, his back arched and his hands pushed at Jinyoung's head to be nearer, closer. Jinyoung pressed his tongue against the throbbing vein on the underside of Jackson's length. His nose was pushed against the trimmed mess of Jackson's pubic bone. His eyes were closed in the pleasure of Jackson down his throat. He moaned as he felt Jackson squirt some precome, the warm liquid rolling down his throat. He swallowed, loving how his throat tightened against Jackson and how the older moaned. Jinyoung moved his head up and down, aiming to bring Jackson to his climax.

Jinyoung started to fondle with Jackson's balls, his hands massaging each one as his mouth worked wonders. Jackson was cursing in English and muttering in Cantonese, his hands holding Jinyoung's head softly yet firmly. Soon after, Jackson was coming fast down Jinyoung's throat. He swallowed it all, moaning at the salty taste and the feeling. Once Jinyoung was sure that Jackson had been thoroughly milked, he pulled off with a pop.

Jackson pulled him up and Jinyoung laid flat on Jackson's body. They shared a kiss. One filled with everything they had found together in the past. One filled with everything they hoped to find together in the future. One that marked them to each other in a way no one else could even try to match.

 


	2. part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part 2 follows jinson from debut to fly's first win
> 
> message on twitter @/prdssuga and enjoy!

**•PART TWO•**

 

 

Jinyoung was put into a group that would debut in the new year, in three weeks. Jaebeom was the leader of the group. Mark, Jackson and BamBam were the rap line. Jinyoung was a part of the vocal line with Jaebeom, Yugyeom and a new trainee Choi Youngjae. The seven were moved into a new dorm and Jinyoung dragged Jackson to grocery shop, stating that they needed a feast in the new dorm together. The others let them go, claiming they'd rather unpack first. Jackson had Mark who would unpack some of his things for him. Jinyoung had his own room, albeit inside the maknaes' room, which meant he could unpack at his own pace. He just hoped that he wouldn't end up playing referee for the youngest two.

The couple entered the store and Jinyoung immediately pulled out the list he had in his back pocket. Jackson grabbed a cart and the two began to shop.

"Do you think we should tell the maknaes?" Jinyoung asked Jackson as he piled up the milk, specifically chocolate, in the cart.

"I mean, it might be wise too. 'Cause then they can help us stay cautious like Mark and Jaebeom hyung. Plus, we’re all going to be a team for the next seven years or so. We’re going to be close and we can’t hide it from them forever." Jackson picked up the large bag of rice and placed it in the cart.

"That's what I was thinking too," Jinyoung hummed as he crossed  _ rice  _ off his list. Jinyoung walked ahead, trying to find the apple juice section.

"Plus, I think BamBam already knows," Jackson whispered carefully from behind Jinyoung.

Jinyoung turned around, stopping in the middle of the aisle. He narrowed his eyes at Jackson who seemed to be trying to hide behind the cart. Jinyoung immediately knew the older had told BamBam. "You told him. When?"

"I didn't  _ mean _ to tell him," Jackson immediately defended himself. He moved forward with the cart and swung an arm around the Korean's shoulders. He stood beside Jinyoung, pulling the younger closer into his side. "He was chatting about how he wants me to go on a double date with him and I was like, I can't and he asked why and I couldn't lie to him."

"So, you immediately said you're dating me?" Jinyoung looked around, making sure that no one was paying any particular attention to them. They were alone in the aisle but you could never be too sure.

"Well, I said, I'm dating someone and he guessed you and  _ then _ I said I'm dating you," Jackson clarified and Jinyoung knew the older wanted to hug him right now as he told his story. The older liked holding Jinyoung when he talked about the sensitive topic of people knowing about them. It made Jinyoung feel comforted and he knew it anchored Jackson when all they could think of was the uncertainty of their future. They were both clingy and needed that small bit of extra attention to reassure them that they were going to be okay.

Jinyoung only hummed in response to Jackson. He didn’t really care that much about how BamBam found it - he’s pretty sure that Youngjae has been eyeing the couple weirdly to gather some thoughts anyway. His main thought was to clarify to everyone in the group that although they were together, it was not going to affect their professionalism. He wanted to be sure that the two would act like nothing more than friends on camera and in front of staff. If the members wished they acted like that in front of them, then Jinyoung would do so. His relationship wasn't going to interfere with his or Jackson's dreams and it certainly wasn't going to interfere with someone else's. 

“We should tell them all tonight,” Jinyoung decided as they started to walk down the aisle again. They were nearing the apple juice section.

“Yeah, we should.” Jackson nodded in agreement, letting Jinyoung move from under his arm to grab two cartons. “Maybe over dinner? You know, feed them so they can’t hate us.”

“They’re not going to hate us.” Jinyoung placed the cartons in the cart and started to walk towards the fruit.

“We’re assuming that they don’t hold a  _ rigid _ view.”

“Jackson, they are not going to hurt us. Anything that anyone of us does impacts all of us. None of us are stupid to risk our own career just because of a stupider prejudice that they hold." Jinyoung was frowning, he knew it.

He also knew that Jackson was nervous to be in the group and be openly out. Most of all, Jinyoung knew Jackson was worried about debuting. Jackson had been practising more, especially his rapping since he had spent a year being a vocalist trainee. The older was worried that he was going to forget something, a lyric, a dance move, his Korean. He seemed to have a lot of pent up nervous energy and Jinyoung was trying to help get rid of it. Mostly he would make up choreographies with the older, just focusing on dancing and using their energy. They had made a few good ones and it seemed to work as Jackson had been less fidgety.

Jinyoung let out a sigh as he stared at the oranges. Maybe Jackson just needed to focus on something else than dancing or singing or rapping. Maybe he could help Jinyoung cook a basic meal or maybe he could -

"Jinyoung, the oranges are just oranges. Stop staring at them so much," Jackson chuckled as he leaned his elbows on the handrail and pushed the cart forward.

"Sorry," Jinyoung let out sheepishly before picking up a bag.

Jackson grabbed Jinyoung's hand on its way out of the cart and squeezed it reassuringly. "Don't overthink, your negativity will eat you like that."

Jinyoung stared at Jackson's eyes that were filled with everything that screamed home to Jinyoung. In the dark orbs that had slight crinkles at the sides, Jinyoung could find everything he was looking and everything he didn't know he needed. Jackson's eyes told him that things will work out. This would be Jinyoung's last debut. He would be an idol this time. He would find a family amongst the members instead of just a close friendship. He would still have Jackson by his side.

Jackson broke the intense staring by saying, "I wish I could kiss you right now because you're doing that cute pout."

Jinyoung let out a loud laugh at that and he could feel Jackson's eyes on him. Once he regained himself, Jinyoung decided to continue shopping. "Do you think we should get something foreign for Mark hyung and BamBam? And maybe I could get seafood for Youngjae?"

"Urgh, no seafood, please," Jackson groaned as Jinyoung bagged the apples.

"Youngjae and Jaebeom hyung like it though. You don't have to eat it." They moved on from the fruit, heading to the ramen section.

"But then what do I eat?" Jackson complained before he muttered lowly. "Aside from you."

"Jackson, you can't say stuff like in public," Jinyoung frowned and continue to shop without glancing at Jackson. He picked up what seemed like 20 packets and moved on to the international aisle.

"What? Am I meant to not love my boyfriend at any point now?"

Jackson sounded annoyed but, really, that was the best idea. It would help them minimise their chances of being caught and creating a scandal.

"I mean, we could do that," Jinyoung spoke carefully, eyeing the box of  _ pop tarts _ longer than he needed to.

"What? You want us to not be dating?"

"No, not like that. Just when we're on schedules and stuff, just minimise interactions between us."

They were done with shopping, after picking up some Thai fruit. They were walking to the till and Jinyoung still couldn't find it in himself to directly say the words he needed to.

Jackson sighed heavily. "So, how do we do that? I stick to the other members more than you? For what reason?"

"We're going to need to be very careful. There'll be behind the scenes videos and things like that. Any time there's a camera or staff, we've got to be careful," Jinyoung told Jackson as they stood in the queue to the till.

Jackson was leaning against the cart, watching Jinyoung. Jinyoung made full eye contact, knowing the older would see everything he wasn't saying in his eyes. Jackson didn't say anything, didn't smile. He just nodded and turned around to push the cart forward when the person in front moved.

They were silent as they packed the groceries and paid. Jinyoung kept glancing over at Jackson, trying to guess his reaction as they walked down the streets with their arms filled with bags.

"Stop looking at me," Jackson warned as they reached their building. They walked in and went straight to the elevator.

"Why?" Jinyoung shifted the bags before placing them on the floor of the elevator. He flexed his fingers slightly, quietly cursing out the members for being fat pigs who eat so much.

"Because it's weird. You're doing it because you think you need to monitor my reaction. You don't. I'm just trying to think about things."

"Trying to think?" Jinyoung teased lightly. He knew Jackson could see what he was trying to do but he couldn't help it.

"Yes, it's very hard for me. I start in Korean, then English, might wander off into French for a minute and then it's Mandarin -" 

"Okay, I get it, Mister Languages," Jinyoung huffed out as he rolled his eyes with a soft smile.

Jackson stepped closer to Jinyoung, placing his two forefingers under the younger's chin. He lifted the younger's head up slightly, turning it to face his own directly. Jinyoung struggled not to bite his lip out of nervousness but he kept his eyes on Jackson's, watching the honest and serious galaxies shine.

"If you think it's better that we act like friends only, then we'll do that," Jackson spoke clear and firm. "I know why you want to do it and I agree with you. It's probably safer. Just don't act too cold to me?" Jackson ended with a small cheeky smile as he used his fingers to bring Jinyoung's face close to his. "Promise me that?"

Jinyoung nodded albeit strangely with Jackson's fingers under his chin. He could do that. He could act as friends with Jackson and not be too cold. But what did being too cold mean?

"Good." Jackson sealed their agreement with a soft, chaste kiss before the elevator pinged open and they went to their dorm.

They traipsed the short distance to their dorm with the bags weighing on them. Jackson unlocked the door and walked in after Jinyoung. They headed straight to the kitchen and placed the bags on the table.

"Right, I'll call one of the kids to come and help put these away. After, we can -" Jinyoung was cut off by his phone ringing. He groaned in annoyance. "I swear if it's Jaebeom hyung calling me to get him something, I am going to murder him."

Jinyoung pulled out his phone and saw it was his mum calling, probably to ask if he got the latest box of kimchi - which he did and Mark had somehow eaten most of it by himself.

"Who is it?" Jackson appeared behind Jinyoung, his hands on his hips as he peered at the phone. "Ooh, your mum loves me."

Jackson plucked the phone out of his hands. He kissed Jinyoung's cheek, claiming he'll be back after the call but he greeted the phone with an " _ Eomma _ , let me tell you about my day" and Jinyoung knew Jackson was gone.

Jinyoung knew he was alone in the kitchen now. He let out a big sigh as he started to put away the groceries, leaving out what he would use for dinner. He decided to make a dish his grandmother used back a lot and that he loved.

Jinyoung was left to ponder what  _ too cold _ meant as he stirred the spam. Did  _ too cold _ mean Jinyoung acting like they didn't get along at all? Jinyoung could never do that. He couldn't hang out with Jackson all the time but he could honestly show how Jackson was his best friend (second to Jaebeom, of course). He could be just as close to Jackson as he was Jaebeom, right? But Jinyoung knew that when both he or Jackson got a simple touch, they always wanted more. They had to be careful.

With a heavy sigh, he added some dried seaweed leave crumbs to the rice and proceeded to set the table. He tried not to think as he placed seven mats, plates, cutlery and cups out since he knew his thoughts would eventually drown him.

He placed the pots in the centre of the table and was ready to call for the six children who couldn't be bothered to help. Jaebeom walked into the kitchen just as Jinyoung started to yell.

"They're not going to hear. Youngjae just woke up, Mark hyung is watching some video and the two maknaes are arguing about some girl group."

"Jackson?"

"On the phone." Jaebeom took his seat and immediately starting to scoop his serving.

"No food unless you get them all in here now. I made this for us to enjoy as a group and that's how we're going to eat." Jinyoung snatched the ladle back off Jaebeom and stuck it back in the bowl neatly. He hardly paid any attention to Jaebeom's pout as he straightened up the plates and chopsticks one last time.

He heard Jaebeom grumble under his breath but still leave to gather the others. Within a few seconds, Jinyoung could hear the loud boys entering his kitchen.

"Hyung, can you please tell Yugyeom that Wonder Girls is way better than Sistar?" BamBam asked exasperated as he tugged at Jinyoung's sleeve.

"Hey, I didn't say that Wonder Girls  _ weren't _ good!" Yugyeom whined, stomping his foot in the process which earned him a dark glare from Jinyoung.

"Everyone sit down so I can eat," Jaebeom told them, pulling Youngjae into a seat as the sleepy boy yawned.

"What's for dinner?" Mark took his seat and immediately reached for the ladle.

Jinyoung smacked his hand away. "Wait a minute. Jackson and I have something to tell you all."

Jackson, who had been fiddling with both his and Jinyoung's phones, looked up and blinked unexpectedly. His wide eyes scanned the rest of the boys who were looking at him patiently. Jackson found Jinyoung's eyes and asked in a rushed voice. "What? Now?"

"When else?"

"After our dinner. In time for dessert. We could have put it on a cake."

"Put what on a cake?" Yugyeom asked just in time for Jinyoung's sanity to be pulled back.

"Jackson, can you come here?" Jinyoung gestured for the older to stand beside rather sit in his seat.

"Do I have to?" The rapper pouted as he whined, making Mark snort at his behaviour.

"Yes," Jinyoung snapped, narrowing his eyes threateningly. Jackson grumbled but still stood up, pocketing the two phones as he dragged his feet to stand next to Jinyoung.

"Jinyoung hyung has you on a leash," Youngjae commented as he leaned forward and rested his head on his palm, obviously interested.

Bambam made a  _ whip _ sound as he imitated pulling out a whip. The rest of the boys at the table laughed at this and Yugyeom even teared up.

"Can you guys focus!?" Jinyoung clapped his hands at the five of them and he willed himself to have the patience to deal with them.

"Should we just say it?" Jackson asked under his breath as everyone sobered up from the giggles.

"I guess so," Jinyoung shrugged, having not really thought about how the couple would tell them.

"Right, we're ready." Jaebeom nodded at the couple and Jinyoung saw his brother's eyes say that he would have his back regardless and always.

Jackson took a deep breath. "Okay, well, you see, there's this thing called love. Many people feel it and it's a pure thing, quite unique. If you believe in theories, then you could say that we all have our own soulmates out there in the world and we're going to spend our lives with them. And the best part about love is that everyone feels it differently."

Where was Jackson going with this? Jinyoung wanted to groan at Jackson's monologue.

"And because everyone feels it differently, love doesn't work the same for everyone. What I love is going to be different from Mark hyung. It doesn't have to be but it can be."

Jinyoung didn't know why Jackson was easing his way into it big speech. Wouldn't it just be better to just say it? They say it's less painful to rip the bandaid off fast.

"Sseun-ah," Jinyoung began, his tone soft as he worried about how Jackson was handling it. He reached out, finding Jackson's hand instantly and slightly relaxing when Jackson squeezed his hand back.

"I've got this," His boyfriend told him. Jackson straightened up, looking directly at all five members. "What I love or rather  _ who  _ I love is Jinyoung and he loves me and we're dating. Have been for a year and 9 months. We just thought we should tell you guys."

Jinyoung took over and his thumb stroked the soft inside of Jackson's wrist. "We wanted you guys to know that although we're dating, we don't want it to affect anything or anyone. It won't affect us in front cameras or staff and we'll act professionally. If you don't want to see us together, we'll understand."

At this point, both boys were squeezing the blood supply out of the other's hands as they nervously awaited a reaction. Sure, Mark, Jaebeom and BamBam knew prior and seemed okay with them but maybe they felt differently now that they were a band. Jinyoung practically burned to hug Jackson right now.

Youngjae slapped a hand on the table. "See! I told you that they were dating!" He pointed at BamBam. "That's 10,000 won you owe me!"

"Wait, you guys have been dating since JJ Project? Since Bounce?" Yugyeom asked as he gaped at his hyungs.

"Actually, they've been dating since Jackson's 19th birthday," Mark informed their maknae who only jaw dropped more.

"I'm glad you guys decided to share and I think you can gather that none of us really care that you're dating. We all just want you two happy and we'll help you guys if you need it." Jaebeom stood up to give the couple a hug.

Jinyoung melted into the hug within seconds with Jackson close behind. He felt Jaebeom chuckle and give a soft kiss on both younger boys' temple.

"Wait!" Jinyoung heard Yugyeom whined before a fourth person was added to their hug.

Mark laughed but joined, ruffling Jinyoung's hair and flicking Jackson's cap off. 

Youngjae quickly stood up and spoke softly as he tentatively hugged the others. "I haven't known you guys long but you've all made me feel so welcomed. I'm happy to be debuting with you guys and I'm glad that Jackson hyung and Jinyoung hyung can make each other happy."

Jinyoung felt himself melt at Youngjae's words and he reached for the younger. This kid was going to be the most precious, most deserving singer ever.

"You guys already know I  _ emotion _ you so do I have to join  _ that  _ or can we eat?" BamBam asked and Jinyoung rolled his eyes at his pretence lack of emotions.

"Listen here, Bam, you join this hug or I won't let you tag along to my next trip to meet Namjoon," Jackson threatened him, knowing how much BamBam looked up to Namjoon's fellow bandmate Yoongi.

"Did I say no to hugging and loving you guys for the rest of my life? I couldn't have." BamBam scurried to join the hug.

Jinyoung could sense the smile on Jackson's face like the one on his own face. They broke apart after a few minutes as hunger overtook them. They sat back down, eager to eat and Jinyoung took the seat next to Jackson, loving how they held hands under the table.

Once dinner was done and the maknae line was left to tidy up after losing rock paper scissors, Jinyoung and Jackson retreated to the vocalist's room. Jackson shut the door behind him before he sat on Jinyoung's bean bag by his half-filled bookshelf. He reached out for Jinyoung, pouting with wide arms until Jinyoung pulled himself away from unpacking to be between his boyfriend's legs. Jackson immediately held Jinyoung close and rested his head in Jinyoung's neck. Jinyoung stroked his nape and tilted his own head to rest on Jackson's.

"You okay?" He asked softly, wondering how Jackson felt after all that happened and his earlier worries.

"They still like us and they don't care about our sexualities. Youngjae even betted on us."

"They're pretty cool people."

"But not as cool as you, Nyoungie."

"Oh my god," Jinyoung groaned, pulling away from the hug to glare at Jackson. "Please stop with that nickname."

"Eomma loves it. She said it's cute." Jackson smirked at the younger and his hands started to trace shapes on Jinyoung's unexposed back.

"You discussed nicknames with my mother? That's why you took my phone?"

"That and because I wanted to change your picture." Jackson leaned back, digging out the phones from his pocket.

"My picture?" Jinyoung took the opportunity to settle into a better position. He sat on Jackson's outstretched thigh and leaned back against his bookshelf. Jackson's left arm rested around his waist and he slid his hand under Jinyoung's tee shirt.

"Yeah, look." Jackson held out both phones, handing Jinyoung his and gestured for him to unlock it.

Jinyoung did and found that his home screen wallpaper had been changed. It used to be a photo of him and sisters but now Jackson's face looked back at him. The older had his hat on and was biting his lip. It was a good photo but not one Jinyoung would have chosen.

"Do you like it? I've changed mine too." Jackson's eagerly showed his home screen and Jinyoung found a picture of him, pinned to the bed and in mid laughter. The sheets were crumpled around his waist and his pillow looked as if he had just woken up. His smile was on show and he wondered when Jackson took that picture.

"When did you take that?" Jinyoung also wondered if Jackson had more mugshots of him. He clicked on the older's gallery, wanting to delete but ended being stunned frozen as he found a whole album titled Nyoungie~💕. 

"Jinyoung, stop!" Jackson screeched out, immediately reaching for his phone. Jinyoung moved the phone away from Jackson, swiping through the photos. They had all been taken without him knowing, all of them of him smiling, pouting, watching TV, sleeping, reading, practising. 

"Sseun-ah, when did you take all these?" Jinyoung continued to swipe through as if he felt shy yet smug that Jackson constantly took photos of him.

"I don't remember exactly when. I just took them," Jackson whined as he reached for his phone.

"Cute," Jinyoung handed his phone back and pinched Jackson's cheeks even though he was pouting. "Very cute."

"Do you like yours?" Jackson asked tentatively as he pouted, even more, when Jinyoung squashed his cheeks.

Jinyoung cheekily thought of a new picture he much rather have as Jackson stuck out his lips and tried to move Jinyoung's hands.

"I did," He started as he let go to reach for his camera. "But I think I would prefer this."

He snapped the photo quickly. It was of Jackson pouting with wide eyes as he waited for Jinyoung to speak. He was rubbing his cheeks, dramatically trying to erase the redness the younger had caused. It was very cute and Jinyoung was starting to fall in love even more. He changed the picture, only now noticing that his lock screen had been changed from his parents to a photo of him and his family when he was a little kid.

"Where did you get this photo from?" Jinyoung asked Jackson who had now tucked himself behind Jinyoung, chin over the shoulder.

"Eomma sent it, I asked her for it."

Jinyoung was going to have to find out exactly what his boyfriend and his mother talk about. But for now, he'd settle for showing off his new home screen even if the back of his mind tried to warned him that this could backfire.

"Do you like it?" Jinyoung distracted himself as he showed Jackson the picture.

"But I looked sexy in the other one."

"I wanted a cute one."

"That isn't  _ that _ cute."

"Can you be cuter?"

"I can be. But my sexiness is unmatched." Jackson dropped his voice to a husky whisper as he started to pepper light kisses on Jinyoung's neck, tickling the younger.

Jinyoung laughed and squirmed only for Jackson to flip them so Jinyoung was the one on the beanbag and Jackson pressed him into it. His boyfriend danced his lips along Jinyoung's neck and jaw, teasing him. Jinyoung gripped his hair and pulled him up to his lips. They didn't wait for the kiss to deepen as they instantly opened their mouths for each other.

They were so lost in their kiss that they didn't even hear the door open.

"Hey, Jinyoung hyung, you didn't say which group is better, wonder- oh my god, I'm going to be sick!" Yugyeom ran out of the room, fake gagging as the couple separated to stare questioningly at the doorway.

"Should we-?"

"He'll be okay."

Jinyoung pulled Jackson back to him, kissing him with everything he had.

 

**•••**

 

Jinyoung had been thinking. He had been thinking a lot. He knew that sex was a normal thing. He knew that couples had sex. He knew that he wanted sex. He knew Jackson wanted sex. What he didn't know was why it hadn't happened yet. It has been just over two years since the two had started to date. The younger was aware that it wasn't exactly the easiest thing to do with a dorm with others and hardly any time to sleep, let alone have sex. But the younger was a bit conscious about the complete lack of sex. Sure, Jinyoung was a virgin but that didn't deter him. The younger had found that he  _ loved _ giving blowjobs and that Jackson loved it just as much. A few blowjobs, more handjobs and some very very satisfying hard grinding on each other had occurred between the couple. Plus, Jackson was incredibly handsy when they were making out - the older had a knack for placing his hands in the younger's pants just to squeeze his ass.

Like right now. The boyfriends were making out on Jackson’s bed, his door locked so Mark wouldn't walk in. The other members were actually out, doing something (Jinyoung didn't know, he was more focused on walking into Jackson's room and making sure they didn't leave). Jackson was sitting on the edge of his bed. He had only just looked up, noticing the younger, when Jinyoung placed himself in between the older's legs. He had cupped the older's head and leaned down to kiss Jackson. Jackson responded enthusiastically, as always. The older placed his hands on the younger's waist, holding Jinyoung near to him, before wondering to his ass. They broke away for some air and Jackson pulled Jinyoung to sit on his thighs, making the younger straddle him. The Korean took his seat gracefully as he looped his arms around the Chinese's neck.

"This is nice," Jackson hummed, rocking his legs slightly so Jinyoung would sway.

Jinyoung smiled at the other. Jackson was wearing his glasses (Jinyoung loved it when he wore his glasses unlike Jackson) and he was only dressed in his classic black basketball shorts, the ones the older slept in. His chest was bare and his stubble was strong, telling Jinyoung that the older had yet to shower. His hair was still a mess - just another indication that Jackson had barely begun his day.

"I like your glasses," Jinyoung pointed out, fixing them slightly so they rested better.

"Just my glasses?" Jackson teased. He pulled a face, stretching out his lips so his teeth stuck out and his eyes were closed. Jinyoung laughed, enjoying the fluttering feeling in his stomach when Jackson started to laugh with him.

The two calmed down from their giggling fit. Jinyoung rested his head against Jackson's shoulder, his arms moving to hug the older's chest now. He knew he was being extra clingy than normal but the younger was trying to figure out how to approach the topic of sex and why they haven't done it. He feared that Jackson was holding back, thinking Jinyoung wasn't ready. But he was. He was ready and he didn't know how else to show that. He had touched Jackson more, making a point of being in more skin to skin contact. But the older hadn't understood it the way it was meant. Maybe, Jinyoung shouldn't rush it. It will happen when it happens, right? Besides, Jinyoung missed Jackson so sue him for wanting to spend time with him.

"Hey," Jackson kissed the younger's temple as his hands slid down from Jinyoung's hips to his thighs. "Where is everyone else?"

"Out. I don't really know where," Jinyoung replied. He started stroking Jackson's chest, tracing the hard lines while feeling the older tense.

"You're touchy today," Jackson commented, his lips paying homage to the younger's head again.

Jinyoung shrugged, having no real answer other than he missed being with the older. While he had been enjoying their debut, working hard and practising loads, he did find him and Jackson spending less and less time with each other. Maybe that's why the whole sex seemed like a bigger deal. Jinyoung sighed, trying not to dwell too much, "Let's watch something."

"I have to shower and work out still," Jackson protested, squeezing the younger's thighs.

"But I want to spend time with you," Jinyoung protested back. He lifted his head up, looking Jackson in the eyes so the older could see his resistance in letting him go. "Shower later."

"At least, let me shave," Jackson tried to bargain and Jinyoung wondered just when the older would learn that Jinyoung never bargained.

"No need to. I like your stubble," Jinyoung emphasised his point by kissing the older's chin, jaw and anywhere the stubble was visible.

He could feel the Chinese's grip tightening on his thighs but the Korean persisted, kissing the older's upper lip faintly. He let his lips ghost over the other's single lip for a brief second. He was about to pull away when Jackson flipped them so the younger laid on his back on the bed. Jinyoung had his head on Jackson's pillow and his legs spread open to accommodate the older who was laying between them. Jackson rested his weight on his hands just above the younger's shoulders. He loomed over Jinyoung, eyes ablaze with dark lust as they zoomed in on the smirk the younger wore. Jinyoung knew exactly how to make Jackson putty in his hands. Jinyoung kept his hands on Jackson's abdomen, stroking the soft trail of dark hair with his thumbs.

"You're  _ really _ touchy today," Jackson declared. His voice was deeper and Jinyoung could feel the rumbles under his hands. "Any specific reason why?"

Before Jinyoung could answer, Jackson had grinded his crotch slowly and sensually against Jinyoung's. The younger parted in his mouth in a silent  _ oh _ and his hands gripped on the older's tense muscles that moved with each grind.

"Did you wake up from a wet dream or something?" Jackson dropped his head to Jinyoung's throat, nosing and kissing it messily.

Jinyoung shook his head as his right hand slid up Jackson's chest. He brushed a nipple, causing the older to groan against his Adam's apple. Jinyoung felt himself harden fast and he cupped the back of Jackson's head so the older stayed against his neck. Jackson kept moving his body and Jinyoung responded, pushing back against the older as their bodies worked against each other. Jackson bit on the side of the younger's jugular, sucking hard to purple the skin. He licked it after, soothing the skin with its fresh bruise and fresh teeth marks. Jinyoung gripped the dark brown hair so he could kiss Jackson. The Chinese moved just as slowly and passionately against his mouth as he did against his crotch. Their tongues danced in a battle for dominance before Jinyoung won by moving his hand downwards just past the band of Jackson's shorts. The sudden fingers dancing on Jackson's pubic area caused the older to moan and Jinyoung took over the kiss. Jinyoung let his hand rest there on Jackson. He focused on them kissing, trying to deepen the kiss even more. Jackson eventually gave up trying to hold his weight off the younger as his hands moved to slide into Jinyoung's tracksuit bottoms. Their chests pressed against each other in pants and soft moans. Jackson massaged the younger's ass with his full attention. Jinyoung broke the kiss, removing his hands from Jackson as he took off his shirt. He flung it towards the end of the bed. He gave Jackson enough time to remove his glasses before grabbing Jackson's face again, smashing their mouths together.

"You're so amazing," Jackson grunted out as he attacked Jinyoung's ass even more with his hands, squeezing them and digging his fingers into them.

They rested their foreheads together, pressing pecks onto each other. Jinyoung moved his hands, removing the black shorts off of the older. Jackson lifted his body, helping before he pulled Jinyoung's tracksuit bottoms off him. Jackson pawed at the wet spot Jinyoung had made, the younger bucked his hips up and his back arched.

"Handjob?" Jackson asked, his breath hot and heavy on Jinyoung's face. The younger shook his head no, he was too electric to reply verbally. "Blowjob?" Jinyoung shook his head again. "You want to keep doing this?" Jackson searched the younger's face with curiosity and a small hint of concern. Jinyoung smiled as best as he could as Jackson massaged his bulge and ass.

"Jackson, Jacks," Jinyoung breathed. He pulled the older close so their chests joined together in a light sheen of sweat. "Please, just do it. Make love to me. Do  _ me _ ."

Jinyoung kept pushing against the older's hand despite the fact that Jackson had stopped moving. Jackson bit his lip, eyebrows scrunched together and his brown eyes were filled with love and care.

"Are you sure, Jinyoungie?" Jackson lifted both hands up to cup the younger's face, brushing his fringe back.

"Yes," Jinyoung answered honestly. He stroked the small of Jackson's back gently. "I'm ready."

"Okay. Then, do you want me in you or you in me?"

"I don't mind," Jinyoung bit his bottom lip as he thought. "Both?" He asked rather shyly.

Jackson let out a little giggle at that before pecking the younger's lips. "We can do both. I'd love to do both. You can go in me first. That way, you can see what happens and can change your mind."

"Are you okay with that? You're used to it?" Jinyoung asked. He was worried that Jackson was pushing himself out of his comfort zone. He didn't want the older to accommodate to him just because he lacked experience.

"Yeah, I'm a switch. I  _ love _ both sides," Jackson grinned and Jinyoung let out a few chuckles at the older's cheeky smile.

Jinyoung pulled the older in for another kiss, a dry peck that he repeated a few times. He noticed Jackson's hand moving to his bedstand where he opened the drawer and pulled out a bottle of lube and some condoms.

"Okay, I'll prep myself and then we can start. You can wear a condom if you want but we're both clean and I kind of prefer it raw," Jackson mumbled his last words shyly, avoiding eye contact with the younger as he sat up to take off his boxers.

Jinyoung sat up, following the older’s movements. He watched Jackson open the bottle and he grabbed it from the older's hands.

Jackson looked at him, eyes puzzled with that cute pout he had.

"Do you want me to come in you too?" Jinyoung asked confidently though he knew he was blushing. That didn't matter to him. What mattered was Jackson getting what he wants.

Jackson widened his eyes before he bit lip and winked at the younger, "Please."

"God, that was cringe!" Jinyoung laughed with Jackson before sharing a deep kiss.

He handed the bottle over and watched how Jackson poured it over his fingers, rubbing his fingers to warm the creamy liquid. Jackson was kneeling on the bed and he reached one arm behind him. With the other arm, he pulled Jinyoung close to him so they could kiss. Jinyoung hugged the older's hips, tangling his tongue with Jackson as he worked himself open. He could feel Jackson struggling slightly so Jinyoung carefully slid his hand down to the older's, pulling it out and dancing his fingers into the leftover lube. Jackson broke away from the kiss, panting, as he rested his head on Jinyoung's shoulder. When Jinyoung felt like his fingers were coated enough, he slowly made his way in between Jackson's cheeks.

"Oh," Jackson heavily breathed before he pecked at the younger's shoulders. "Let me lie down. It'll be easier for you."

Jinyoung nodded and removed his fingers to let Jackson shuffle to lay down. The older rested against his bed with a pillow under his back. His legs were wide open, showing off his large erection, and his knees were bent so Jinyoung could see his fluttering hole. Jinyoung had taken his seat on his knees inside Jackson's legs. The younger looked up to see if the older was ready and when he received a nod, Jinyoung watched his fingers rub circles against the top of Jackson's hole.

Jackson let out a breathy whine at that, pushing down at Jinyoung's fingers. Jinyoung took the hint. He slowly and gradually slid an index finger into Jackson. He was completely hypnotised by the way Jackson moaned, the way his finger disappeared into a tight warmth that clenched against him, the way his own dick spurted precome every time Jackson's tight warm walls squeezed his finger. Jinyoung started moving his finger, watching it go in and out and all of sudden, he couldn't wait until he was inside Jackson. The older kept pushing down and releasing breathy whines that Jinyoung couldn't focus on anything other than this. This sight of Jackson enjoying himself.

"Another," Jackson moaned out. "Add another."

Jinyoung obeyed. He pulled out his index finger and stuck both forefingers into his mouth. He french kissed his own fingers, lubricating them even more. He tasted Jackson slightly and decided he wanted to taste him more. Jinyoung removed his fingers from his mouth. He pushed them hastily into Jackson, causing the older to moan loudly. His moan was still ringing in Jinyoung's ears when the younger opened his fingers inside Jackson. Jinyoung leaned down, kissing the thick thighs that were shaking slightly. As he kissed his way up to Jackson's balls, he kept scissoring the older. He pulled his fingers out just when he kissed the base of Jackson's dick. Jinyoung mouthed at Jackson's balls, licking and toying with him. Jackson's hands fell on Jinyoung's hair where he gripped the younger flush to his dick. Jinyoung opened his mouth, taking in just the crown of the older when he thrusted three fingers into Jackson. The older moaned the loudest yet. His legs spread wider opener and his hands held Jinyoung's hair tightly, pushing the older down Jinyoung's throat. Jinyoung french kissed his dick, swirling his tongue as he swirled his fingers. He felt Jackson groan and shake under him.

"Jinyoungie!" Jackson called out when the younger deepthroated him suddenly. The older kept groaning and moaning, the deep vibrations turning Jinyoung more and more on. The older tugged on the dark locks in his hands. "I need you. Now. God, please."

Jinyoung pulled the older out of his mouth and his fingers out. He pulled his body up to lie directly on Jackson, their fronts making contact that they both moaned at. Jinyoung slammed his mouth on Jackson's, loving how Jackson immediately gripped his ass, digging his nails in. Jinyoung kissed Jackson hotly. He felt so damn good already and neither had reached their peaks. Jinyoung pulled away, panting as he sat again. He grabbed the bottle of lube and started to stroke himself. He let out small sounds as he made sure he was fully covered.

"Ready?" Jinyoung asked Jackson who had responded quickly.

"Yes.  _ Yes _ ," Jackson whined heavily. His hands were gripping the bedsheets and Jinyoung felt like he was enjoying Jackson's musky mix of sex and sweat way too much.

Jinyoung grabbed Jackson's hips, slowly aligning himself with the older's beautiful, wide hole. Jinyoung groaned quietly as his tip entered Jackson. His groaning increased in volume until he bottomed out and let out a loud, deep, guttural groan. His head dropped back in pleasure and his eyes were closed in bliss. Jackson was moaning, reaching for Jinyoung. The younger leaned down, kissing every part of Jackson's face, throat, neck. The older grabbed Jinyoung's shoulder blades, digging his nails in as he clawed down his back and hooking his hands into the Korean's ass. He pushed there, indicating for Jinyoung to move. So, he did. He pulled out until only his tip rested inside. His hips bucked and he thrusted his full length back in. Jackson moaned, clenching around Jinyoung's dick and kneading his ass. Jinyoung kept thrusting in and out, letting out heavy grunts over Jackson's mouth. 

The slap of skin was loud. The stench of sex increased. The amount of sweat provided enough slick on their stimulated bodies. The two had reached a new level in their relationship. A new level of understanding each other. This new intimacy was only for them. No one could try to mimic or even learn it. Nothing compared to this. Their lips brushed over each other's with each moan, whine, groan and grunt.

Jinyoung slid his hands up from Jackson's hips. One hand went to the older's dick that was leaking heavily. The other hand pushed past the toned slick covered stomach and aimed for Jackson's nipples. The older let out a loud, high pitched needy whine when Jinyoung thrusted into him, grabbed his dick and pinched his nipple simultaneously.

"Oh,  _ Jinyoung, oh, God, _ " Jackson screamed as the younger's hip thrusts matched his hand. Both of his nipples were hard and the younger's hand stroked his torso with a blaze following it.

Jinyoung was nearing his climax. He sped up, dropping his head into the crook of Jackson's neck. He groaned intensely as he felt Jackson pushed him in deeper and deeper with the grip on his ass. The younger bucked his hips harder and he knew he was going to come.

"Gonna come," he rasped out in Jackson's ear.

The older let out another loud moan of Jinyoung's name.

"You're amazing, Jackson," Jinyoung's warm breath was all over Jackson's face and neck. He kept moaning as he felt himself toe the line of his climax. He chanted Jackson's name over and over again in moans. "Jackson, Jackson, Jackson, Jacks- _ seun, Sseun-ah _ ,"

Jinyoung squirted into Jackson. The older clenched around him, milking him as the younger eased off with sensual grinds. He had barely finished when he felt Jackson arched his back and dropping his head back into the pillow. The older came with a loud cry of Jinyoung's name and wild white lines painted both their torsos. Jinyoung nibbled on the side of the older's neck as they both recovered from their rushing hearts and overstimulated bodies. Jackson slid his hands up Jinyoung's bare, tanned back and the younger had to try not to shiver at the sensation. Jackson hugged him, holding the younger to him. Jinyoung wrapped his arms around Jackson's torso, not even caring about the mess of come in between their joined chests.

Jinyoung kissed his neck, making his way to his jaw, cheek and lips. He breathed on Jackson's lips, "God, that was the best thing ever."

"Agreed. Fuck, it was  _ so _ good." Jackson closed the gap between their lips.

It was a soft kiss that showed them both how dedicated they were for each other. How in love they were with each other even though they both have been too shy to say it yet. They moved knowingly against each other's lips and their breaths came out sharp through the noses.

"Okay, you need to pull out now," Jackson broke away to say. His head dropped back on the pillow, overstimulated.

Jinyoung realised how sensitive the older's hole must be and how he was still buried deep in. He rubbed the older's sides gently before sitting up to carefully pull himself out. "Sorry."

"God, that looks so hot," Jackson groaned and Jinyoung was confused as to what he meant.

Jinyoung looked up at the older who was staring intensely at his painted stomach that was slowly drying. Jinyoung glanced down at himself. He felt kind of icky for having dried come on him and his dick was kind of covered in his own come that had followed out from Jackson's hole.

Jinyoung rolled his eyes as he felt his ears burn red. The younger flicked the older's stomach. "You're so easily turned on."

"Can you blame me when you look so damn heavenly all the time?" Jackson raised an eyebrow, sitting up. He shuffled around, straightening his legs while bringing Jinyoung close to him. He nosed against the Korean's collarbones. "God, you smell good too."

"I smell like sweat and sex," Jinyoung complained but wrapped his arms around Jackson's shoulders.

"So good," Jackson repeated before his lips latched onto Jinyoung's left nipple. He sucked hard before rolling his tongue over it.

Jinyoung cupped Jackson's head closer to his chest, feeling the older smile against his skin. The feeling of Jackson's heavy, flat tongue sliding across his chest from one nipple to the other shot straight down to Jinyoung's dick. Jinyoung whined as Jackson left open-mouthed kisses all over his chest. Jackson paid homage in the middle of his chest, biting hard. He sucked again as he gently tipped Jinyoung to lay on his back. Jinyoung found himself becoming turned on the more Jackson left love bites on his chest. The older began licking again, inching down from Jinyoung's chest to his abdomen where he cleaned up his own come. Jinyoung groaned at the sight and the feeling. It was way too much and felt way too good. Jackson smirked just above his navel before he pulled away. He tugged at Jinyoung's legs, widening them so he could slot himself between. He laid down, rubbing his crotch sensually against Jinyoung's, both moaning at the contact of their growing hard cocks. Jackson reached up, brushing Jinyoung's hair back with both hands before kissing him slowly and passionately.

"Okay, I'm going to prep you now. It might hurt but the pain won't last long. If you want to stop at any time, let me know. Okay?" Jackson asked as he slowed down the pace of his grinds.

Jinyoung nodded, pecking the older's lips. He closed his eyes, awaiting the intrusion of Jackson's fingers. Jinyoung felt his ass being kneaded and massaged again with one hand running up and down in between his plump cheeks. The soft touches sent a shiver down his spine. He clenched unknowingly as Jackson circled his hole, pushing down at the top of it slightly.

"Babe, it's okay. Relax," Jackson whispered against his lips.

The older crashed their lips together, automatically sticking his tongue into Jinyoung's mouth. The younger was taken aback by the sudden kiss that he didn't even notice himself unclenching and a finger poking in. He hissed, breaking away from the kiss as his face tightened in pain. It felt weird like something was stuck, and Jinyoung wasn't sure  _ how _ this was meant to be pleasurable.

"I'm sorry, baby," Jackson whispered, his face still hovering over the younger's. "Tell if you want me to move yet."

Jinyoung knew that once he moved, it would feel better so he nodded. He winced slightly at first as Jackson carefully drew his finger out and slowly put it back in even though the lube made it slide easily. Jinyoung pushed his head back into the soft mess of blankets under him as he waited for it to become pleasurable. Jackson kissed his neck, nipping his jowl and caressing his jaw.

Jinyoung felt it then. He felt the pleasure kick in and he moaned the loudest he has ever. It felt like something filling him up, making him whole. He wanted more of the feeling as Jackson stroked his walls from the inside.

"More," He demanded as he ran his hands up Jackson's back. He kept running his hands up and down, scratching his nails into the golden skin. He used the older's back to help push his hips downwards. "Please,  _ more _ ."

Jackson continued to attack his chest with flowering hickies as he added a second finger. It stretched Jinyoung slightly and the younger felt a slight burn as his insides were pulled. Jinyoung froze as the burn amplified when he moved slightly. He panted heavily, trying to will himself to calm down and not to tense.

"Take your time," Jackson muttered near his ear. "Don't strain yourself, babe." The older just kept kissing Jinyoung's face, throat and neck as he waited for the Korean to tell him when to move.

Jinyoung took in his words even if he didn't reply. He closed his eyes, focusing on Jackson. The way Jackson was lying atop him. His body heat. His sweat. The way their crotches were nearly fully hard and were right next to each other. The way his hands were flat on Jackson's back. The way the older had a stronghold on his hip. The way his legs were widely spread and how Jackson fitted perfectly in between them. The way the older was panting on his face, panting because of Jinyoung. The way Jinyoung was panting himself because of Jackson. It burned but he wanted Jackson to move, his body wanting to find pleasure again.

“Move,” He breathed out, hesitantly rolling his hips down to start the movement.

Jackson wasted no time. He opened his fingers inside Jinyoung, scissoring the younger’s warm walls. Jinyoung moaned at the feeling,  feeling filled once more. Jackson rolled his fingers in and out, letting Jinyoung chose the pace. The younger kept rolling downwards, his back arched slightly and his fingers clawed into Jackson’s lower back. He loved this feeling. The feeling of Jackson's fingers pushing inside of him. The feeling of pleasure rolling into him. The feeling of Jackson gasping hot and heavy on his neck. The feeling of Jackson's warm body leaning against his. The feeling of his erection rubbing between hard abs and tensed muscles.

" _ Jackson _ ," Jinyoung moaned erotically. His head was spinning, lolled back and lost in the clouds of bliss. His body felt like it was burning. Every touch, every roll, made him tingle with pleasure.

"More?" Jackson grunted out. He flexed his wrist, moving in circles as he continued to push at the younger's walls. He was trying to make sure the younger was stretched enough considering he was fairly large and it was Jinyoung's first time bottoming. Jinyoung didn't care, he wanted Jackson.

"You. I want you." Jinyoung moved his hands up Jackson's back. He held onto the broad shoulders, arms hooking under his armpits. He pressed Jackson's chest against his.

Jackson lifted his head from the crook of Jinyoung's neck. The older took his fingers out of Jinyoung, the younger whining petulantly at the loss. Jackson leaned down, languidly kissing Jinyoung. He touched the Korean's lips gently, physically promising the younger sweet and thoughtful things. Jinyoung promised the same things back, losing himself in the gentle embrace.

Something large entered him and he harshly bit on Jackson's lips, trying to deal with the sudden  _ large  _ intrusion.

"Hmm, babe," Jackson murmured against the younger's lips, trying to get Jinyoung to release his lips from his teeth.

Jinyoung had his eyes scrunched up in discomfort and he dug his fingers sharply into Jackson's shoulders. Jackson rubbed the younger's hips, trying to ease Jinyoung. He used his thumbs to rub circles into the soft skin while his lips were slowly going numb from the bite.

Jinyoung let go of Jackson's lips as he finally spoke. "God, why are you so  _ big _ ?"

"Genetics?" Jackson couldn't keep his lips off the younger. He cupped the younger's face, pecking his cheeks and forehead.

Jinyoung glared at him for his answer but he knew it was futile since the Chinese man seemed to find him cute right now. "Jacks, I want you to move but will it hurt?"

"It will but it'll go soon. You've got a pillow under you so that helps. You can wrap legs around me too - it'll be less pressure on your lower back." 

Jinyoung was so grateful for Jackson. The older was staring into his eyes, trying to comfort the younger while his dick sat inside Jinyoung. Jackson's honey brown eyes were filled with dedication, love, adoration and a small bit of concern. All managing to become lust that had Jinyoung wanting to keen. Jinyoung puckered his lips, wanting a kiss from  _ his _ Jackson and his bruised lips. Jackson gracefully kissed him. Their lips moved sweetly against each other and Jinyoung noticed Jackson's hands travelling to his hips again. The rapper gripped the younger's upper thighs and Jinyoung immediately wrapped his legs around the slender waist. That only pushed Jackson deeper in and the two simultaneously moaned at the feeling. Jinyoung started to grind down, wanting the older to move as the thought of being filled with Jackson's come overwhelmed him. Jackson continued to kiss him, moving to his cheeks and ears when the younger pulled away to moan. Jinyoung knew Jackson was letting him set the pace but he just wanted to be fucked, now.

"Jackson," Jinyoung rasped out. He used the heels of his feet to push against Jackson's thighs. " _ Move _ ."

Jackson continued to kiss him, soft and sweet. Jinyoung wondered if the Chinese man had even heard him. He was about to repeat himself when Jackson thrusted into him suddenly.

Jinyoung let out a loud moan that resonated throughout the small room. He understood exactly why Jackson loved this. It felt so so good. Jinyoung arched his back as Jackson completed another full thrust. His neck was bared, his back pressing his chest against Jackson's body. There was sweat that made their bodies slide against each other. Jackson kept mouthing and biting his upper chest. Jinyoung was absolutely shaking with pleasure and when he thought it couldn't get any better, Jackson made him  _ vibrate _ .

" _ Fuck _ !" Jinyoung cried out. His legs had tightened, trying to help Jackson's hips hit  _ that _ spot again. His hands left raw red lines on toned skin.

"There? Did I get it?" Jackson was grunting and he was so close that Jinyoung felt his Adam apple move against his own throat.

" _ Please _ ," Jinyoung moaned, absolutely lost in this bliss. " _ Again _ ." He could barely form a coherent sentence.

Jackson kept thrusting in and out of him, taking his time. Jinyoung was pushing back urgently, just wanting the release that was so near.

"Jinyoungie, I'm going-"

"Do it." Jinyoung caged the older against his body, wanting to feel Jackson come.

"Jin- _ young _ ." Jackson came with a deep groan. He buried his head into Jinyoung's neck, kissing the new bruises and soaked skin softly.

Jinyoung felt Jackson pulsate in him. Warmness shot up into his ass and the younger clenched, trying to prolong the feeling. The feeling of Jackson in his very primitive way. When the warm shots slowed down, Jinyoung felt his own fire in his belly roar. His own dick shot lines and coated his and Jackson's torsos. Jinyoung came with another chant of Jackson's name.

His body went limp afterwards, completely sinking into the bed. Jackson lying on top of him helped the two merge into the bed. Jackson placed butterfly kisses on the Jinyoung's skin, making the younger smile softly. Jackson caressed the younger gently, hugging him close and dear.

"How was it?" Jackson whispered as he pecked at Jinyoung's hairline, not caring about the sweat that had built up.

"Amazing. So so good. Just wow." Jinyoung was on cloud 900 after that. He clenched knowing that Jackson was still in him. The older shivered slightly at the small overstimulation before he pulled out carefully. " _ That _ has got to be one of my favourite things."

Jackson smirked, taking the compliment as a way to boost his ego, not that Jinyoung minded. "Well, all of  _ this _ ," Jackson ran his hands over Jinyoung's sides and kissed his forehead. "This is my favourite thing in the world."

Jinyoung let loose a soft giggle as his hands tangled into Jackson's hair. Jackson smiled fondly at Jinyoung, bringing his smiling lips against the younger's forehead again. The two stayed like that for a while, holding each other tight in their post-orgasmic glow.

"Jackson," Jinyoung spoke softly as he felt the older slowly drift to sleep on him.

"Hmm," The rapper lifted himself up so his face hovered above Jinyoung. Their foreheads were touching and Jackson had his eyes closed like he could fall asleep with his head on Jinyoung's.

"We need to shower." Jinyoung cupped Jackson's face with both hands, stroking his cheeks softly.

"Oh, so  _ now  _ you want to shower?" Jackson smirked, eyes still closed. His own hands came up to hold Jinyoung's wrists as he nuzzled into the palms. He opened his eyes to shoot Jinyoung a smirk.

Jinyoung pouted and Jackson laughed. Jinyoung pushed Jackson off him in an act of mock annoyance. Jinyoung sat up, wincing as he felt pain from where he rested his body weight. He looked up at Jackson. The older was stretching, his arms up as his stomach curved forward and his nude body came closer to Jinyoung's face. The younger flicked the older's stomach to get his attention.

Jackson immediately looked down and smiled. He took a step back and held his hands out. "Come on."

"What about the sheets?" Jinyoung asked as he grabbed Jackson's hands. He pulled himself up with the older's help and grimaced at the shooting pain. He hoped he didn't have this pain every time since he kind of (read definitely) wished for their next sessions to be like this.

"You okay?" Jackson was more concerned with Jinyoung in pain than his question. The younger nodded and took a small step forward, hissing slightly. The older bit his lip as he stroked Jinyoung’s back soothingly, making the vocalist lean against him. Jinyoung wrapped his arms around Jackson's chest. "I didn't prep you properly and now you're in pain. Great (!)."

"I'm fine. You prepped me enough and the pain was worth it - don’t worry about that. Now, let's clean up. Please, I feel sticky."

Jackson's eyebrows stayed creased in worry and his hands rubbed continuous circles on Jinyoung's back. He just stared at Jinyoung, mapping his face as he became lost in his own thoughts. Jinyoung let the older do exactly that, relaxing at the warm hands. He tightened his own arms around Jackson, making the older that little bit closer. Jinyoung hooked his chin over Jackson's shoulder, patiently waiting for Jackson to speak or to move. He knew Jackson was going to let the topic slide when he buried his face into the crook of Jinyoung's neck. The younger smiled as Jackson let his lips touch the soft skin under his jaw. Jinyoung tilted his head slightly, letting it rest against Jackson's while it was still hooked over. This felt nice. This felt good. This felt  _ natural _ . Standing there, holding Jackson as they barely swayed to their own ballad, it felt right.

Jackson was the first to break the soft silence. "Who would have thought that our first time having sex would be this great?"

Jinyoung chuckled quietly at that. "Well, it has been nearly two years since we started dating. I'm surprised we lasted this long, to be honest."

Jackson grinned massively at that - Jinyoung knew this because he felt the grin. "Nearly two years," He repeated, his voice was dripping with fondness. "God, I'm never leaving you."

Jinyoung felt his heartbeat jackhammer out of his chest and into Jackson's arms. Why was Jackson Wang so precious? Why was Jinyoung so in love with him? Why did Jackson know how to make Jinyoung a blushing, bumbling mess? Why was Jackson Wang a smooth talker? And why was Jinyoung so weak for him? Not that he would show the Chinese man so easily.

"I'm going to leave you if we don't get into the shower."

Jinyoung let out a surprised yelp as Jackson suddenly lifted him up, hooking his hands under Jinyoung's thighs. He clutched onto the rapper who was now walking towards the bathroom.

"Do you always have to ruin a moment by being sarcastic?" Jackson complained, gently placing Jinyoung on the bathroom floor.

"You do the same." Jinyoung rolled his eyes as he turned on the shower. He stepped in with the older close behind.

"With humour. It's better." Jackson shut the door behind him and reached to grab Jinyoung's bottle of shampoo.

"No, it's not." Jinyoung retorted as he grabbed Jackson's body wash.

"Yes, it is. It still makes you happy." Jackson was massaging Jinyoung's scalp, taking his time to wash every strand.

"But it still ruins the moment." Jinyoung was soaping the older's stomach when he thought of a way to prove his moment. He waited until Jackson brought Jinyoung's head under the showerhead to rinse the shampoo. 

"But it still makes the moment," Jackson was saying, completely concentrated on getting the shampoo out. Once he was done, Jinyoung lifted his head and pushed the wet strands off his face. Jackson wiggled his eyebrows, "Want to go for round 3?"

Now was a perfect time to prove his point. Jinyoung tickled the sides of Jackson's stomach. Some bubbles had been washed off but that didn't stop Jackson squirming intensely.

"Stop!" He laughed out, arms flailing to try to get Jinyoung to stop.

"Do you agree with me?" Jinyoung laughed as he wrapped his arms around Jackson, stopping the tickling.

"Yes, fine," Jackson breathed out, exasperated. He held a hand to his heart as if he had the shock of his life and had to calm down.

"Stop being a baby," Jinyoung chuckled before turning to grab his own body wash.

"I'm your baby," Jackson said impishly with a small pat on Jinyoung's ass.

Jinyoung inhaled sharply. He had almost forgotten about that as the pain was easing the more he stood. He stayed where he was, waiting for the pain to fade away again.

"Oh my god, I'm sorry!" Jackson realised what he did and immediately back hugged Jinyoung. He pulled the Korean's body to lean heavily on him so Jinyoung stood with less weight. "I'm an idiot, I'm sorry."

"It's fine." Jinyoung wrapped his arms around Jackson's that rested around his waist. "It doesn't hurt that much. Just sudden movement or direct contact hurts."

Jackson huffed, not pleased with himself. He hooked his chin over Jinyoung's shoulder and buried his face into his neck.

"Jacks, it's fine. I promise."

"You're on bed rest after this."

"Jackson-"

"No, I'll clean up. You go and eat Jaebeom hyung's strawberries or something."

Jinyoung turned around to face Jackson. He knew that Jackson wouldn't let him help tidy up and he wasn't exactly opposed to just sit around. But Jackson had to know that he didn't need to apologise. "I'll do that if you stop apologising."

"But I hurt you," Jackson frowned. The water was running down his face, making him blink more often. His hair was flat on his forehead, the strands clumping together. His eyebrows were pinched slightly while his lips were softly pouting. His soft brown orbs showed concern and care. God, he was cute.

"I'm fine. You didn't hurt me." Jinyoung's tone was strong and firm. Jackson had opened his mouth to protest again but Jinyoung narrowed his eyes at him. "Now, help me get dried come off."

Jackson let loose a protesting whine but still took the body wash off Jinyoung. He lathered the younger while Jinyoung washed his hair. They cleaned each other before helping each other dry. Jackson dried Jinyoung's hair and dressed him in a hoodie and tracksuit bottoms. Jinyoung was about to help him clean the sheets when Jackson kicked him out of the room. With a roll of his eyes, he went to make some ramen. He was nearly done with it when Jackson reappeared.

"I said bedrest," He sighed, walking over to Jinyoung take the ramen off him.

"I got hungry and I bet you're hungry too." Jinyoung steered the older into the living room where he placed the food on the small table.

"Bedrest," Jackson pulled at the younger to lie down by caging him to the sofa. He straddled Jinyoung down.

"We had sex. I didn't have surgery." Jinyoung shuffled so he was sitting up slightly. He wanted his food.

"Shush," Jackson placed his hand over Jinyoung's mouth, drumming his fingers against his plump cheek. Jinyoung gave another eye roll which made Jackson let go of him.

Jackson picked up the big bowl of ramen and the chopsticks. He twisted the noodles before holding it out for Jinyoung to eat.

"I can feed my-"

Jackson had shoved the noodles into his mouth, forcing the younger to eat. "Just shut up and eat, okay?"

"Fine," Jinyoung drawled out despite the light blush falling onto his cheeks. He opened his mouth to be fed again. Jackson gave himself bites into between the bites given to Jinyoung. Once they finished, Jackson got up to clear the dishes before jumping back onto the sofa with Jinyoung.

The couple were cuddling under a blanket on the sofa in the living room with a movie on. They were lying on their sides with their heads on the armrest. It wasn't a big sofa at all so their bodies were pressed together. Jinyoung had chosen to lie down since it limited the pressure on his ass. Jackson had his legs around Jinyoung's and he hugged the younger tight to his chest. The Chinese kept nuzzling into the Korean's ebony locks, sleeping away, while the younger watched the intense drama. Fortunately, none of the other members had yet to arrive back home. Although Jinyoung was a little worried about what they could have been doing all day and if they were okay. As Jinyoung debated whether he should message them, the front door opened.

"We're back, bitches!" Mark screamed as he walked in. He went straight to his bedroom, probably going to charge his phone.

The rest followed through into the living room. Jaebeom barely batted an eye at the couple koala hugging each other.

"Ew, they're romancing in front of my eyes!" Yugyeom yelled in horror despite taking a seat on the massage chair.

"Ew, hyung, do you have to do that here?" BamBam pouted as he took the remote from Jinyoung and changed the channel.

"Hey, I was watching that," Jinyoung instinctively sat up, wanting to beat BamBam who now sat adjacent to him. Only he had forgotten about his ass. He gritted his teeth, " _ Ow _ !"

"Hyung, are you okay?" Youngjae appeared with a small bag of popcorn in his arms - did they go to a theme park? He crouched down to his haunches in front of Jinyoung who was rubbing the small of his back as best as he could with a clingy asleep Jackson attached to him. Youngjae passed the popcorn to BamBam and took over the rubbing. "What happened?"

"Do you need to see the doctors?" Yugyeom asked as he and BamBam leaned forward.

"No, I'll be fine." Jinyoung didn't want to spoil their innocence (though hardly any was left in Jaebeom's opinion).

"Who ate the strawberries?" Jaebeom complained as he finally re-entered the living room. Once he saw the maknaes' concern over Jinyoung, he was by his best friend's side in an instant. "What the hell happened to you?"

“His back,” Youngjae informed.

Jinyoung opened his mouth to elaborate only to be cut off by Mark marching past them to grab the Febreeze stored in the bathroom.

"If you guys are going to have sex, please air out the room. For fuck's sake, it stinks." The American yelled over the furious spraying of air freshener. The Korean flushed bright red and his ears felt too warm.

Jaebeom raised an eyebrow at Jinyoung and a smirk was on his lips. "You don't get to complain about your back." He told the younger, leaving the maknaes confused. He got up, going back to the kitchen. "Now, who ate my strawberries?"

"Hyung?" Youngjae looked at Jinyoung worriedly as he sat next to BamBam. BamBam himself gave Jinyoung a simple furrow of his eyebrows.

"How does you guys doing _ that _ make your back hurt?" Yugyeom asked the question that Jinyoung knew they all wanted an answer to. Could blushing be an emotion rather than a reaction? Because Jinyoung was sure he was  _ feeling  _ blushed, all red and warm and flustered. God, someone save him from this, please.

BamBam gasped. "Is Jackson's kink BDSM?"

"Why do you know that? No, how do you know that?  _ Don’t  _ know that!" Jinyoung widened his eyes. He had to protect Youngjae, Yugyeom was already a lost cause. "No, nothing like _ that _ happened. You need to stop learning about that, Bammie. Right now. Just stop."

Youngjae was about to ask another question when Jackson woke up, gaining all the attention in the room. The older stretched his arms up and legs straight before he realised that Jinyoung was tangled in his legs.

"Oh my god, did I hurt you?” Jackson asked, immediately sitting up and massaging the younger's back.

"No, no. I'm fine. Everyone's back home," Jinyoung told him, watching the older looked around the room to find the youngest three looking at him. Youngjae had a confused expression. BamBam had a mischievous expression. Yugyeom somehow managed to wear both expressions.

"Oh." Jackson could piece together that they knew that the two had had sex from their looks. He leaned to whisper in Jinyoung's ear. "Aren't you glad we both put hoodies on instead of a tee-shirt? Imagine if they saw our hickies."

Jinyoung laughed despite his growing embarrassment. He playfully shoved Jackson before he leaned back into him. The rapper simply smiled and hugged the younger back.

"Bam, put Iron Man on." Jackson rearranged their blanket, opening it enough for Youngjae to stick his legs under.

"Eurgh, no. We've seen it, like, a thousand times," BamBam complained as he flicked through the movies.

"Oh, put Naruto on!" Youngjae added his suggestion as Mark walked into the living room.

"Choose a horror," Mark contributed as he pulled out his red blanket and sat next to the massage chair where Yugyeom had curled up.

"Please, no," Jaebeom complained as he came back with his strawberries. He took the last empty seat next to Mark and the couple. "I don't want to deal with Jackson and Youngjae screaming loudly."

"Let's watch Disney!" Yugyeom made a heart with his hands and spoke in a cute cheer. The six of them turn to look at him before turning back around to the TV, not responding to Yugyeom. "Argh! You guys are mean!" Yugyeom grumbled as he took the offered half of Mark's blanket.

"Rush Hour?" BamBam asked, already clicking play.

The six agreed and ended up watching the whole series that night. All fell asleep at different intervals, sprawled over each other.

 

**•••**

 

"How's your back?" Jinyoung sat on the edge of the bed and placed a hot water bottle on Jackson's back.

"That feels nice," Jackson groaned in relief before moving his head out of his pillow. He looked at Jinyoung with his lips puckered out. "Kisses take away the pain."

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. "Shouldn't I be kissing your back then?"

"I'd recommend both." Jackson shuffled on his bed, patting the newly available space beside him. "Lie with me."

"Jacks, that's not going to be good for your back," Jinyoung chided but still moved to closer to Jackson. He leaned against the headboard, checking Jackson's back still had its heat relief and was flat. Jackson circled his arms around Jinyoung's waist, tugging at him so the rapper could rest his head on his lap. He nuzzled into Jinyoung's thigh with his nose before resting his head down and closing his eyes. Jinyoung stroked his hair softly and he felt Jackson's hands slide under his shirt. Jinyoung leaned his back against the wall with his eyes closed.

Jackson had pushed his body today with practising more backflips than needed. Jinyoung had yelled at him while thanking the stars that he wasn't seriously injured. If he had been seriously hurt, then their end of year performances was going to get messy and they needed Jackson in Hong Kong to help with the language and maybe Jinyoung would have cried if Jackson wasn't with them. The older already had a tough week with the Roommate shooting. The members didn't even know Jackson's parents had flown in so when they watched the episode, they were all very emotional. All of them knew how much Jackson looked up to his parents and how much he missed them. Jinyoung remembered how his heart hurt to see Jackson cry but he knows the older needed that moment with his parents.

"Jinyoungie?"

Jinyoung hummed in response, lifting his head up so he wouldn't feel drowsy.

"My parents want to meet you tomorrow." Jackson's voice was small and soft, almost as if he was worried about the topic.

"I've already met them though. Yesterday, when we all went to dinner." Jinyoung was confused. He had met them yesterday along with the other members and a few other fellow trainees, staff and friends. It was quite a busy affair and Jinyoung mainly stuck with the three maknaes throughout it all. He remembered how the four of them ended up gossiping over a rumoured girl group debuting soon. BamBam claimed he saw them learning a new choreography but when Youngjae asked him for proof, the Thai boy started to dance a Girls Generation song - Yugyeom had caught him out.

"I mean, just you. They want to meet you as my friend." Jackson turned his head, resting his chin on Jinyoung's thigh as he looked up at the vocalist.

"But I'm not your friend." Jinyoung pouted and furrowed his eyebrows. Did Jackson's parents not know they were dating? Jinyoung told his family and they were enthusiastic to meet Jackson - his sisters had lugged all his childhood photos from Jinhae once. Jackson seemed fine for Jinyoung's family to know about them and he was out to his family.

"That's not the point, Jinyoungie!" Jackson whined with a pout and pinched Jinyoung's back slightly. "Are you coming to dinner or not?"

"I mean, do I have to? I'm so awkward. Are you sure I won't be too weird?"

Meeting Jackson's parents once as a bandmate and barely talking to them was something Jinyoung could handle. But spending a whole night sitting at a table with his boyfriend's parents and no one else to distract them? Jinyoung was already drowning in nerves.

"You are not awkward and you won't be weird at all. You're the most charming person I've ever met. My parents already love you and this dinner will just make them love you more than they love me." Jackson finished his point with a soft kiss on Jinyoung's covered stomach.

"I doubt they'll love me as much as their own son."

"They'll love you more than they love me. But not as much as I love you. No one can match that, okay?" Jackson had kissed his way up Jinyoung's front and now his lips moved against the base of Jinyoung's chin. "I'm waiting for you to agree."

Jinyoung rolled his eyes again at Jackson's dramatic flair but still nodded in agreement.

"Nope." Jackson moved up so his body was right against Jinyoung's and his hands held Jinyoung's hips tightly. His lips left tingling sensations on the corner of Jinyoung's mouth. "I need to hear you say it."

"Jackson, you're going to hurt your back even more," Jinyoung complained as he moved his hands to hold the hot water bottle against Jackson's back.

"I'm fine. It's just some muscle strain. Now, agree with me," Jackson whined again, his hands moved Jinyoung's hips in a soft swing. He puckered his lips even more and pushed them right against the corner of Jinyoung's mouth. "Hurry up, I want to kiss you!"

Jinyoung let out a sigh. "You're so needy."

Jackson only made a complaining noise, tugging at Jinyoung's hips and pushing lips even further against Jinyoung.

"Alright, fine. No one will love me as much as you love me, okay?"

Jackson pulled away, grinning at Jinyoung who quickly wiped off the saliva that appeared on his face. He blamed his hot hands for the flush on his face and not Jackson's grinning eyes and fluttering words.

"Okay," Jackson conceded and pecked Jinyoung's lips.

"That's all I get? After all of that?" Jinyoung pouted and puffed his cheeks out.

Jackson brought his hands up, cupping Jinyoung's face which he shook gently. Jinyoung smiled widely and he felt his heart flutter like it always has. "You're so cute, I'm going to die." He leaned forward, touching Jinyoung's lips with his own.

They kissed languidly and carefully, taking their time to map out each other. Their tongues met each other with as much elegance and sophistication a kiss could have. Their lips locked together as their tongues mapped out their souls. Jackson stroked Jinyoung's cheeks with his thumb as he held the younger's head, occasionally moving it to deepen the kiss. Jinyoung had his hands wrapped around Jackson's waist, meeting in the middle of his back where he stroked the spine with his fingers absentmindedly.

"Don't you guys breathe?"

The couple broke apart and Jinyoung looked at the base of the bunk bed above him. He felt embarrassed that Mark had been in the room with them all this time. He also felt annoyed that Mark interrupted one of the best kisses he's ever had with Jackson. He let out a petulant whine and pouted at Jackson. He poked Jackson's back, telling his boyfriend to reply.

Which he did ever so eloquently as he looked up at the bunk bed. "Shut up, Mark."

Jinyoung pinched his side for being rude to their hyung. Jackson winced exaggeratedly and he pulled Jinyoung's ear back. Jinyoung pinched him harder which caused Jackson to twist his ear.

"Ow!" Jinyoung called out with a pout as he locked his legs around Jackson's hips.

"You started it," Jackson rebutted as he pinned Jinyoung's arms above his head.

"Did not." Jinyoung pushed his body up, trying to flip the rapper over so he could win their wrestling match.

"Did too." Jackson freed his legs from Jinyoung's cage and pushed the younger's legs aside.

"Did not." Jinyoung tugged at his wrists as he thrashed his legs.

"Did too." Jackson sat on his thighs, holding his legs down and he pulled Jinyoung's arms apart so his hands rested by his head, pinned still. "Now, give me an apology kiss."

"Never." Jinyoung turned his head away from Jackson.

"Now, Nyoungie."

Jinyoung whipped his head back to glare at Jackson. He hated that nickname since Jackson first tried to use it when they had first started to date. It wasn't the nickname he would have chosen. He practically forced Jackson to call him Jinyoungie which the older did almost religiously.

"Nyoungie," Jackson dragged out the  _ ie _ , making Jinyoung hate his boyfriend's cute antics.

"Oh my god, you two are so annoying. Shut up and sleep before I kick you out." Mark's voice once again broke their bubble.

Jackson pulled a face and mocked Mark which made Jinyoung giggle slightly.

"I swear to god, shut up."

That made the two bit their lips to quieten their giggles. Jinyoung pinched Jackson's cheeks and cooed at him. "Time for bed."

"You're coming to dinner, right?" Jackson asked one last time as he resettled atop Jinyoung. He moved his arms to wrap Jinyoung's waist as his head burrowed into the space between Jinyoung's shoulder and neck.

Jinyoung nodded as his hand came up to scratch Jackson's nape. His other hand wrapped around Jackson's waist, holding the older close under the duvet. He closed his eyes and matched Jackson's steady breathing as they both descended to sleep.

When Jinyoung woke up the next morning, he was alone under the duvet and was hugging one of Jackson's many plushies. He yawned softly as he crawled out of bed and blearily made his way back to his own bathroom. He freshened up and proceeded to spend his day practising his English with Mark.

"Jinyoung, your English is fine. Plus, Jackson will be there." The American declared as he shot people in his video game.

"Hyung, please." Jinyoung felt like he should be concerned over Mark's blank face as he shot different people dead. "I just don't want to embarrass him."

"And you won't."

Jinyoung pouted, making a noise of discomfort.

"Fine," Mark sighed out as he paused his game. "I'll help you but your English is perfectly fine."

"It's complete shit," Jinyoung scoffed as he leaned back against Mark's giant Pikachu plushie that sat on his bed.

"If we're doing this, we're going to speak in English all day."

"All day?" Jinyoung rolled his eyes when Mark gave him a pointed look, making the younger repeat his words in English. "All day?"

"Yes," Mark gleamed, apparently content with Jinyoung's English.

The vocalist heard his thick accent and wanted to physically cringe. How was he going to get through a dinner with Jackson's parents with he sounded like he just learnt English yesterday?

"My accent, not good." Jinyoung tried to share his worries but only got Mark's eye roll in return.

"It is good."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

*Jinyoung, your English is better than most would expect."

"But, struggle with the  _ grammar _ ."Jinyoung tried to think of the English word for grammar but he didn't know it. He feared Jackson's parents would find his English weak and not approve of him dating Jackson. Jinyoung knew how much Jackson loves his parents, how much he missed them and he always listens to Jackson talk about them. He didn't want Jackson to not meet his parents' expectations.

"Jinyoung, you've got Jackson with you. He'll help you." Mark crawled over, wrapping the younger into a hug that Jinyoung was grateful for. 

"I don't want him to be stuck as the translator. That's if I'm not awkward enough to keep the conversation going."

"His parents practically know you. He's been on the phone with them while you're there."

"This is my first time meeting them. I don't want to embarrass myself or Jackson."

"You can never embarrass Jackson. He finds everything you do amazing," Mark chuckled and Jinyoung joined in.

"Maybe I'll be better at Chinese?"

"I'll teach you what I can."

That evening, Jinyoung was smoothing his tie and practising his pronunciation in his bedroom. He had to kick BamBam and Yugyeom out about an hour ago because they were not helpful at all.

"Hey, I'm back," Jackson declared as he swung the door open, scaring Jinyoung slightly.

Jinyoung didn't turn around straight away as he waited for his heart to recover.

Jackson sauntered over, wrapping his arms around Jinyoung's waist and hooking his chin over Jinyoung's shoulder. He turned his head, facing inwards as he kissed Jinyoung's cheek. "You look good but I should have told you that you don't need to wear a suit."

"I told BamBam!" Jinyoung let out a heavy sigh as he pulled away to flip through his wardrobe. He was trying to find a smart shirt to pair with his best blue jeans when Jackson slid his arms around his waist again. 

"Have you been this stressed out all day?" Jackson whispered into his ear but Jinyoung was too distracted to feel the usual tingles.

"Does this shirt work with it?" Jinyoung held up a baby pink shirt that he actually hadn't worn in a while.

"You're not going to get cold without a cardigan or sweater?" Jackson was kissing his neck now but Jinyoung was more focused on his clothes. "You know we've got an hour before we have to leave so do you want to de-stress?"

"Maybe I should just wear a nice sweater. I think I have a smart one somewhere." He tried to move but Jackson tightened his arms, holding him flushed to his body.

"Why are you so stressed out over this?"

"I'm meeting your  _ parents _ for the first time, Jackson. How can I not be stressed over this?" Jinyoung had spun around, watching as he told Jackson.

"You don't need to be," Jackson whispered as he came close to nuzzle their noses together. "You're beautiful, amazing, charming, funny and just great. You don't need to be worried."

Just as Jinyoung was about to refute, Jackson's hands slid from his waist to cup his ass.

"You look really good in a suit." Jackson licked his lips, closing the small gap between their mouths to press a small kiss.

Jinyoung immediately pressed back, needing Jackson to ease his worries in any way possible. He opened his mouth when Jackson's tongue starting to get impatient. Their lips danced and their tongues swirled each other. Jackson's hands fumbled with the fitted trousers, unzipping them before he hooked his hands under Jinyoung's knees. Jinyoung moved back against the cupboard, pulling Jackson along with him as they banged into the wooden door. Jackson lifted Jinyoung's legs up and Jinyoung wrapped them around his waist. While Jackson massaged Jinyoung's ass with the same tenderness that he kissed Jinyoung with, the vocalist pushed down at Jackson's own trousers. Jinyoung moved his hips first, realising how much he needed Jackson to help him relax right now. Jackson groaned into Jinyoung's mouth, his hips automatically moving back.

"Sseun-ah, do we have time?" Jinyoung panted out between the now rough kisses.

Jackson didn't give a verbal answer. Instead, he pulled Jinyoung's boxers down and his own off. He grinded against Jinyoung, his arms moving to push his hands against the cupboard. Jinyoung tightened his legs around his waist, bringing the hard dicks flushed together while still grinding against each other. Jackson trailed his lips down, teeth grazing at Jinyoung's jowl.

"I always have time for you," Jackson growled and Jinyoung let out a soft moan.

They moved fast and roughly, letting out soft sounds as they tried to kiss every part of each other. Before Jinyoung could even try to warn Jackson, he was coming and hot waves of pleasure rolled throughout his whole body. His head lolled back, his hands grabbing onto Jackson's shoulders and his legs tightly wrapped around Jackson's waist. Jackson helped him ride out his orgasm before he too came. Their white messes stained both their tops but neither cared as Jinyoung cupped the rapper's face and gave him a sweet, slow kiss. When they separated, Jinyoung unwrapped his legs and took off his shirt, chucking it into his dirty laundry basket.

"I need to shower again," The vocalist complained as he moved past Jackson to grab a wet wipe. He wiped some stray come on his stomach and handed Jackson a wipe for himself.

"You don't need to shower. It's just a natural musk." Jackson reached for the wipe, thanking Jinyoung with a peck on his lips.

"I smell like we just had a quickie. Which we did." Jinyoung rolled his eyes as he moved to grab his towel and his shower gel - he learnt the hard way that people use other people's stuff in the bathroom.

Jackson pouted, reaching for Jinyoung as he wrapped an arm around his shoulder and another around his waist. He hooked his head over Jinyoung's left shoulder, leaning in close to whisper into Jinyoung's ear. "Can I shower with you?"

Jinyoung laughed, elbowing Jackson lightly. "Later. I don't want to be late."

A quick shower and an outfit change, Jinyoung was ready to join Jackson in the car as they headed out to the restaurant. When they pulled up, Jinyoung felt sick with nerves. What would he say? How badly would this night end? He just knew he was going to say something wrong.

"Nyoungie, stop," Jackson whispered beside him. The young rapper cupped Jinyoung's chin, turning his head so he could plant a soft kiss on his lips, his nose and his forehead. "You'll be okay, more than okay. I know they'll love you. Don't keep stressing yourself out over it."

"Sseun-ah, I can't speak English or Mandarin or Cantonese. I'm going to embarrass myself. You can't play translator for the night."

"You can speak English. They've been learning Korean too and don't worry about learning Mandarin, I can just about do broadcast in it." He tugged the younger's face closer. "Nyoungie, you'll be okay."

Jinyoung kept in his worries this time as he let Jackson lead the way into the restaurant. Jinyoung pouted as Jackson let go of his hand the second they walked in, walking ahead of Jinyoung to reach the foyer where they had decided to meet his parents. He knew it was just Jackson being excited to see his parents but Jinyoung couldn't help but feel left alone. He quickly followed behind and found Jackson hugging his parents. When the Chinese rapper saw Jinyoung behind him, he immediately introduced everyone.

"Mum, Dad, this is my friend, Jinyoung."

Jinyoung bowed but was quickly brought into a hug by Jackson's mum. He could see who Jackson got his hugging skills from. Jackson's dad went for a handshake and said it was nice to meet more of Jackson's friends.

"I'm not his friend," Jinyoung pointed out with a small frown, struggling with his English slightly. Jackson's parents laughed and went to sit at their table. Jinyoung turned to Jackson. "I'm not your friend." He repeated in Korean.

"Let's go." Jackson looked away but held Jinyoung's hand as he led them to the table.

Jinyoung followed with his frown deepening. He let Jackson tug him into his chair next to the older, barely registering the waiter coming over and handing them each a menu. His mind was too occupied with wondering why Jackson told his parents they were only friends. Did his parents not know that Jackson was dating? Or that he had been dating for a few years now? How can you date someone for that long and not tell your parents? Jinyoung remembered when he first told his parents he was dating and then when he introduced Jackson to them. It wasn't terrible, Jackson was talkative and his parents were happy to meet Jackson.

"Hey, Jinyoung." Jackson, who was sitting next to him, nudged his side and pulled the vocalist out of his thoughts. "What are you ordering?"

"Oh," Jinyoung fumbled on his words. He looked around to see the Wang family and the waiter waiting for him. He hadn't even looked at the menu yet. He randomly pointed at a dish, saying he'll have water as his drink.

"You sure you only want that? There's steak." Jackson whispered, a hand slipping into Jinyoung's thigh to softly stroke.

"Yeah, I'm fine with that." Jinyoung gave the waiter a smile and tried to ignore that sinking feeling in his stomach that only grew the longer Jackson left his hand on his thigh.

Jinyoung felt awkward. Not in the awkward he was expecting with the language barrier. No, in fact, the conversation was easy to follow. He should have expected Jackson's parents to be just as talkative and welcoming as the boy himself. But he was awkward. Awkward because was he only Jackson's friend after all that time together? Did their relationship not mean anything more than a friendship to Jackson? He knew that Jackson had told his parents about his sexuality -  _ he  _ was the one who helped Jinyoung tell his own parents. So, why? Why didn't Jackson tell them they were dating? Why did his parents not question the fact that Jackson brought Jinyoung by himself to have dinner with them? Why was Jinyoung so confused? How could he not know where he stood with Jackson? Who has sex with someone only to call that person their friend not even an hour later? 

Jinyoung couldn't even register his food arriving or Jackson sneaking some of his steak onto the younger's plate. Jinyoung wasn't sure if he even ate the food before it was replaced with dessert. He made small talk with Jackson's parents, he found it easy to keep to the general chatter of this and that, dance lessons, eating enough and how everyone was. But that didn't stop him feeling sick to his core as Jackson's hand squeezed his thigh in a small question of  _ are you okay? _

"So, Jinyoung," Jackson's mum started in a soft tone as she leaned forward. She left her cake alone as she smiled with knowing sparkles in her eyes. "How long have you been close with our Gaga?"

"Oh, erm," Jinyoung was stumbling on his words again. They had stayed away from Jackson's and Jinyoung's _ friendship _ but now Jinyoung didn't know what to say. "Ever since he arrived here, I guess?"

"I met him on my first day, mum. Remember I told you about the kid who kept dancing?" Jackson laughed and Jinyoung couldn't help but blush at his younger self.

"You told me about a cute kid! This boy in front of me is handsome!"

Jackson's dad then said something in Cantonese, somehow making Jackson blush and leaving Jinyoung confused. "W-what did he say?" Jinyoung asked under his breath, already hating how lost he had been the whole night.

"Nothing, nothing," Jackson dismissed quickly, clearing his throat and moving the conversation onto how long his parents were staying for.

Jinyoung ducked his head down, focusing on how his spoon cut through his cake while his mind ran crazy with thoughts. What was Jackson not telling him? What did his parents actually think of him? Did they really like him? Would Jackson really break up with him if his parents didn't like them together? He knew what Jackson's parents meant to the older.

He didn't realise how long he had been left in his thoughts before Jackson lifted his head up and moved it to face the rapper.

"You okay? We're going back now," Jackson spoke in a soft whisper, leaning close to the younger's temple.

"Your parents?" Jinyoung asked back, voice gentle from speaking little.

"They've gone to get our coats."

"Oh."

"Nyoungie, are you tired from earlier? Have you caught a cold?" He cupped Jinyoung's chin while his other hand settled between his shoulder blades.

"I'm fine. Do I need to pay the bill?" Jinyoung tried not to force himself out of Jackson's hands since he was enjoying it a bit too much.

Jackson pulled a face of confusion. "What? No, I told you before. It's my treat tonight, I've just paid."

"Right." Jinyoung tugged his chin out of Jackson's hold, taking a bite of his cake. He could feel Jackson's gaze on him, curious, worried and concerned.

"Okay, boys, here are your coats." Jackson's mum reappeared and she handed the coats over as the couple stood up.

"Should we drop you off?" Jinyoung asked, subtly trying to prolong being alone with Jackson.

"Oh, no, no," Jackson's dad waved him off. "Our car is already waiting for us and I'm sure you're ready to go straight to bed. Gaga said you had a long schedule today."

Huh? Jackson was the one with a long schedule today.

"Yeah, he needs his rest," Jackson laughed lightly beside him before he went up to hug his parents. He murmured something to them in Cantonese and they replied back with soft words and a glance at Jinyoung.

Then, Jinyoung was saying  _ goodbye, it was nice to meet you  _ and Jackson's parents hugged him tightly.

His mum whispered into his ear gently, "Thank you for loving him."

Jinyoung felt his ears burn despite how confused he was. Loving him? Was he that obviously in love with Jackson?

"I'll see you guys tomorrow." Jackson waved his parents off as they climbed into the car.

They waited until the car drove off before getting into their own. Jinyoung focused on settling in, texting the group chat that they were their way back and that the maknaes better be in bed.

"Nyoungie," Jackson called out lightly.

Jinyoung turned to see Jackson leaning over the vocalist. He moved one arm around Jinyoung's shoulders while the other went to touch his forehead.

"What are you doing?" Jinyoung pulled back only to be pushed into the rapper's chest by Jackson's arm.

"Seeing if you have a temperature. You must be sick. There's no way you would have stayed  _ that _ quiet for no reason."

"I wasn't completely quiet, and I'm not sick. I just, I had something on my mind, okay?" Jinyoung tried to move away from Jackson's embrace but the older simply hugged Jinyoung flushed to him. He started to do that  _ thing _ with his fingers down Jinyoung's back. Jinyoung hated how much that thing always relaxed him.

"What was on your mind?"

"Nothing." Jinyoung kept silent, only choosing to bury himself into Jackson. He nuzzled into the rapper's chest, hearing his heartbeat underneath his ear and brought his arms up to hug himself.

"Nyoungie," Jackson sighed out but didn't finish what he wanted to say. He left a kiss on Jinyoung's forehead and a tighter hug do all the talking until they arrived home.

When they finally reached home, Jinyoung couldn't wait to get into bed. He didn't wait for Jackson before he ascended up the stairs and into the dorm to find all five members watching a film.

"Jinyoungie!" Jackson caught up behind him, shutting the door and stepping forward. "What was that about?"

Jinyoung, mindful of their audience, didn't turn around. He dismissed Jackson with a small  _ nothing _ before disappearing into his room. He shut his door behind him, knowing Jackson would be following him. He made quick work of changing out of his clothes and was debating sleeping in a jumper (the heating never worked in his room) when Jackson stormed in.

"Right, sit down. We are going to talk this out now." The rapper demanded as he shut the door, flipped the lock and sat down on Jinyoung's bed.

Jinyoung remained by his wardrobe, turning to give Jackson a raised eyebrow.

"Don't make me tell you twice, Park Jinyoung."

Okay, even Jinyoung knew when not to push Jackson and when the older was practically growling, Jinyoung quickly took his seat on the farthest side of the bed.

"Now, what the fuck is up with you? Was it something that my parents said? Did you not like them? Was it the food? Was it a bad restaurant?"

Jinyoung didn't know what to say. It wasn't any of that. He loved Jackson's parents, found them funny and really nice. The food was nice - from what he did eat - and the restaurant was quite nice, Jinyoung wouldn't mind going again. So, how does Jinyoung tell Jackson that  _ he _ was the reason Jinyoung was pissed? Upset? What was Jinyoung feeling right now?

Jackson leaned forward, grabbing Jinyoung's hands and he pressed little kisses on his knuckles. "Nyoungie, please, just tell me." He looked at Jinyoung with those big puppy eyes and damn it, Jinyoung was so weak for those eyes. "Tell me what upset you."

"You did," Jinyoung whispered hoarsely, watching Jackson carefully. He hated how his eyes welled up and how Jackson's puppy eyes merged into a cute and confused pout.

"Me? What did I do? I'm sorry." Jackson was quick to apologise, already leaning forward to cup Jinyoung's face and pepper it with kisses.

Jinyoung was once again reminded how bad he was at languages, even his own native tongue he was terrible. He didn't know how else to say what was on his mind. Bitterly, he spat out, "Is that all I am to you? A friend?"

Jackson pulled back, his cute and confused pout back as he scanned Jinyoung's eyes. "What? What makes you think that?"

"That's what you told your parents." Jinyoung didn't like how attentive Jackson's eyes were. He wanted to play the angry, bitter and petty card but the longer Jackson stared at him, the more likely he'd play his real card. The worried, ashamed and sad card.

"Nyoungie, we were in public. We're idols, we have to be extremely careful now, you know that. Mum and dad know we're dating, they kept saying embarrassing shit to me in Cantonese. Stuff like how in love we seem, how I gave you my food, sappy stuff. Of course, I'd tell them we're dating. You're the first person I've ever loved enough to introduce my parents to! If we weren't idols, I'd be screaming you're my boyfriend every two seconds."

Jinyoung squirmed. Maybe he was too caught up in himself to think of their new public status and how anyone could have heard. "Sorry," He mumbled out, ashamed with how stupid he was. He was the one constantly telling Jackson to be careful but look at how he acted tonight.

Jackson grinned evilly and it made Jinyoung want to hide. The vocalist rolled away from Jackson who was slowly creeping upon him with a shit-eating grin.

"Nyoungie," He called out softly, caging Jinyoung by throwing a leg over his waist and cupping his face.

"Stop," The Korean protested weakly, throwing in an extreme pout that he knew Jackson was weak for.

"You know I love you." Jinyoung squinted his eyes, wanting to see where Jackson was going with this. "And I know you love me. And now that you know my parents love you almost as much as I love you."

"They liked me?" Jinyoung's eyes widened at the thought he had actually managed to impress Jackson's parents while he was stuck in his own world. It seemed that all his worries and nerves all day had been for nothing.

"Why do you sound so surprised? You know how charming you are," Jackson scoffed before leaning to hover his lips over Jinyoung's lips. "Now, back to what I was trying to say -"

"Only trying because you take forever to get to a point."

" - Do you want to meet my brother and sister-in-law now?"

"What?" Jinyoung nearly shrieked. He pushed Jackson off him and sat up. "I could barely string together a sentence in English tonight and you want me to meet your brother and his wife who  _ live _ in an  _ English  _ speaking country?! I need Mark hyung!" 

Jinyoung rushed out of the room, already begging Mark for some English lessons while Jackson fell back on his bed, laughing. Jinyoung scowled at how he could hear Jackson's loud cackles over Mark's insistence that he doesn't need English lessons.

 

**•••**

 

Jackson was blonde. The light hair made the older look even more sun-kissed. Even more handsome.

Jinyoung was trying to read his book but the blonde halo on Jackson's hair just distracted him. He peered over the edge of his book, eyes focusing on every pore, every line and every bit of blonde on Jackson's head. Jackson had his eyebrows furrowed together as he focused on his phone, tapping out what was probably another email for another photoshoot or show. His eyes darted quickly across his screen, stopping for a few seconds every now and then. His lips were pursued out, twitching every other moment to mouth out a word before he typed. He was still nervous about typing Korean, Jinyoung found that cute. 

By this point, Jinyoung's book was flat on his face, covering everything from his nose under so Jackson couldn't see the dazed smile the boy lying on his lap had. Jinyoung curled the edges of the book with hands slightly as he saw Jackson running a hand through his shiny, golden but white (maybe the colour was vanilla) locks. Who knew that bleached hair could be such a turn on?

"Hey, what time do we have to leave?"

"Huh?" Jinyoung blinked up at Jackson who still staring at his phone. Jinyoung felt his ears start to burn and he lifted the book back over his face. "I can't remember."

Jackson tore his gaze from his phone to Jinyoung who hid behind his book. Jackson took the book away, pinching Jinyoung's nose slightly which the younger wrinkled his nose back in response. "Maybe if you didn't stare at me, you would remember."

Jinyoung's blush grew from ears to his cheeks. He wasn't shy at the fact he was staring at Jackson, just the fact he had been caught.

"I know my head is huge but come on," Jackson teased further.

"Your head isn't huge," Jinyoung pouted at Jackson's words. Did the older not know how beautiful his face alone was? Especially since he dyed his hair? "I was staring because you're beautiful."

Jackson blushed at that, letting a sound that was between a scream and a squeal.

"Do you not think you're beautiful?"

"I mean,  _ you  _ think I'm beautiful and that's all that really matters to me," Jackson shrugged, dismissing the topic as he went back on his phone again.

Jinyoung frowned. How could Jackson not see how handsome, how beautiful, how captivating he was? Jinyoung wasn't the only person in the world who was stunned by his visuals. In fact, the younger is sure that if he went to social media, he'd find all their fans screaming over Jackson. He had to take action, he had to make sure Jackson believed he was beautiful. He sat up, moving to straddle Jackson and taking his phone away. He watched how the older furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as he looked up at Jinyoung. "That's not all that matters to me. Sseun-ah, you need to know you're beautiful too."

Jackson flushed. He buried his face into Jinyoung's neck, his hands balling up the material of Jinyoung's shirt on his back. Jinyoung placed his own hands on the top of Jackson's nape.

"Seriously, tell yourself you're beautiful. Right now. Tell yourself that you have the best body I've ever seen and that your face is ethereal, god worthy beautiful and that the blonde hair makes you even more handsome. Do it."

"Stop," came Jackson's mumbled reply against his skin.

"No. Be the confident guy you make out to be. I want you to see yourself as I do. You're amazing and so so much better than what I deserve. You're my blessing and I just want you to see that."

"What if I forget to see it sometimes?" Jackson asked softly after some silence.

Jinyoung tugged Jackson's face out of its hiding place. He cupped the rapper's face, leaning down to whisper against his lips. "Then I'll remind you if you ever forget."

"Jinyoungie hyung, it's yours and Jack- oh my god, they're making out again!" Yugyeom cried out loudly as he ran out of the room, making more noise than he made coming in.

"We weren't kissing yet, you idiot!" Jinyoung yelled after him. He quickly turned back to Jackson, giving him a quick peck. "I'll be back, handsome." Jinyoung moved off Jackson, running after their troublesome maknae. "Yugyeom, you're dead!"

 

**•••**

 

"Why do you keep talking about meat?" Jackson asked once the cameras moved off them.

Jackson was perched on Jinyoung's lap, eating his ice cream. Jinyoung could tell the Chinese man was upset but he couldn't stop himself. He was hurt. Too hurt. He didn't know what else to do. So he did what he did best. Be petty, stubborn and sarcastic as hell. He knew he shouldn't really be acting like that on camera but at least this way, Jackson couldn't really react the way he would have wanted to.

"It's nothing," Jinyoung shrugged. He wrapped his arms around Jackson's waist to pull the older against him. Jinyoung rested his forehead on Jackson's back, silently enjoying the warmth Jackson always emitted.

"Jinyoung, if you're feeling insecure or anything like that, you don't need to. No one else tempts me like you, okay? Talk to me. I'll listen to you and reassure you." Jackson was whispering and a hand had dropped from holding his ice cream spoon to stroke Jinyoung's clasped ones against his stomach.

"I am talking to you. It's nothing." Jinyoung bit his inner cheek. It was nothing. Right? Sure, Jinyoung was a  _ little  _ fixated on the fact Jackson treated BamBam to meat more than once. Jinyoung had never gone to have meat with Jackson and they had been dating for three years. It wasn't even the fact that Jackson took BamBam or that they ate meat. It was the fact that Jackson knew Jinyoung wanted to go out and eat with Jackson alone. A way to have a date nowadays which was becoming rarer. And the noodles weren't really a meal.

Okay, so maybe it was something. But Jinyoung could figure it out by himself. 

When they got home after their show, Jinyoung dragged Jackson to his room. He just wanted to spend time with Jackson without anyone around. Maybe it was to make up for bringing up the whole meat thing again. Maybe it was nothing like that.

"Hold on, I need to go water my plant." Jackson shook Jinyoung's hand off his and turned around to  _ water his plant _ .

What the hell? He could have watered his plant later. Jinyoung rolled his eyes and stormed to his room. He ignored BamBam asking if he wanted to watch a movie together and when Yugyeom asked him if he had time to help the younger with his literature homework, Jinyoung responded with "It's fucking literature, just read a fucking book for once."

Jinyoung slammed his door shut, locking it and closing the curtain. He didn't even know why he was so mad. All Jackson wanted to do was water his plant. Why did that even annoy Jinyoung?

Jinyoung let out a frustrated groan as he punched his pillow. He punched it a few more times before he fell face-first onto his bed. He didn't even know why he felt like crying. Was he seriously that frustrated over Jackson watering his plant? But it wasn't even that. Jackson had changed plans with Jinyoung before to spend time with his friends or to go eat meat with BamBam. Jinyoung wondered if Jackson was still treating him like a  _ friend  _ like he told his parents.

Okay, so maybe Jinyoung could be jealous. But he knew he didn't have to be. Jackson was literally reassuring him every possible second off-screen. Or maybe he was only reassuring Jinyoung because the younger would cling to the older, seeking comfort. Unless Jackson thought it was attention he seeked and he was done with Jinyoung being clingy. Maybe Jinyoung was just overthinking everything because he could never express his emotions as well as Jackson. 

A knock on the door interrupted his spiral of thoughts. He thought about answering it but then decided that he didn't want to talk to anyone until he figured out what these emotions were.

"Jinyoungie, let me in," Jackson knocked again before trying to turn the handle.

Jinyoung was stubborn. He knew it. That's why he didn't let Jackson in. He didn't want Jackson to see him angry and jealous over nothing.

"Jinyoung. If you don't let me in, I'm going to find the spare key."

Jinyoung was also a bit stupid in his stubbornness. He had forgotten that they kept a spare key to every room in the kitchen in case it was ever needed. Jinyoung let out an annoyed huff before he reluctantly made his way to unlock the door. The second it was unlocked, he turned away, aiming to go back to his bed to wallow in self-pity. He didn't get to do that, however, as Jackson grabbed his hand and pulled him back.

"What's wrong, babe? Yugyeom said you yelled at him and Bam said you were grumpy." Jackson tried to get Jinyoung to face him but the younger wasn't moving. Jinyoung felt Jackson slide an arm around his waist, dipping under his shirt to soothingly stroke Jinyoung's stomach. The rapper stepped forward, leaving little space between them as he kissed the back of Jinyoung's head. "Are you not feeling well? Too tired from today's show?"

Every part of Jinyoung wanted to lean back against Jackson's chest, soak up the warmth the older always gave him and just forget about everything. But Jinyoung was petty, he knew he was and he couldn't let himself do what he wanted to do. He pulled Jackson's hand out of his shirt and moved to sit in front of his bookshelf. Maybe the silent treatment was a bit dramatic but Jinyoung didn't know what he would say to Jackson so maybe it was better he kept quiet.

"Boo, what's up?" Jackson tried again and sat next to Jinyoung, wrapping an arm around his shoulders which Jinyoung immediately shrugged off. "Are your muscles hurting? Do you need a massage? Have you eaten? Should I get some noodles?"

"Why don't you offer to get me meat?" There it was, Jinyoung's jealousy had made its entrance wrapped in pettiness and harsh words.

"Well, if you're feeling ill, meat isn't good for you."

Jinyoung scoffed and stood up. He ignored Jackson's confused looks. "I suppose BamBam gets meat when he's not well."

"Is that what this is about? Me taking Bam for meat?" Jackson asked incredulously as he stood up, stepping towards Jinyoung but was pushed back. "Are you jealous?"

"Yes, I am! We've known each other for four, maybe five years and you've never brought me meat once!"

"Jinyoung, are you seriously jealous over BamBam?"

"It's not BamBam! It's the principle! You didn't take your boyfriend to have meat but you took your friend. Do you not see what you did wrong?"

"Did wrong? Jinyoung, I didn't do anything wrong."

"Yeah, you did. This whole thing is wrong. You tell me  _ it's nothing, I'll take you to meat  _ on camera but when we're home, it's  _ my plant needs to be looked after  _ or  _ I said I'd help Yugyeom with his maths _ . You only spend time with me on camera! Am I only your friend on screen?"

"That's because  _ you  _ don't spend time with me on screen!"

"What does that even mean?!"

They were both yelling now. Raised voices and harsh looks as their chests heaved. Jinyoung had his arms crossed as he glared heavily at Jackson.

"I don't understand you! You hardly spend any time with me on screen, worried that people will make comments or will find out! But you're more than happy to be jealous on  _ fucking camera _ ! I've listened to you, I kept it casual and friendly when we needed to. All because  _ you _ were worried. Because _ you _ were scared. Sure, you had reason to be but that doesn't mean you should act like we're enemies! Jesus, Jinyoung, how am I meant to keep up with you acting jealous and cold on set or backstage but the second we're home, you're all over me, begging for cuddles?! I can't. I can't keep up. I can't do this hot and cold. I get it, you want to be careful. But, goddamn it, your  _ careful _ doesn't fucking make sense! I don't know where the line is with you! What's too much while we're working? What's not too much? Do you even love me anymore?" Jackson had his fists clenched at his sides. His chest was heaving as he gained back his breath from the yelling. His face was dripping annoyance, anger and frustration. His eyebrows pinched together as he looked at Jinyoung as if the younger was a difficult physics question.

Maybe Jinyoung was that difficult. Maybe Jinyoung was more frustrated, more annoyed, more angry and, most of all, more hurt. He couldn't believe Jackson was doubting his feelings for him. His love for Jackson. Isn't that why he was feeling such ugly feelings to begin with? Because his love made him jealous? His heart was slowly cracking and Jinyoung felt every single piece shatter inside of him.

Jinyoung couldn't even bring himself to raise his voice as he sternly told Jackson to get out.

"What?" Jackson's expression quickly merged into one of confusion and pain, if Jinyoung's eyes weren't lying.

"I said get out," Jinyoung repeated with the same sternness, the same coldness and the same cutting edge that stabbed both of their hearts.

"You don't mean that." Jackson took a step forward, his arms instinctively going up to reach for Jinyoung.

Jinyoung pushed his arms away, stepping back. "Stop. I said get out." 

"Jinyoung, -"

"I SAID GET OUT!" Jinyoung finally yelled and he felt his eyes water. This is why he didn't want to yell. This is why he couldn't see Jackson as the tears blurred his vision. He couldn't see Jackson's pained face and his hurt demeanour. He didn't want to see that. Jackson was frozen in his place so Jinyoung grabbed his arm. He dragged the older, shoving him out the door and into the maknaes' room. He slammed the door shut behind him, locking it once again.

Jackson doubted Jinyoung's love. He doubted that Jinyoung still wanted him. Jinyoung didn't know how he came to that conclusion. Did Jackson really see his coldness on screen as an accurate picture of Jinyoung? But he wasn't always cold. Or maybe Jinyoung was actually that emotionless. Maybe that's why people didn't like him a lot. Maybe that's why fans doubted whether or not he liked the other members. Maybe Jinyoung was just an ugly human, to begin with. How could Jackson love him? It was so clear that Jackson would break up with him.

He let out a loud sob, dropping to his knees in the middle of his room. Tears were finally freed from their cages and they didn't plan to go back as they ran and ran down Jinyoung's plump face. His heart hurt so bad, it had taken over every millimetre of his entire body. The pain shocked throughout his body, making him curl up in a ball on his rug. He hugged himself tighter as his body was shaking as he cried. He always hated crying in front of people since he thought he was a terrible crier - he now thought that this was the worst he could ever look while crying.

"Jirongie? Jinyoung?"

Jaebeom had entered his room at some point and his hands were all over the ball that Jinyoung had become. He rubbed the younger's back, trying to soothe him. When it looked like Jinyoung wasn't going to stop any time soon, he lifted the younger up and tucked him into his bed.

Jaebeom lifted the covers over Jinyoung, watching how the vocalist immediately grabbed a pillow and shoved his face into it. Jinyoung suddenly flung that exact pillow away merely seconds after clinging onto it.

"It smells like him," Jinyoung tried to explain to Jaebeom who was standing with the pillow in his hands and a confused look.

"Oh," Jaebeom muttered stupidly before placing the said pillow on the floor. He sat on the edge of the bed, hand stroking Jinyoung's hair back. "What happened? Jackson is crying in his room. You're crying in your room. BamBam and Yugyeom said you were angry earlier."

"Jackson wants to break up with me." Jinyoung's heart literally felt like it was about to go into shock any second now. He turned away from Jaebeom and hid his face into his pillow, the one that didn't smell like Jackson.

"What the hell are you on about? He wouldn't do that. He's too in love with you." Jaebeom continued to stroke Jinyoung's head and his other hand smoothed it's way up and down Jinyoung's back in a comforting manner.

"You don't get it, hyung. He asked me if I still loved him. He said he can't do this, said he doesn't understand me." Jinyoung choked out a sob and turned to muffle his painful sounds in his pillow. He vaguely noticed Jaebeom slipping under the covers and hugging him tightly. Jinyoung gripped onto his tee shirt as he buried his face into Jaebeom's chest to hide his tears.

"You two have been together for three years. You both know you're in love with each other. You two don't end here, it's not fair to either of you. Just talk to him, Jirongie. Trust me," Jaebeom hummed softly and Jinyoung barely managed to shake his head in protest. Jaebeom only tightened his arms, letting the younger soak his tee-shirt. Jinyoung fell asleep to the sound of his brother singing him a lullaby and tears still flowing.

 

**•••**

 

Things hadn't gotten any better since that night. Jinyoung was avoiding Jackson. He got up early and went to the studio early to practice. He got home late and locked his room as soon as. He clung more to Jaebeom and Mark as they didn't force him to speak about what had happened, whether he was going to speak to Jackson, why he thought Jackson was going to break up with him. No, they let him be. They gave him a hug when he needed it and sat with him when he wanted company. Youngjae helped Jinyoung stayed distracted. He often asked the older to join him to the studio to practice his vocals, tag along to vocal lessons and to help him learn the choreography one last time, every time. Jinyoung apologised to Yugyeom and BamBam. The maknaes had even offered to help ward off Jackson from going to his room - not that it actually worked since he had heard Jackson knocking and falling asleep outside his door many times. Jinyoung often went out to drape a spare blanket over the older. He wouldn't have done it if he didn't stay up crying himself to sleep. The worst bit was he knew that they were ruining the group's teamwork and bond. Jackson was spending more time with BamBam and Yugyeom while Jinyoung stayed close with Mark, Jaebeom and Youngjae. He often asked about Jackson to Mark in case the Chinese man wasn't okay but Jinyoung didn't see a reason for him not to be. Every time he asked, Mark told him to speak to Jackson but Jinyoung couldn't bring himself to be seated next to him let alone talk to him.

Even now, Jinyoung was begging Jaebeom to tell the directors he had a sore throat just so he didn't have to talk to Jackson. Shooting Real GOT7 season three was a lot harder when Jinyoung was trying to avoid Jackson. 

"Just talk to him," Jaebeom sighed, shrugging off a whiney Jinyoung from his shoulder.

"Hyungie, please!" Jinyoung whined as he grabbed Jaebeom's arm, swinging it.

"Stop." Jaebeom removed his hands off his arm and looked directly at Jinyoung. "If you just talk to him, you wouldn't have to keep faking a cold."

"I'm not faking it." To emphasise his point, Jinyoung coughed over Jaebeom's face.

The older grimaced as he pushed Jinyoung away. "You're actually nasty."

"If you just tell them that my throat hurts, I'll interact with Jackson on screen." Jinyoung bargained. He knew he was petty and that no one would actually win against him.

Jaebeom narrowed his eyes at Jinyoung, trying to find the hidden trick in his words. "You'll _ willingly _ interact with Jackson?"

"Yes but it won't be much since, you know, my throat hurts." Jinyoung winced as he touched his throat. Even he was marvelling at his acting skills.

"You know, no one actually believes that," Jaebeom scoffed and Jinyoung knew he had won over his hyung.

"Yugyeom believes it. He's been leaving warm honey in chamomile tea outside my door every night." Jinyoung found it cute how his youngest maknae left him tea every night since he had started this charade and how Yugyeom continued to deny it. He knew for a fact that it was Yugyeom because of BamBam's eye roll when the younger denied it.

"Right, Yugyeom's been giving you the tea. You're so stubborn that it actually works against you sometimes."

Jinyoung rolled his eyes at Jaebeom's wisdom. He was about to make a witty comeback when he saw Jackson walk into the dressing room with Mark beside him. Jinyoung immediately coughed, pushing the act so his throat burned and his eyes watered. He closed his eyes halfway through the fit and once he was done, he snuggled against Jaebeom, leaning on his shoulder to feign tiredness.

"He's still sick?" He heard Jackson ask and Jinyoung wondered why Jackson still cared. Then he remembered that they were bandmates, Jinyoung's health affected their overall performance. Of course, Jackson cared about that.

"Looks like it." Jaebeom patted Jinyoung's head not so gently and Jinyoung wanted to call him out. "I think the sore throat is persistent."

"But he's been drinking the tea, right?" Did Yugyeom tell him about the tea? "I even put extra honey in it last night." Oh, it was Jackson that had been giving the tea.

Jinyoung tried his best not to frown in confusion as he secretly listened to his hyungs' conversation. It itched at him like a rash to know why Jackson was giving him tea when the older wanted to break up with Jinyoung when Jinyoung had been ignoring him for weeks now.

"Maybe it's his tonsils," Mark chimed in. "Maybe he needs surgery."

"Oh my god, no." Hands landed on his head, stroking the raven locks endearingly. "He doesn't need surgery. I'll cry if they make him have surgery."

"You're so dramatic." Jaebeom's arm stretched around Jinyoung's shoulders and pulled the younger in more. The way Jaebeom usually communicated through actions. Right now, he was lecturing Jinyoung -  _ see why you need to talk to him? He still loves you, idiot _ . If only Jinyoung believed him.

"Anyway, let's get ready. I think Yugyeom is today's MC."

And talk of the devil. Yugyeom came cackling in laughter into the room with Youngjae's booming laugh as the bass and BamBam's whiny protests. If Jinyoung was actually sick, it would because of them.

"Yah, be quiet! Jinyoung is still ill," Jackson told them off sternly and Jinyoung could hear the armrest beside him squeaking as someone sat down.

"Still? Damn, what does he have? Is it contagious?" Jinyoung was going to kill Yugyeom one day.

"Can he do today's shoot? It's extra-long today." Youngjae was a sweetheart.

"He's probably going to be clingy all day," BamBam groaned. "Jackson hyung, make up with him so he doesn't cling to me."

Jackson sighed. "He's not going to-"

Jinyoung couldn't take it anymore. It was too weird to be listening to a conversation about him. He stretched slightly, faking himself waking up and he noticed Jackson moving away to stand next to Youngjae. He opened his eyes, blinking carefully as he looked around the room blearily.

"Why are you all looking at me?" Jinyoung rasped out.

"Hyung, you've been sick for a week now. Do you need to see a doctor?" Youngjae asked, leaning forward to place a hand on Jinyoung's forehead but the older pushed it away with a frown. He wasn't going to be caught out by Choi Youngjae of all people. Even if he hates seeing Youngjae pout.

"Come on, guys. We're shooting two episodes today." Jaebeom clapped his hands and Jinyoung shot him a glare.

Clothes changed and makeup on, Jinyoung was standing on set with the others in a line. Jackson was on the opposite end and that's when Jinyoung realised that Jackson would avoid him unless Jinyoung told him otherwise.

They sat down for the first bit and Jinyoung clung to Mark. He leaned on the older, wrapped his arms around him and just tried to find comfort in his big brother. Mark let him, obviously thinking that Jinyoung's cold was taking a toll on him when, in fact, it was just Jinyoung gathering up his guts. He didn't know what to do so that he would interact with Jackson like he promised Jaebeom. He could stand next to him but would that even count?

They all moved onto the next segment and Jinyoung decided that standing next to Jackson would have to count. Jinyoung stood beside Jackson, making the older last of their line. He saw how Jackson froze in his spot when the vocalist took a step closer to him, lightly invading his personal space.

"Jinyoung, what are you doing?" Jackson whispered as he frantically looked around the room, trying to not draw attention to them as it would interrupt their shooting.

Jinyoung didn't answer. He turned around, giving a slight pout that he knew Jackson was weak for. He nudged the older's right shoulder before turning back around and focusing. Out of habit, he moved his arms behind his back and clasped his wrist. He placed a thumb over his pulse point and started to mentally count along with it to calm down. He was nervous. That small interaction was the only conscious interaction the couple had had in weeks. Jinyoung felt panicked in case Jackson didn't respond. In case Jackson didn't want Jinyoung to interact with him. Jinyoung wanted to go home and crawl under his duvet and just  _ cry _ .

He felt two arms enclose around his shoulders. Jackson's right arm sat on his right shoulder and came across his chest to hold Jackson's left arm that had curved around his middle. Jackson stepped closer, his chest just shy of Jinyoung's back and Jinyoung realised just how much he  _ missed _ Jackson. Jackson and his overheated body. Jackson and his heavy but soft touches. Just  _ Jackson _ . God, how did Jinyoung let it get this bad?

"Is this okay?" Jackson whispered, his chin hovering over the vocalist's left shoulder hesitantly.

Jinyoung couldn't bring himself to speak. His throat felt dry. Maybe he was actually getting sick now. He nodded carefully but the way his hands grabbed onto the front of Jackson's shirt to bring him closer showed his desperation. He grabbed the hem of Jackson's red and white striped shirt, making the Chinese man stumble and be flushed to his back. He nearly let out a noise of appreciation as he felt Jackson's body heat seep through the shirt and when Jackson tightened his arms slightly. Jackson kissed Jinyoung's shoulder quickly as the camera moved to focus on all seven of them. He felt Jackson move his head around, undecided on where to place it. Not that it mattered since the next task had them separating and working separately. For the rest of the shooting, they didn't go near each other at all. Jinyoung stuck to BamBam and Mark, clinging to hide his shame. He had reached out to Jackson only to torture himself again as Jackson seemed to not pay any attention to him. It was clear that Jinyoung shouldn't have done what he did.

Jaebeom won the overall tasks and so chose Mark to share his food with. While Jackson and Jinyoung drew for second place, leaving them to eat on one end of the table. Jinyoung took his seat and sulked a little as Jackson went offset to prolong sitting down next to him. He knows he started the whole 'ignoring each other' thing but he was sick of it, sick of pretending to be ill and sick of missing Jackson.

The younger twirled his noodles around, not really paying much attention to anything around him. He ate a piece of chicken, chewing slowly as he wished Jackson to be next to him again. He was such an idiot for letting their argument escalate like this. Maybe he should have spoken to Jackson the day after, or even before that. Maybe he shouldn't have kicked Jackson out of his room. If he did, then he would have been able to clear this awkward stage that they were in. It was clear that the two still had feelings for each other and maybe Jinyoung still thought that Jackson would break up with him. But maybe Jinyoung was wrong. Maybe it was his insecurities that triggered his jealousy and made him think such things. Maybe if he just communicated with Jackson, they wouldn't be messing up the group's bond. Maybe he wanted Jackson to reassure him and his insecurities rather than arguing over them. Maybe Jinyoung had to admit he had those insecurities aloud.

Jinyoung suddenly had a massive tickle in his throat. He pushed his chair back, moving to stand away from the food as he coughed violently. He felt his eyes water and his throat scratch. He really was getting sick. Karma really had an ordeal against him.

A warm hand rubbed his back, trying to help him but Jinyoung just shrugged the hand off. It wasn't helping. 

His coughing fit finally died out. He straightened up and turned back to find the other boys looking at him concerned. Jaebeom had his eyebrows furrowed as if he wasn't sure if Jinyoung was faking it anymore. Jinyoung tried not to notice how Jackson was hovering by his side, a cup of hot water in his hand.

"I'm fine," Jinyoung told them in a wheeze. He moved to go sit down, ignoring the gazes from the others.

"I got you some cough medicine," Jackson informed the younger as he took his seat again, moving a bottle to stand next to the hot water he placed in front of the younger. "It should help."

Jinyoung nodded and went back to trying to eat his food without coughing his guts up again.

Jinyoung went straight to his bedroom when they all got home from the schedule. He felt worn out and ready to crash out on his bed. He managed to change into his pyjamas but couldn't be bothered to do anything else. So he crawled into bed and hoped that this terrible day would soon pass.

Jinyoung woke up feverishly as he felt his stomach swirl uncomfortably. He pried the many blankets off him and dashed to the bathroom. He didn't want to puke in his room. Luckily, he made it just it time as he emptied his stomach. In his strained state, he mentally thanked BamBam for never putting the toilet seat down. 

His throat burned, his mouth tasted disgustingly moist and his stomach churned. This was karma for acting sick and Jinyoung knew he deserved it. He was already emotionally and mentally drained and now he was physically drained. Fun times (!)

He rested his sweaty forehead against his forearm that slung across the toilet while his left hand tried to calm the constant waves crashing in his stomach. He closed his eyes, thinking that he should just camp out by the toilet all night when some cold water touched his lips. He frowned, moving back from it.

"Jinyoungie, you just got to rinse your mouth." A warm hand pushed Jinyoung's thudding head back towards the cup of water.

Jinyoung refused, clamping his lips together and squeezing his eyes as another roll of nausea hit him.

"Nyoungie, come on." Jinyoung must be delirious with his fever as he was sure that Jackson wasn't with him right now. It was probably Jaebeom. But Jaebeom never calls him  _ Nyoungie _ ?

Apparently that confusion was enough to trigger more vomiting and Jinyoung felt his eyes water at the sheer intensity pulling at his stomach muscles. He was regretting everything he had done - even stealing the chocolate that his deskmate was given on Valentine's Day in third grade. But most of all, he regretted pushing Jackson away that night. If only he had sat down and talked to him, communication was key - he  _ knew  _ that from all his books and movies.

"You're okay, you're okay," The person who Jinyoung believed to be Jaebeom muttered lowly as they rubbed Jinyoung's back and pushed his hair out of his face.

Jinyoung finally stopped, his stomach somehow settling and he slumped away from the toilet, appreciating the coldness of the floor tiles. He blinked his eyes open, finding Jackson wiping his mouth with a tissue as he sat in an Asian squat. His eyes were trained on Jinyoung, his dark eyebrows furrowed as he cleaned up after the younger. He raised the glass up, holding Jinyoung straight as he rinsed his mouth and spat in the toilet. His hand kept stroking Jinyoung's hair back and his back in warm circles and the vocalist couldn't figure out why. He had hurt Jackson, pushed him away due to his own insecurities. Yet, here he was at 2 am, sick on the bathroom floor with Jackson looking after him. Jinyoung was too sick to try to understand things so he just watched Jackson take the glass away, flush the toilet and lift him up. His eyes were heavy but he tried to focus on Jackson who hadn't said a word since he started to walk out of the bathroom and back to Jinyoung's room. His body was starting to find Jackson's warmth too comforting as his body slowly started to fall asleep. Jackson gently placed him back in bed before he did fully fall asleep but Jinyoung wasn't keen to let him go again just yet. He grabbed onto Jackson's shirt, holding the older near as he looked up to find Jackson already looking at him.

"I'm sorry, Sseunie," Jinyoung whispered hoarsely, his fingers curling up more into the black muscle tee.

"Why are you sorry?  _ I'm _ sorry, Nyoungie," Jackson responded with another eyebrow furrow and his lips turned downwards. He stroked Jinyoung's temple softly and Jinyoung realised just how much he missed those rough fingers on him. "Besides, none of that matters right now. I need to get you a wet towel, it'll help bring the fever down."

Jinyoung pouted, he always hated being sick and the remedies weren't the most pleasant in his eyes. "Don't leave me."

"I'll be back. I'm always going to come back to you." Jackson sealed his words with a soft kiss that Jinyoung felt through his hair before the fever overtook.

When Jinyoung opened his eyes several hours later, he felt like he needed to sleep for another 50 years. He was thankful he didn't have a schedule for the next two days and he briefly remembered talking to Jackson last night. He hoped he didn't say anything stupid in his state. He was pretty sure that he had managed to apologise like Jackson which gave him some chances to regaining his relationship.

He turned to his side, finding Jaebeom on his beanbag reading a book - it looked like Jinyoung's battered copy of Breakfast At Tiffany's. He lazily watched Jaebeom until the older turned his head, making a soft sound as he put down the book and came to check on Jinyoung.

"How are you feeling? Jackson said you were bad last night." Jaebeom checked the younger's forehead, making another sound as he removed the damp towel.

"I'm sorry for making you lie." Jinyoung's voice was dry and scratchy, probably a side effect from the vomiting. 

"Nonsense," Jaebeom muttered, stroking the dark hair as he settled next to Jinyoung.

"Where's Sseunie?"

"He couldn't get out of his schedule. He was late to it anyway, but he said he'll be back as soon as possible. He called on his break about 10 minutes ago. Did you guys make up?"

"I don't know. We said sorry but that's it." Jinyoung curled into himself slightly, subtly sniffing his pillow and wishing it smelt like Jackson.

"He said you guys did, that it's all in the past and was stupid, to begin with. He also left you one of his hoodies in case you got cold." Jaebeom had a small smirk on his face and if Jinyoung was well enough, he'd wipe the smirk off.

"I'm cold," Jinyoung pouted, burrowing under the blanket to help his act.

"Of course you are." Jaebeom rolled his eyes but still gave him the jacket.

It was black and oversized, Jinyoung remembered that they shared their first kiss when Jackson was wearing the said hoodie. He shrugged the jacket on, basking in the warmth and smell that was so  _ Jackson _ . 

"Now, how are you feeling?" Jaebeom poked his cheek, trying to get Jinyoung to respond to him.

"Okay, I guess? I think I could sleep for another couple of hours but I should be fine again in a day."

"You can't sleep for any longer! Jackson said you'd been asleep for nearly 12 hours."

"Maybe I just need a lot of rest. Now, please, let me sleep." Jinyoung didn't wait for Jaebeom's reply as he turned away to snuggle into his blanket with the black hood over his head. He closed his eyes again and within seconds, his body found the rest he needed.

The next time Jinyoung woke up, someone was singing softly and stroking his head. Jinyoung instantly recognised the husky voice to be Jackson's. He carefully opened his eyes to find the rapper laying beside him.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Jackson whispered, his hand falling from the dark locks to Jinyoung's plump cheek. His thumb stroked the tender skin, tracing the edges of his eye.

"Tired," Jinyoung rasped out honestly. His throat hurt like hell and his body ached so much, he felt like never moving. 

"You should try to eat before you sleep again." Jackson's eyes were wide and darting around the younger's face, the brown irises looked to be woeful and anguished. "Maybe we could talk a bit as well?"

Jinyoung nodded, he wanted to talk. He wanted to know where they stood now, whether or not they could date again. He wanted to be with Jackson again.

"Okay, we'll talk now." Jackson nodded and took a deep breath as if to steady his thoughts. "I'm sorry for what I said. I know you love me and I knew you were jealous. I should have been more respectful, I should have reassured you and shared what I had been feeling too. I shouldn't have bottled it up because it all came out wrong. I said before don't be too cold but you have been. You've rarely been close to me. On-screen, we're hardly together because you're always with Jaebeom hyung. I get it, it's probably a lot safer that way. But then, we come home and I want to cuddle you and all that but when you've barely spoken to me all day, it makes me feel distant from you. I know that's not your intention but I can't help how I feel. I can see how what I meant wasn't what I said. I love you, Nyoungie, and I know you would've understood."

Jinyoung pouted heavily, his hand coming up to wipe away a stray tear on Jackson's cheek. He cradled Jackson's cheek, shuffling closer. "I had no idea I was being like that. I didn't even think if I was being cold. For me, I'm used to being with Jaebeommie hyung for stuff like this because of JJP and I think I forget that others are here as well." Jinyoung's voice was hoarse but he pushed himself to continue speaking. "I didn't mean to be like that but maybe that's just who I am. I'm sorry I'm like that, a petty and jealous person. And I'm sorry I got jealous over you treating BamBam to meat. I'm sorry that I'm not what you want, that I'm too much for you."

"Nyoungie, you are what I want. Even if you do get jealous or petty of simple things, I don't mind it because it means you care about me, even if you don't know how to show it. You're probably overthinking stuff and feeding into your insecurities. I know you, Nyoungie, don't let yourself fall to your demons. You're a star, you know that, right? All of this, it just makes me love you more."

"Even if I'm too cold and distant?"

"I'll just keep giving you my hoodies to wear so you're not cold and I'll always be in your space so you can't be distant."

Jinyoung smiled tiredly. "You do that." He slid his hand down from Jackson's cheek to throw over his chest before snuggling close. "Are we dating again?"

Jackson let out a huff of air before his arms wrapped around Jinyoung's waist. "We never stopped dating." He stuck his hands under Jinyoung's hoodie, squeezing the younger as if he was scared he'd lose him again. "Now, I know I said you should eat but I haven't slept for, like, a week and I'm really tired so can we nap?"

Jinyoung giggled softly as he ducked his head into the crook of Jackson's neck, trying to subtly smell that scent he had missed so much. "Let's sleep," He affirmed as he listened to the sound of Jackson falling asleep and snoring away.

A short while later, his door opened but Jinyoung couldn't be bothered to lift his head up and see who it was. He was enjoying Jackson's warm embrace and loud snores after being away from it for too long.

He heard two pair of footsteps that stopped near his bed. And then, "Thank fucking god. You know Jacks hasn't slept one bit. His tossing and turning were so annoying!" 

Jinyoung wanted to laugh at Mark's complaints but Jaebeom's comment made him ready to fight. 

"At least you didn't have to deal with someone purposely coughing on you." 

 

**•••**

 

 

Jinyoung hated sports.  _ Hated _ . Almost despised them. He found no use in them, it was just extra energy. Unlike him, his boyfriend loved them. Jackson claimed that sports is the only thing he's good at out of the members and, well, he's not wrong. That didn't stop Jinyoung from trying his best, however. He hated losing more than he hated sports. And when Jackson gave him a congratulatory kiss when he got into the top three? Well, that was just a bonus. However, right now, he expected more than a kiss.

Jinyoung cradled his right wrist, wincing at how purple it already looked. Maybe they shouldn't make them run into a wall. Or maybe Jinyoung should have actually learnt how to be good at sports.

He had a few of the other runners looking after him. Jimin, from BTS and a great friend of Jackson, was by his side in an instant.

"Hyung, are you okay?" Jimin leaned over to look at the older's wrist and hissed when he saw it. "You should see the medics, come on."

"Wait, don't you have to go archery?" Jinyoung haltered in his steps and Jimin shrugged, wrapping an arm around his delicate waist.

"It's okay if I'm late. Yoongi hyung loves me too much to scold me." Jimin smiled widely and Jinyoung let out a small scoff at his confidence.

"So, when's your next comeback?"

"Part 2 to Most Beautiful Moments in Life is expected in around November, I think. Namjoonie hyung is still working on it."

"I think our comeback might be at similar times. We've got one in late autumn too!" Jinyoung loved it when he saw his friends behind the stages at MNet or Music Bank. He rarely had time to catch up with them so he took whatever moment he could.

"I really hope so. I miss dancing with Jaebeom hyung," Jimin laughed as he steered Jinyoung to the medics. "I'll send someone back to you so you're not alone, Jinyoung hyung."

"Oh, no. I'm okay, Jimin," Jinyoung assured him as he took a seat on the red chair, awaiting the attention from a medic.

"No, hyung, I can't just leave you here. Jackson hyung would never let me forget! I'll send whoever I can find, okay?"

"Fine, okay," Jinyoung relented. "Thank you." He waved Jimin off, laughing as the younger sprinted to the place where both their members were scattered about.

"Park Jinyoung?" The medic called, looking at the red chairs which were empty aside from Jinyoung.

"Here." Jinyoung stood up, walking over to the medic who led him to a gurney.

"You hurt your wrist?"

"Yes." Jinyoung outstretched his right arm and winced at the sight of it. "I ran into the padded wall."

"Ah," The medic hummed before reaching for his wrist and touching it.

Jinyoung bit his lip to hold in the pain and noticed Namjoon and Mark walking down the red chairs.

"Jinyoungie?" Mark called, reaching to where the younger sat on his gurney.

"Hey, guys," Jinyoung smiled as the two stood beside him. "Who did you leave with the kids?"

"Jinnie hyung and Hobi hyung," Namjoon answered, peering at Jinyoung's wrist. "What happened?"

"I ran into the wall awkwardly."

Mark frowned. "It looks like you broke it."

"It's not broken," The medic finally spoke. "But you will need to go to the hospital." Jinyoung grimaced.

"Mark hyung, I'll go back to the others and you can with Jinyoung." Namjoon decided quickly and Mark nodded, agreeing easily.

"I'll message our manager as well. Just let Jaebeom and Jackson know, yeah?"

"Will do, hyung," Namjoon nodded before he wished Jinyoung a steady recovery.

"It's not that big of a deal," Jinyoung told Mark as the two waited for their manager to arrive so they could head to the hospital. "It's not like it's broken or anything."

"Jinyoungie, you hurt your wrist. You can say how much it hurts," Mark told him with a soft smile as he ruffled the younger's hair.

"Hyung, it hurts that you messed up my hair." Jinyoung pouted at Mark who laughed in response before cooing at him and giving him a soft hug.

"Those nurses at the hospital are going to love you. I best get all the extra pudding they give you."

"Only if you help me break out when I need to."

"Deal."

The manager rushed up to them, already on the phone as he beckoned the two to follow him. He peered over at Jinyoung's wrist and gave him a small reassuring smile before continuing the conversation on the phone. They quickly got into the car and reached the hospital.

"Hyung, is it going to take long? I really don't want to be here for ages." Jinyoung tried not to his discomfort with hospitals but he knew Mark was already aware of his uneasiness.

"It shouldn't take long, Jinyoungie. I'll take you for meat afterwards." The older tried to ease the worries of his younger brother.

Jinyoung scoffed, a fond smile on his face as he asked, "Think Jackson will finally take me for meat as well?"

"I am  _ not _ dealing with that again!" Mark protested just in time for the nurses to come over and lead them to a private room.

The two were quiet as they let the nurses do their job. Mark stayed with Jinyoung when he had to get an x-ray and when the nurses sat him down to cast his arm.

Mark had been playing noughts and crosses on his phone with Jinyoung when the screen flashed with an incoming call from a particular _ J BEOM B-BOY _ . 

"I'll be back," Mark told Jinyoung as he answered the call and stepped out of the small room.

Jinyoung pouted, not wanting to be alone with the nurse. He didn't trust their smiling faces. Even when the nurse in front of him tried to make conversation about his latest comeback.

He waited for Mark to return but the American never did. He left the room with their manager close behind, signing the discharge paperwork and handing it off to the nurses.

"Jinyoung, you're not allowed to get your cast wet." His manager told him as the two walked out of the hospital and Jinyoung revelled in the ability to breathe unbleached air. "And your painkillers have to be taken with food."

"Where's Mark hyung gone?" Jinyoung asked, looking around in the carpark where their private car was meant to meet them.

"He went home. Something about Jaebeom threatening to kill Yugyeom." His manager waved down their car and helped Jinyoung in.

The drive home was uneventful, leaving Jinyoung to sulk by himself. His wrist was hurting and he was still in his smelly clothes from ISAC. The members had better be nice to him or Jinyoung was going to call out all the times he had looked after them. If Jaebeom wasn't going to make him some meat, he'd remind the older of the time he covered for him and told his parents he was healthy when he actually fractured his arm by b-boying in their living room. Jinyoung was ready to blackmail his way into being looked after.

By the time he trudged up the stairs and into the dorm, he was ready to climb into bed. The lights were all off and Jinyoung figured it was because the members were still out. Idiots. Jinyoung decided to give Jackson no cuddles for a month after this.

The vocalist went into his bedroom, just wanting to shower and sleep. Instead, he neared his glass door to hear a  _ Hyung doesn't like it when his window is open _ and a  _ Yeah, he hates bugs _ followed by a loud sneeze and a  _ Yah, Youngjae, don't sneeze in his room! _ Just what was going on in his room? The members knew Jinyoung was particular about who was in his room - it was why he didn't want a roommate.

Jinyoung prepared himself to find his room on fire, Coco dangling out the window and all six members cramped inside his room.

He opened the door to find the members cleaning his room? Jaebeom and Youngjae were shelving his books. Mark and Yugyeom were changing his bedsheets. BamBam and Jackson were dusting and the Thai boy had his hand on the window handle, pulling it in.

"What the hell?" Jinyoung blinked and opened his eyes to find the same scene in front of him. "What was in those painkillers?"

"They gave you painkillers?" Mark inquired as he threw the pillows back on the bed and approached the younger.

You should lie down," Jaebeom told as he came to guide Jinyoung to his bed.

"I want to shower first," He told the older, still lost on why everyone was in his room.

"I'll help you." Jackson appeared on his other side, wrapping an arm around his waist.

"Hyung, go and have a relaxing bath. We'll be done here soon," Youngjae informed him with a warm smile.

"Yeah, I even gave you my favourite pillow to rest your arm on when you sleep." Yugyeom showed off his pillow that was placed on his bed.

"Yugyeom, no one cares about your pillow." BamBam ignored the hurt look Yugyeom sent his way. "Jinyoungie hyung, I've made some of your favourite Thai curry."

Jinyoung couldn't keep the smile off his face as he watched how the members move around.

"Ew, hyung is being weird," BamBam complained and even Yugyeom agreed with him for once.

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. Their niceties were cute while they lasted.

"Come on, let's get you clean," Jackson hummed and steered Jinyoung out of the room and into the bathroom.

Jackson ran the tap to fill the bathtub, claiming it'd be better for Jinyoung to be sitting rather than standing. He helped Jinyoung undress and cupped his face once he was done.

"Are you okay? I'm sorry I wasn't with you." Jackson pecked Jinyoung's lips while his eyes were wide and in worry.

Jinyoung found his boyfriend cute and he absolutely loved the way he was being looked after. He pinched Jackson's cheek. "I'm fine. Mostly because the painkillers are making me tired but I am okay."

Jackson pouted, his eyes showing how much he hated Jinyoung in pain. "Let's get you clean so you can sleep." He directed Jinyoung to the filled tub, helping the vocalist carefully step in and relax in the hot water and bubbles.

Jinyoung let out a content sigh as he dipped his body under the heat.

"Okay," Jackson hummed to himself, rolling up his sleeves and grabbing Jinyoung's shampoo. "Let's clean Nyoungie."

Jinyoung held in his giggles and let Jackson scrub him clean. Jackson was meticulous as he carefully washed Jinyoung, being gentle and kissing whatever bit of skin was near. By the time he was done, Jinyoung was ready to fall asleep as the painkillers were taking full effect. He let Jackson dry him and wrap him in Jackson's fluffy robe (one that had a Squirtle tail) before wrapping his arms around his waist, waddling like a penguin back to his room.

Jinyoung was grateful that his room was empty since he didn't want the members in there as he fell asleep. He appreciated their help but right now, he just needs to get clothes and get into bed. Jackson helped him with his boxers and trousers but his phone rang and he had to step aside to answer it.

Jinyoung unconsciously pouted as he tried to one-handedly put his tee-shirt on. He had no idea when it became difficult to wear a tee-shirt but Jackson watching him from the other side of the room did not help at all. He had gotten off the phone a few minutes ago but still hadn't moved to help Jinyoung.

"Can you help?" Jinyoung turned to find Jackson already close with his hands stretching to cup Jinyoung's face. His boyfriend leaned into peck his lips, causing Jinyoung to pout more in confusion this time. "What was that for?"

"You're cute." Jackson pecked his lips again.

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. "Just cuddle with me," He demanded as Jackson slipped his shirt on.

"Always." Jackson held his hand as he led them to bed, crawling in and letting Jinyoung curl up against him.

 

**•••**

 

 

Jinyoung needed to talk to him. Somehow. Some way. Jackson was ignoring him outside of work so maybe Jinyoung had to try something on camera. But should he? Is it wise to? Then again, the coldness on screen was what put them in this position.

Jinyoung was so lost in his thoughts that he was spacing out in the middle of the press conference. He almost didn't notice Jackson turn to him, about to ask the prepared question.

"Green mango or yellow mango?"

_ Yellow mango. Don't say anything else but yellow mango. Don't fuck it up. Don't fuck it up. _ "I like ye-you."

_ He fucked it up _ . Jinyoung tried to laugh to disguise his discomfort as he buried his face in his hands. God, why did he do that? When he  _ knew  _ Jackson and him weren't on the best terms. This was probably going to backfire and Jackson was going to hate him more. Jinyoung was the biggest idiot alive.

Just as he was contemplating death, a solid, warm, calloused hand landed on his thigh.  _ Jackson _ . Jinyoung peeked through his hands, looking down at the hand as if he wasn't sure it was really there. Jackson squeezed his thigh, rubbing his thumb softly against the red suit pants. Jinyoung didn't know what to make of it. He knew it didn't mean that all was forgiven but it meant  _ something _ .

Jinyoung was lost in his thoughts for the rest of the conference, barely paying attention as they said their goodbyes and went backstage. He was so unfocused that he walked into Yugyeom.

The maknae turned around, already exaggerating his pout as he whined. "Hyung, watch where you're going! I nearly broke my back!"

"Yah, Gyeommie, stop being dramatic," Jackson told Yugyeom softly but sternly and Jinyoung looked up to see Jackson already watching him.

Fuck.

Jinyoung stayed where he was, watching Jackson carefully. The other members went to their own spaces, leaving the two alone. Jinyoung was worried about what Jackson would say. After all, he was the one that suggested the break. What happened shocked and confused Jinyoung instead.

Jackson stepped closer, arms reaching out for Jinyoung only to hover by his sides. "Are you okay?" The rapper asked softly, his eyes darting up to catch Jinyoung's eyes.

Jinyoung couldn't hold back. He blurted out the only thing he could think of. "Aren't you meant to hate me?"

The smile Jackson gave him literally broke Jinyoung's heart. It was small, like he shouldn't be smiling at all, and so sad that it didn't look right on his face. That anguished smile didn't suit Jackson and, once again, Jinyoung was the cause of it. "I don't hate you. I wouldn't be able to."

The words were so soft that Jinyoung almost missed them. Jinyoung felt his heart jump. Maybe he could still be with Jackson. Fuck everything he said before. He just wanted to feel the warmth that was so so close to him and yet he couldn't. He couldn't because Jinyoung chose not to.

"Can we talk?" Jackson asked, his hands finally resting on Jinyoung's shoulders.

Jinyoung had to refrain from closing his eyes to savour the  _ touch _ of Jackson. He let his shoulders sag, nodding at Jackson who grabbed his hand and led to the car where the others were waiting. Jinyoung lost the little bit of hope he had. Jackson holding his hand, intertwining their fingers meant nothing if he wanted to talk in front of the members. Jinyoung couldn't tell Jackson that he wanted to go a break for their careers, for the group's careers.

Jackson sat in the last two seats that happened to be the ones squashed together at the front. He tugged Jinyoung into the seat next to him and immediately moved an arm around his waist. Jinyoung froze, unsure of what to do, what to say.

"We've got that boat dinner so please, all of you, best behaviour," Jaebeom reminded them all from his seat at the back. "That means no sneaking alcohol, kids." He warned the maknaes who started snickering.

"They've already managed to sneak some already, look at them," Mark informed with a giggle as he watched BamBam poke Youngjae's cheek leaving Yugyeom laughing.

"Idiots," Jackson whispered with a fond smile before he focused back on Jinyoung.

Jinyoung who had completely forgotten about this dinner and now the urge to just crawl into bed was stronger than ever. He tried to sink into the leather seats on the car, trying to ignore Jackson's strong gaze on him. Could Jinyoung just rewind the last few days? Could he just go back to when he told Jackson they should break up? That their careers were too important to risk a dating scandal, a  _ gay _ dating scandal no less? He remembered the hurt, the pain on Jackson's face when he said those words. He remembered the anger on Jackson's face when he kicked the younger out of his room. He remembered seeing red eyes and eyebags on Jackson's face the morning after. He remembered all of that and he regretted it so much. But Jinyoung's logical side knew he was making the right choice in the long run. That Jackson having his first solo photoshoot was only the start of what would be a great career for the Chinese man. That Jinyoung getting a role in a Lee Minho drama was only the start of his acting career. That the group visiting different countries for their sixth comeback was a major thing, a mere sign of their growing fanbase. That the group was on the edge of everything they've ever wanted. But what if all Jinyoung wants is Jackson? To be held and to be loved by the man he loves more than anything, more than anyone? What if Jinyoung never fell in love with anyone else because he just stayed in love with Jackson who was going to be touring the world and having fun with whoever shows him interest? What if Jinyoung just stays lonely with -

"Nyoungie, stop thinking."

Jinyoung looked up from he had slouched down to see Jackson watching with watery eyes. Jinyoung blinked, surprised to find his eyes equally as wet.

"We're going to talk back at the hotel, after dinner." Jackson sounded so foreign, almost robotic as he kept a professional manner. "Can you keep up the act for a little longer?"

Jinyoung wanted to laugh. He could barely keep up the act for the 10 minutes of their conference. Maybe the maknaes were onto something, maybe all he needed was some alcohol. Jinyoung nodded to Jackson, acting as if he would be fine. After all, he was an actor now.

"I promise we'll talk at the hotel." Jackson squeezed his waist and rested his head on his shoulder. "Away from everyone. That way Jaebeom hyung won't be able to beat me up for making you sad."

Jackson's attempt at humour made Jinyoung choke. Jinyoung was the reason they were sad, not Jackson. If anyone needed to get beat up, it was Jinyoung.

They made it to the boat and they boarded with no problem. Jinyoung immediately excused himself to the bathroom, claiming he didn't get a chance to pee before they left. They all waved him off and Jinyoung missed the concerned looks they all gave him.

Jinyoung stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. Just wondering if he could forget the world, forget everything, all his responsibilities, all his regrets. The soft rocking of the boat reminded him of when he was a kid and his dad took out on fishing trips. The gentle sways of the sea grounded Jinyoung, made him relax and breathe. Just breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Don't cry. Inhale. Just act a little longer. Exhale. Just pretend that you and Jackson made up as quick as everyone thinks. Inhale. That you and Jackson are perfectly fine, no one tried to break up with anyone.

"Hyung?"

Jinyoung turned to see who the owner of the soft voice was. Youngjae was standing by the door, a hand on the handle as if he was waiting for Jinyoung to tell him to wait outside. His face was soft, almost passive as he looked up at Jinyoung with those wide eyes as if he knew. As if he knew how much of a coward Jinyoung was. As if he knew how scared Jinyoung was. Jinyoung couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't fake it from his members anymore. He let out a loud sob, almost dropping to his knees, as he watched Youngjae scurry over to him and engulf him in a hug.

"Hyung, what's wrong?" Youngjae's voice was soft, gentle as he embraced the older squatting to sit with him on the floor.

"Youngjae, I hurt him," Jinyoung wailed pathetically. He buried his face into his hands, letting the main vocalist give him the comfort he didn't. deserve.

"Hurt who, hyung? What happened?"

"Jackson. I-I told him that we should break up but I don't w-want to."

"Oh… Then, why did you say it?"

"Because what if we get more popular and us dating becomes an issue? Because I'm scared that if we get more fame, he won't want to be tied down to me anymore. We want to be famous, to make music but what if we can't be together because of it? Youngjae, I told him we won't get famous if we continue to date." Jinyoung's words were slurred, loss in his sobs as he let out everything he had felt. Ever since he was young, he just wanted to be famous but at what risk? How much did he have to lose to be centre spotlight? And would it be worth it if he didn't have the man he loves with him?

"Oh, Jinyoungie hyung," Youngjae murmured, holding Jinyoung even tighter.

Jinyoung knew there wasn't anything the younger could say. Jinyoung had fucked up. There was no fixing this unless he told Jackson about his fears and worries. Even then, there was no true confirmation that everything would still be okay. Dating scandals could happen at any time with Dispatch and with their company, they could be forced to break up, to leave the group and be publicly disgraced. There was no guarantee that the couple could survive a secret relationship while living in a very public lifestyle. It would be too much pressure from being too cautious. Jinyoung knew the toll it could take on them. He knew that the very thing they both wanted so bash would be the very thing that would be their only obstacle.

Youngjae didn't let go of Jinyoung. He held the older tightly, rubbing his back and just giving a shoulder to lean on for a minute. Jinyoung didn't know how long he cried for but when he was done, his eyes were bloodshot and puffy and his makeup was ruined by the tear streaks and the snot that always came with ugly sobbing.

"Hyung, wash your face and I'll tell them that you had a phone call."

Jinyoung smiled, truly grateful for Choi Youngjae. "Thank you so much, Jae. You're the best."

Youngjae shrugged, his eyes seeming older than his age for a second. "I just know what it's like to get drowned by thoughts. Sometimes, you just need someone to hold you while you let the water out."

Jinyoung nodded, relating to wise words so well. Youngjae always was an empathetic soul, he knew how to say the truth and make it poetic. "Thank you," Jinyoung whispered softly.

Youngjae nodded before walking out. Jinyoung took a shaky breath before he ran the cold tap and washed his face. He tried to make sure he looked presentable since he didn't know what photos would be taken. He stepped out of the bathroom and decided to mask some of the redness of his eyes with a few swings of alcohol. So, he quickly made his way to the bar and ordered two shots, just to loosen up. Jinyoung hasn't really drunk before. He's had the old sip from Jaebeom's cola and rum or Mark's vodka and orange juice or Jackson's beer. But he's never had his own drink before. Swiftly, he drank the two small glasses like now he'd see Jaebeom and Jackson do it once and even followed with the lime as Mark told them to. It burned his throat, leaving a clear tickle at the back with its sour aftertaste.

Jinyoung just needed to loosen up and the night will pass quicker than he thought.

He made it to their table where the other members were already seated. They all looked up at him and Jinyoung tried to wave back but his hand felt a bit numb. He took his seat, carefully pulling the chair all the way out and trying not to trip as he stepped over chair legs to sit down. He leaned back in his chair, head looking back to find the stars in the inky sky.

"Guys, look!" He squealed, slapping Yugyeom's arm to get his attention. "Look how  _ pretty _ !"

"Is he drunk?" BamBam asked, his tone smeared in disbelief.

Jinyoung snorted. He wasn't drunk. He could still stand and walk and talk normally. He wasn't drunk. "I'm not drunk. You should treat me with more respect like how you used to when you have me kisses on my cheeks. You should do that again."

"Oh my goodness, I think he might," Mark gasped from somewhere next to Yugyeom.

"Markie hyungie!" Jinyoung whined. "I'm not drunk!"

"Oh, he so is," Yugyeom snickered.

Their food arrived before anyone else could comment on Jinyoung's state. They all dug into the food, sharing each platter and Jinyoung helped himself to several glasses of wine despite the looks Mark, Jaebeom, Jackson and Youngjae were giving him. In fact, Jinyoung ended up sitting with the youngest two as he allowed them to share his bottle of red wine with him. Things started to escalate when Yugyeom started to play music from his phone aloud and BamBam dared Jinyoung to dance. Before the older vocalist could complete his dare (because even in his drunken state, he'd refuse to lose), Jaebeom dragged him aside with his face already in lecture mode.

"Jinyoung, what the fuck do you think you're doing? I said fucking best behaviour, not get fucking drunk and get the maknaes fucking drunk. Jesus, Jinyoung, you are not going to actually dance on the edge of the boat!"

"Hyungie, Jaebongi hyungie, it's all okay!" Jinyoung told him as he reached forward to pinch his cheeks. It didn't really work since Jaebeom had his jaw tensed and his face only showed how close he was to be  _ seething  _ with anger. "I'm going to win this bet and then Yugie and Bammie will be my slaves!"

Jaebeom shook his head disappointed as he let out a sad sigh. "Jirongie, what are you doing?"

Jinyoung lost his glee. He looked up to his hyung, eyes wide and feeling extremely moist. What was he doing? "Being a coward."

"Jinyoungie hyung! BamBam said you lost because you're taking too long!"

Jinyoung let himself perk up again. He patted Jaebeom's cheeks. "I've got a bet to win."

Jinyoung woke up with a heavy groan. His throat felt dry and his head felt like it was filled with drums and elephants were stomping on them. He rolled over, aiming to bury himself further into the bed. He didn't even want to try to remember last night. Why did he drink so much?

"Morning, lightweight," Someone whispered (screamed for Jinyoung's head) next to him as they reached over to lift Jinyoung's face up.

Jinyoung saw Jackson's beautiful face grinning down at him and he just knew he made a fool of himself last night.

"How's your head?" Jackson asked as he trailed a finger down Jinyoung's spine.

"Hurts so bad." The younger shivered at the feeling. Jackson's finger was rough but warm on his skin. On his skin? Jinyoung jerked up to find himself only in boxers. He quickly looked at Jackson, finding him in boxers too and, oh my god, did they have sex? When they were technically broken up but not broken up?

Jackson laughing broke Jinyoung out of his shock. "We didn't have sex. You puked all over yourself and me."

Jinyoung whined at his embarrassment. Puking on Jackson was even worse than having sex when he wasn't meant to with him. Jinyoung buried his face in his pillow again.

"To be honest, that was the least embarrassing thing you did all night."

"I don't even want to know."

"BamBam posted it online though," Jackson snickered. "This is far by going to be your dark past."

Jinyoung peered over his pillow, already pouting at Jackson in hopes of him not teasing.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Jackson asked softly.

"Jaebeom hyung telling me off."

"Oh, so all that you missed out is that you danced on the edge of a boat and nearly started a striptease."

Jinyoung choked on air. He nearly did what? In front of everyone? Jinyoung let out a loud whine as he sunk into the bed.

"Don't worry, I grabbed you before you did anything other than throw your blazer. No one is allowed to see your body except me."

Jinyoung had to ask. "Did we  _ talk _ ?"

"You tried to. You said that you were sorry that you were too scared." Jackson spoke softly, his voice denoting a little bit of confusion. “I don’t know what you meant though.”

Jinyoung swallowed, his throat tasting drier than ever. How would he explain what he meant? He was sorry that he broke up with Jackson because he was too scared of being famous, despite having been wanting this since he was a kid.

“Nyoungie,” Jackson hummed, sliding his hand down Jinyoung’s back to wrap around his slender waist and dragging him closer. He shimmed down so his head rested next to the younger’s and he gently knocked their foreheads together. His deep brown eyes stared at Jinyoung with such softness that Jinyoung’s guilt and regret made him feel nausea - or was it the hangover? “I think I know what you meant but I need to hear you say it.” Jinyoung saw his eyes glisten and his heart was in pain. “ _ Please _ . Say it for us.”

Jinyoung watched how Jackson ducked his face into the pillow they were sharing. He reached out, running a hand through his blonde locks and let his fingers dance down to hide in the short, rough hair on his nape. Jinyoung shuffled even closer, lifting an arm to curl around the rapper’s shoulders. “I’m scared that we won’t be the same. That this lifestyle will get in the way of how we are. That how we are will get in the way of what we want. But I don’t want to lose you.” The hushed words fell quicker than he thought they would. Jinyoung could feel his own throat tightening, his eyes burning and his head felt heavy, oh so heavy. “I’m sorry that I'm too much of a coward to talk to you.” Jinyoung bit down on his lip as he turned to bury his face again.

Jackson nosed Jinyoung’s temple as he lifted his head up. He kissed Jinyoung’s ear softly before he responded back with a whisper. “You’re not a coward and don’t be sorry. It’s only fair to be worried about those things. Whether we can keep hiding our relationship is literally the only thing that can break us. But I don’t want to give in. I don’t want to let that be a reason for us to break up. I don’t like that. I hate that.”

Jinyoung turned his head, a soft smile on his lips. “Why are you so stubborn?”

“Because I have to keep you by my side." Jackson wore an equally soft grin albeit cheeky as he leaned close to nuzzle Jinyoung's nose in an Eskimo kiss.

 

**•••**

 

 

When Jinyoung realised that he would love Jackson for the rest of his life, it was so cliché that the Korean literally hates it. They were shooting their confession song music video and Jinyoung was watching Jackson's reactions to the couple. He was just so cute. The older kept grinning and squealing and he kept looking at Jinyoung whose heart kept running marathons. It was at the end of the song when the girl accepted the confession when Jackson looked at Jinyoung. His eyes were filled with love, adoration, happiness and excitement. Jinyoung felt his heart leap out of his chest. He opened his arms, wanting to hug the older. Jackson was obviously waiting for this as he literally jumped into Jinyoung's arms, wrapping his legs around the Korean's waist. He burrowed his head into Jinyoung’s shoulder.

The director called cut and Jinyoung had to reluctantly let Jackson go. He couldn't help the pout on his face as he watched Jackson step away, congratulating the new couples. He felt weird without Jackson near after his personal epiphany. It was like he  _ needed _ to take Jackson aside, tell him he loves unconditionally and for eternity and then just  _ be _ with him all night long. It was like he couldn’t wait to tell Jackson how much he loves him and if there was one thing Jinyoung hated more than losing, it was waiting. He huffed as he crossed his arms, waiting (again) to be dismissed and able to go home to their dorms.

When they got back to the dorm, Jinyoung impatiently dragged Jackson to his room and locked the door after him.

"Nyoungie, what's-?"

Jinyoung cut him off with a kiss. The kind that was slow, searing and soft as it left them breathless. Jinyoung tried to make the kiss filled with all his love but it wasn't enough. He pulled back, his hands still cupping Jackson's face as he leaned his forehead on Jackson's.

"I love you. I love you so much and I'm not going to stop loving you."

Jackson grinned, his eyes almost disappearing before Jinyoung could get lost in them. "Well, that's nice to hear after a long day of shooting.

Jinyoung hummed in agreement as he slowly pushed Jackson to lie down on his bed. He straddled the older, appreciating how Jackson's hands automatically came to hold his ass. He leaned down, brushing the blonde strands back as he slowly spoke, "Sseunie, I love you so, so much and I don't think I'll ever stop loving you. I know you're the only one for me."

Jinyoung saw how Jackson's breath hitched and he froze, his hands stilling on Jinyoung. "The o-only one?"

Jinyoung nodded. "I'll never love anyone else. You're my forever love, the love that they write books about."

"F-forever love? As in, for eternity? That's a long time."

Jinyoung nodded, a big fond smile growing on his lips as he realised how red Jackson was getting. His boyfriend was cute, so so cute. "I love all of you forever," Jinyoung declared before he kissed Jackson's forehead, letting his lips linger. Slowly, he moved his lips down, kissing every part of Jackson's face and let his lips embrace every part. He moved further down to neck and throat, nosing his way gently as he kissed every sensitive part. His hands joined him as he undid Jackson's shirt to kiss his collarbones, sucking a soft love bite before he moved to the older's nipples. He circled one softly with his tongue before sucking on it. He loved the hiss Jackson let out when he took the bud between his teeth, rolling it slowly. Once the nipple was red and erect, Jinyoung kissed his way to the other to do the same.

"Nyoungie," Jackson breathed out, his hands squeezing Jinyoung's ass as he grinded against the younger. "I love you, more than you'll ever know. God, I  _ love  _ you." Jackson flipped them, Jinyoung squealing at the sudden movement. Jackson positioned himself between Jinyoung's legs, lips roughly kissing whatever skin was exposed, his face, his neck.

Jinyoung fisted Jackson’s open shirt, crinkling the soft material as he moved his hips at the same slow pace like his partner, his forever. He welcomed Jackson’s dry lips that danced on his own lips, their breathing heavy as they tried to physically show just how much they loved the other.

Jinyoung tugged at Jackson's shirt, taking it off as he dug his nails into the tanned, defined back. Jackson pressed himself against Jinyoung and the younger was almost losing it over the fact he could Jackson’s muscles tense and contract as he moved swiftly and fluidly atop him. Jinyoung loved how Jackson’s hands untucked his shirt, sliding his hands under and digging his fingers into the small of Jinyoung’s back. The softness of their touches matched the softness of their kiss. Tongues danced languidly, lips whispering gently and Jinyoung felt himself shake with the utter care and resounding feeling of love,  _ love _ . Jackson’s hands started to roam, leaving burning skin as he quickly got rid of the shirt and began to fiddle with the front of Jinyoung’s trousers. Jinyoung broke away from the overwhelming kiss to wiggle out of the trousers, ridding his boxers as well. He helped Jackson strip so both resumed their slick, sensual grinding at the same time.

The contact of their throbbing erections made Jinyoung moan, just feeling the hot and heaviness of Jackson against himself sent him into overdrive. He couldn't even kiss Jackson back as he wrapped his legs around Jackson's thighs and grabbed the sweaty sides of Jackson's back. The sounds he made were more melodic than the notes he sang.

"Yes, yes," Jackson cheered breathlessly as he moved his lips down to suck at Jinyoung's pulse point and every other sensitive spot on his neck. "Be loud, Nyoungie, tell me exactly how you feel."

God, Jinyoung felt great. So elated and in such a euphoric state and he was still so far from his orgasm, from being filled with Jackson's orgasm. "Need you," He panted out, just wanting to reach his peak. "Need you in me. Now. Please."

Jackson moaned and the vibrations on his chest made Jinyoung's toes curl at the sensation. Jackson sucked another bruise, biting harshly as he moved his hips faster. "I was going to take it slow," He whispered softly, almost purring against Jinyoung's skin. "But damn, you're so fucking perfect."

Jinyoung let a needy whine, hands tangling in Jackson's blonde locks to pull his head up so he could kiss him. He felt Jackson's hands move away, reaching towards Jinyoung's bedstand table. They kept kissing as Jackson slammed his way around the wooden table, trying to open the drawer. Jinyoung separated to let loose some giggles. He cupped Jackson’s face that was pouting at him for giggling. 

“Can you not laugh at me? It isn’t easy to kiss and find the lube.”

Jinyoung pinched his nose, still giggling. He loosened his legs and dropped his hands so Jackson could easily grab what they needed.

“Stop.” Jackson leaned down, pecking his lips to silence the younger before he sat back and rested on his knees.

Jinyoung's breath hitched in anticipation the second he heard the  _ click _ of the bottle being opened. He widened his legs, watching with dark eyes as Jackson slowly warm up the gooey liquid on his hand. The sexy scene in front of him that had his dick leaking was ruined when Jackson pulled a curious face, sniffing his lube coating hand.

"What are you doing?" Jinyoung whined impatiently. He gently kicked Jackson's back with his foot, just wanting to things to speed up.

"Did you get peach-scented lube?"

Jinyoung frowned at Jackson's raised eyebrows and the impish glint in his eyes.

"If you know you're right, can you just get on with it?" Jinyoung pleaded, his hand running to fist his dick.

Jackson tutted, smacking Jinyoung's hand away. "So impatient."

"Sseunie," Jinyoung whined, breathy and needy. "Please. I just want you to make love to me, to fill me up and just make me yours." The vocalist swore he saw Jackson's dick twitch.

"God, you know how to talk." Jackson ran his wet fingers over Jinyoung's hole and the younger felt himself flutter at the temptation. Jackson slowly circled his hole, pushing down at the entrance just to make sure Jinyoung was loose. "We've got all night to make love." He leaned down, capturing Jinyoung's lips in a burning kiss.

Jinyoung let the older do what he always does - try to distract Jinyoung from the first entry with a kiss. It was sweet how he was always trying to make sure Jinyoung was never in any pain and felt maximum pleasure. But nothing was sweeter than feeling Jackson gently prod at his inside. He moaned, loud and clear, while Jackson kissed every inch of his face.

When Jackson added a second finger, Jinyoung started to move his hips downward. He met every flick of Jackson's hand and loved how the rapper was sucking his neck. Jinyoung's hand moved down, grabbing Jackson's dick and started to pump it in time with Jackson's hand thrusts.

"Nyoungie," Jackson moaned wantonly, his head lolling in the crook of Jinyoung's neck. "Oh, fuck, yes," He cursed in English before switching to some mutterings in Cantonese where Jinyoung only understood one thing,  _ I love you _ .

Jackson moved to three fingers, focusing on stretching Jinyoung and finding that sweet spot. When he did find it, Jinyoung moaned pornographically, his hand tightening around Jackson who too moaned as loud. Jackson grabbed Jinyoung's hand off his member, kissing his palm before he intertwined their fingers and placed their hands besides Jinyoung's head. He retrieved his fingers, Jinyoung unconsciously pouting at the loss, and covered his penis in lube before lining up and slowly, slowly, pushing in. He held Jinyoung's hip steady with one hand while the other squeezed Jinyoung's hand as he showed how tight Jinyoung was.

When he bottomed out, Jinyoung relished in the feeling of being stuffed with Jackson. The older was hovering over him, lazily moving his hips in soft thrusts as he trailed his hand up to play with Jinyoung's nipples, their joined hands still together. Jinyoung reached behind Jackson's head with his spare hand, fisting the bleached hair as he brought Jackson's mouth to his own. He swallowed every moan and groan the rapper let out and threw his own sounds into Jackson. Their bodies were pushed together, moving as one as they slowly worked together. Jackson's hand moved from Jinyoung's nipples to his member where he timed the slow strokes with the soft thrusts, taking their time to soak in every second of their most natural state.

The long day and their tiredness caught up with them. Their breaths becoming faster and thinner as they rested their foreheads on each other's and panted. Jinyoung closed his eyes, combing the hair in his hand and squeezing the hand in his tightly. His body was near. The slow, steady hits against his prostate and the gentle strokes made him shiver with adrenaline, his body drowning in endorphins. He let out high pitched moans, nearly cries of joy as he felt his body  _ burn _ .

"I'm close too, Nyoungie," Jackson whispered, his lips kissing the moistness of Jinyoung's chin. "I love you," He breathed out in Cantonese, barely audible.

But that was all it took to take Jinyoung to his edge. His body screamed and the sounds he let out wore out his vocal cords. He was still in his high when he felt Jackson release into him, the hot liquid spreading in him as a physical being of the love and warmth they held for each other.

They moulded into each other afterwards, taking their time to regain their energy. They pressed quick kisses on each other's lips that were pulled into a lovesick grin. Soon, Jackson pulled out and grabbed a wet wipe to clean themselves with. Jinyoung let himself be taken care of and waited until Jackson climbed back under the sheets with him, immediately cuddling him.

He nuzzled his nose softly, enjoying the small scrunch Jackson did. "Goodnight, love you." He kissed Jackson sweetly.

Jackson grinned back, his arms tugging Jinyoung closer before he muttered his own goodnight.

When Jinyoung woke up the next morning, he could hear a camera shutter. Curious, he rolled over to find Jackson posing for a selfie with the camera in front of him as he pouted. He watched how the older rearranged his hair, trying to tame the blonde mess. Right when he was about to take the picture, Jinyoung leaned in and kissed his cheek. He giggled as Jackson blinked and turned his head slowly.

"Well, good morning, love of my life," Jackson chimed, an arm already stretching to tug the younger into his chest.

"Morning, Sseunie." Jinyoung rolled his eyes playfully as he rearranged himself to look at the camera on Jackson's phone.

"Wait," Jackson called out softly as his arm came around Jinyoung's shoulders to enclose the younger. He leaned his head against the younger's, cheeks pressed against each other. Jinyoung watched with confusion as Jackson fiddled with his phone, changing the angle of the photo before snapping one. "Isn't it cute?"

"I don't like it. My hair looks horrible."

"Your hair looks cute when it's all over forehead."

"Nope, delete it."

"Not until we take more. Right now."

 

**•••**

 

The crowd cheered. Jinyoung blinked, unsure if he heard the host right. Did they just get their first win? Did Jinyoung and his family finally get to see their dream come true? 

Jinyoung felt his eyes water slightly but he smiled widely. He just got his first win. He looked to see his brothers and boyfriend in various emotional states. Mark was crying and Youngjae held him tightly. Jaebeom held the trophy like it would be taken away from him in a second. Yugyeom and BamBam were clapping, faces still in shock. Jackson turned back, crying just as heavily as Mark. Jinyoung reached for him, pulling his boyfriend's head to his shoulder to offer what support he could right now. His own tears built up even more but he had just won! What he had been working for since he was a kid was finally here, finally in his hands. He finally got something that would be a physical reminder of all the hardships he has passed, all the work he had left to do. It was exhilarating and overwhelming. Jinyoung felt himself shake with the emotions as he pulled Jackson in for a hug. He looked out in the crowd, seeing them all cheer and hearing Fly play. Jinyoung knows he’ll never forget this moment.

After the encore stage, Jinyoung followed them all behind the stage and he watched his members congratulate each other and let out hidden excitement. He felt so incredibly proud and so damn happy. Everything he ever wanted was here. His love of his life, his best friends, his career. He thought back to when he was still only 18 and how he thought he had the world. How crushed he was to find out JJP was being scratched. How he was considering to leave. How he stayed because of the people in front of him.

Jinyoung realised one thing as he felt his eyes water over. He was so incredibly blessed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading :)

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading :)


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